Moments of Grace: In the Fullness of TIme

I remember when we lost our second baby, Tristan, to miscarriage. It was hard to understand or accept why God would allow such a thing to happen. Yet, when Tristan's due date came and I was already pregnant with Judah, it made sense to me. Holding sweet Judah in my arms as a tiny one and whispering his name to him which means, "to praise",  I knew that in the fullness of time God had allowed such a suffering as a pregnancy loss for such a glory as Judah's beautiful life.

The moment of Judah's accident last week keeps me awake at night. The juxtaposition of the happy and delightful moments before is hard for my soul to digest. It had been an intense week, and I'd been caught up in the to-dos before we departed for Texas. On that day, with the sun shining and my children laughing and playing so delightedly, I made a conscious decision to just BE and PLAY for as long as we could.

I sat there gazing at our darlings playing and in a moment everything changed, as his little leg was broken in front of my eyes, and my whole being unable to stop it from happening. Delighted laughs to pain in an instant.

I have had to work to make peace with the fact that God allowed it to happen. Such a suffering, body and soul, for our son....and then I realized something beautiful!

Our Ezekiel is big...huge as a matter of fact. He is 100th percentile for height, 96th for weight, and wearing clothing that Judah was wearing last summer. It has been comical trying to understand 2 brothers built so differently, or even comprehend why I was given this particular challenge of an absolutely enormous baby to tote around in a season of life where the demands on me were already intense enough. My arms, legs, and back are strong by necessity because of going through the daily rigours of motherhood with a ginormous hunk of love on my hips. 

And then, a few days ago, as I was carrying Judah from one place to another and he felt like an absolute feather, I realized that in the fullness of time this beautiful grace was allowed....that I would have the strength and stamina to tend to a child who was rendered immobile by an accident. While it is a slight inconvenience to carry him everywhere, it is not in any way too difficult for me physically. This gives sweet Judah a sense of being safe, secure, held, supported, and in no way a burden for us in his brokenness.

Outside of time, and in His eternal perspective, God the Father saw fit to give me this consolation....knowing the sadness of a child with a broken limb, and knowing that it would take extra strength to help him navigate this challenge without discouraging him, I was blessed with a super huge chunky baby to build my muscles up.

Truly it may seem far fetched, but I know for a fact, with deep Faith, that this gift has been given us. I revel in this small inkling of the workings of God's grace in the midst of our human freedom,  and I say, "thank you."

"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary, His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might He increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."                

Isaiah 40: 28-31

Grade 1 for Our Little Lamb

I always hope this year has a special place in the recesses of my heart, the first year that I had the privilege and the challenge of educating our daughter at home.

When she was just tiny, I always called Liliana my little lamb...tender, intuitive, slightly clumsy, daring, introverted....happy to be held close by mama always. 

My little Liliana Lamb 

Kindergarten at our nearby school was not a bad experience, but our Liliana suffered from the anxiety of an education system very much oriented to the outgoing and the extroverted. Lots of group work and a structure that is necessarily conducive to the good of the majority meant that she was very much lost in the crowd. She started biting her nails and struggled to fall asleep at night. Her sense of wonder and delight seemed to fade. She had lovely friends and an amazing teacher, but she was not thriving and our hearts were troubled!

Over the summer we saw our girl emerge again in confidence, playfulness, and peace. The thought of sending her to school for 8 hour days, when Judah would miss her terribly AS WOULD I, gently guided my heart towards another possibility. I felt so sad that the only time we would have with her would be a few precious hours at night....  I started reading, and researching, and considering the possibility of teaching her at home - which, by the way, is something I never would have imagined in my most WILD dreams! So of course we also prayed hard for wisdom and discernment. 

Ann Voskamp

Of course, this year was not without its challenges, and I had a few moments of feeling woeful for the reality of being surrounded by small children all.the.time. I had a few pity parties for "all the things I could get done" if I was not teaching Liliana. 

That being said I did have moments of respite, because she spent 2 days per week learning at a little cottage school, so beautifully devoted to instilling in children a sense of wonder and delight....and, get this, her age group was called "The Little Lambs!"

And, when I really took it to prayer, is there anything more important, more pressing, or more eternally relevant than forming our sweet one - intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually - in the heart of our home?

No, because it was obvious to me as her mama that this unique little soul needed to be learning close to home, at least for now, and so that is what we did. 

A few lessons for me from the year...

 - we are our children's advocates, voices, ambassadors - we do not have to be swayed by convention or "the way it is always done." We can decide with boldness and confidence the best for them, without apologizing or justifying - for me, as a pleaser, this was a very important lessons. One I always knew but got to live this year

- Never say never! Gosh am I learning this humbling lesson over and over again in motherhood

- the delight of seeing the world of reading books unfold before a child is really a privilege to witness, and what an honour for me, as her mama, to be primarily instrumental in facilitating this!

- the flexibility of learning at home is unmatched! We only ever spent 3 hours maximum at school, and even then took some days or even weeks off because we were getting too far ahead!

- friendship between siblings is a precious, beautiful thing to witness. This seems so random for this blog, but my goodness am I happy that the friendship between Liliana and Judah only grew deeper this year!

I could go on and on about the gifts and challenges of this year! I am grateful to be wrapping it up, I am grateful for the break, I am grateful for a little girl who is thriving and blossoming. She is joyfilled, bouncy, messy, determined, delightful, innocent, and loves her family, Jesus, and her neighbour with sweet devotion. What a year it has been for our Little Lamb!

My sweet Liliana, I loved teaching you this year. Thank you, my darling, for the most heart-stretching time learning together on this new journey!

The Heroic Hour

These days, especially 6 months pregnant, it is quite astonishing at just how deep I have to dig to end the day well for our children. They say that the heroic hour is when the alarm goes off. I experience that it takes very little heroism on my part to roll out of bed towards the first sip of coffee and some quiet prayer time before the day. On the other hand, it takes some serious guts to tuck my darlings in having accomplished clean teeth and bodies, sincere prayer, quality reading, and loving caresses with whispered affirmations of their beauty, value, and worth in the eyes of God their Father and me their mama.

Judah also finds bedtime the heroic hour, ergo his arsenal carefully tucked into his pullup :)

I firmly desire that, no matter how difficult little or big moments of the day are, my children drift to sleep having just heard that they are precious, worthy, and so treasured by myself and their Daddy.

A few days ago I sat beside their bed holding little hands in one hand and my head in the other. We had battled to get through the day, and I felt like I had nothing left to give. I could tell, by looking over at Joe, that he also had given almost everything he had to give to his intense day of work and tired demanding children at the end of it.

I could not help it as tears of weariness ran down my cheeks and onto my lap. Oh how I love them, oh how full of needs they are, oh how lacking I am. 

As I sat there quietly sniffling and not trying to alert my sensitive darlings to the fact that Mommy was crying (which to them is like the world ending!), I realized yet again the gift of parenthood. It is deeply humbling and reminds me so frequently that on my own I am not sufficient. Grace, grace, grace....but for the grace of God. 

Perhaps we all have a heroic hour? That one part of our day where we have to dig deepest and cry out most fervently for grace and strength. For me it is most certainly the bed time hour. Yet, just one short hour later as I sneak in  to kiss little cheeks one more time and tuck blankets around little bodies my heart cannot help but break with love and thanksgiving.

Sometimes sister is the best solution for a pillow and a rest. I can't wait to see one more little person in that snuggle! 

May you find the grace and strength you need for your own heroic hour!

To My Tiny Baby

"For this Child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted the desires of my heart." 1 Sam 1:27

5 Weeks

My tiny baby. You are only 5 weeks old, so hidden in my belly, so little and new, so loved by us!

Your sister has become my handmaiden, literally on my heels every moment of the day asking if there is anything I need. Your big brother keeps asking me if you will come out in the morning and I have to tell him that it will still be many mornings until he can stand by you with his sword and be your protector. Today he lit a candle before St. Joseph for you with daddy. He loves you!

As if daddy could do anything more he has been doing the chores and making mommy stay in bed longer or go to bed earlier. He is determined that you and I will both be healthy and strong, physically and emotionally!

We have dreamt about you for so very long and now our dreams are intensified. We wonder who you are, what your name is, what you look like. I dream about feeling your first fluttery kicks and your somersaults. You are so new and yet we have not been able to contain our secret from our friends and family. From the moment that you were you have been your own unique person, an eternal soul of infinite worth and we could not help but share the news of YOU.

Already there are little sacrifices involved with holding you safe in my belly, little selfish habits that I held to tightly that I have to let go for love of you. Already, my tiny baby, you make me better, more selfless, more resolute. Thank you!

We are counting the weeks until we meet you. They will go so slow and so fast all at the same time. In the meantime we will keep dreaming about you and praying for you.

I love you!

6 Weeks

My tiny baby. How I love you! You are 6 weeks and 3 days old, and starting to make your presence known a little more. You are already showing your unique you-ness, as you make Mama sick in the morning and not the night like your brother and sister. Mama has been pretty ill for the last 2 weeks with a sinus infection, and with the added nausea I've been a little cranky. However, I remind myself to be GRATEFUL. These are all signs of you, our darling. It is all for you and for our family, and it is all such meaningful suffering.

I went for a walk yesterday and was reminded of how I love these moments before the world knows about you. Anyone looking at me would have seen one person out for a walk....but there were 2 of us! Two people, two guardian angels....I'm never alone. I love having you with me.

I am counting the days until I can be a little more certain that you are OK in there. Until then we pray hard, loving you more and more.

12 Weeks

My tiny baby, you are 2 inches long now! Oh how I love you. I haven't written here since we started telling friends and family about you, perhaps because since then I seem to talk about you all the time. Your brother and sister only want to talk about you, or read books about how you are growing, or talk about what you should be named or whose bed you should sleep in. We pray for you at every meal and we give thanks for you and pray for you at bed time. It is Judah and Liliana's number one prayer intention these days. It is so fun!

The time is flying and I am simultaneously grateful and frightened by that. There are so many things i want to do before you are born....organizational things that would make me more ready for you. However all of my best intentions for fitness and productivity disappeared by how tired growing you as made me. I am hopeful the energy comes back, or maybe I'll have to ask for help, which wouldn't be so bad either.

Either way, I dream about you daily. I already yearn to have you in my arms and know you are safe. The second trimester certainly brings a little more security, but pregnancy after having experienced miscarriage is different than before. I am fearful for your safety and oh, so aware that every moment with you is a gift. Thank you for being part of our family!

10 weeks

12 Weeks you are the size of a LIME!

12 Weeks 

I love you so much. Keep growing my sweet little one!

To My Darling on Your First Day of Kingdergarten

My beautiful Girl! Here we are, the first day of kindergarten. I rejoice and feel mournful at this new step in our family's life....for sending you off to school will affect all of us. The simple ins and outs of spontaneous days with you and Judah at home will change. We will enjoy the new structure and we will find it a hard adjustment. Most of all, I will MISS you, my darling. I know this is just one more moment of letting go. We aren't warned that to be a parent is to be constantly letting go. You were in my belly and I so loved having you there. When you were born, oh how I missed having you so close. Those moments of missing you have continued as you grow in independence, grace, knowledge, and beauty! 

So fresh and new....I blinked and here we are all these years later!

We had a bit of a funny day "practicing" kindergarten last week. You and Mommy went to school to see where you would hang your backpack, put your outdoor shoes, sit, play, and learn. We did a craft, and much to my dismay I realized that I've never really taught you to use scissors, even though we have used scissors I never made sure you had it "right". I tried not to compare as I looked around and saw the other children having an easier time than you! I came home and cried to your daddy that I had not prepared you for kindergarten. He looked at me and sternly told me to evaluate the ways in which I had prepared you for kindergarten....skills and ways-of-being that cannot be learned in a week the same way scissor use can be. 

I realized that my deepest dream for you is that we have prepared you to go to school and be a little person of light, compassion, joy, and empathy. I pray we have taught you to have courage and persevere, to embrace challenges, and to have humility when you need help. 

You have had such a happy little life so far. I think that most of the learning that happened in our house was through happy playtime.

Italy and Ireland with Nanny and Papa

We had the happiest days on Maui together

Make believe is an every day thing around here!

You've travelled to several countries, you have spent countless hours outdoors in the mud lost in imaginary play, riding your bike, jumping, running, throwing, sliding, swinging. You love bugs and animals, crafts, baking, play dough. Dressing up and make-believe is your happy place, and it is sometimes hard to bring you back to the real world! You are AMAZING at making messes. You love helping daddy with building fires, painting projects, nailing, and even sawing. Spending time on Nonna and Papa's ranch helping with the animals and chores is one of your absolute favourite things to do.

In Texas, one of your most beloved places!

Daddy prince, one of my favourite memories of you and daddy's play time!

Thanks to doing music from a young age your memory work is incredible and you can recite prayers, poems, and songs after only hearing them a few times. You love to be read to and are currently devouring "Little House in the Big Woods" with Mama. 

You have a kind and tender heart, my sweet girl. I pray we have taught you to see in each new person someone of beauty and value. You are easily frustrated and overwhelmed, (and you have a bit of a temper!)...I hope we have given you tools to acknowledge and work through those feelings when you are presented with challenges in school. 

My little darling, it is hard for me to let you go! The world is a scary place sometimes, and I just want to snatch you to my heart and hold you close. However, the world is more beautiful than it is scary and I dream for you to take this first big step out into that world with a heart that sees the beauty and rejoices in it, knowing that you are eternally loved, treasured, and worthy. 

The best news of all? You are only 5 years old.....may I continue to treasure these years of snuggles, learning, growing, and playing!

We love you so!

I Marry You Mama

My sweet Judah the Lion.

His name means "to praise" and I rejoice in his little life that is a song of praise. 

He is the most darling temperament - tender, empathetic, sympathetic, and simultaneously fierce in his living and loving.

As he grows he has of course emerged more into a masculine way of being and is daily my knight, my rescuer, my hero. He yearns to be a hero in every game. My little man. He looks at his daddy with heart eyes and copies everything he does. Thank goodness his daddy is such a noble heart.

Of course Judah has moments of losing his temper or lashing out, yet his remorse is so swift and so sincere that we struggle to be firm with him. Still we are because he needs to learn self- control. If he accidentally hurts one of us somewhere he absolutely smothers that part of us with kisses and strokes. "Sowwy, sowwy, so so sowwy Mama!"

He has the most maddening and endearing habit of my skin being his "lovey". While I've been able to "wean" him off of stroking my skin while he falls asleep, most nights he crawls into bed around 2 am and spends the rest of the night stroking my arm. Last night I woke up to my face being cupped in both of his little hands. He was fast asleep, and I was fast asleep, and my face was in his hands. Joe and I are OK with his little nighttime adventures into our bed, because we know very soon they will end (as did his sister's) and I will lie in bed missing him a little. These moments fly too quickly.

I never want to forget the moment, a few weeks ago, when he was brooding about something. Thomas Rhett's "Die a Happy Man" came on the radio and I whisked him up and danced with him around the kitchen. He quickly forgot the reason for his misery and sang along a little, until he finally looked up at me, gave me a huge kiss on the lips and said "I marry you Mama."

Oh yes, my son I am perfectly OK with being your one and only as long as you'll have me, as I know all too well how quickly these precious years pass.

I love being your Mama!

** photos by Blair Marie Photography

Hold Them Closer

"Mooooooommy!....mommy?....mooooommmmy!"

I was jolted out of sleep the other night with the cries of our eldest in her bed down the hall. Through the fog of the deep sleep that, mere seconds before, I had been in I asked her what was wrong. She had a bad dream and was afraid to close her eyes again. "That's OK sweetie, mommy will hold you tight and close, and so will your angels. Everything is OK now."

I lay there holding her as her breath became deeper and more steady, creeping out only to find that my spot on the pillow had been commandeered by a curly two year old in search of some middle of the night cuddles.

As I lay in the dark holding him close, I reflected on this beautiful constant self-forgetfulness that is so much part of parenthood.

There are some who seem to preach that if you just train a child right they will fall asleep on their own and be beautifully independent from the time they are merely weeks old and you will "have your life back." At least for me, that has not been the way it works.

Even if a baby does learn to sleep through the night then they get a cold and need love, or a new tooth and need comfort, or become a toddler whose brain is exploding with development and need to fall asleep in your arms, or a preschooler who is exploring boundaries and needs to know you are the safest place. We never get our "old life" back. Thank goodness, because in its glorious exhausting messiness, this new life is much more beautiful and meaningful.

I have learned that when a child is the hardest to love is usually when they need to be held closer. That screaming baby needs to hear your heart beat, the tantruming toddler needs to be enveloped in a hug, and the defiant 5 year old needs to be pulled on your lap and kissed over and over. I can only imagine how close one's child needs to be held through adolescence.

This is hard for me, because in those moments when I find my darlings to be behaving quite despicably I want to turn my back for the moment and shut them out. This choice to hold them closer and shut the rest of the world out is what demands the constant denial of self and opting for love.

But oh how I do not regret one moment of holding them closer. I don't regret that they didn't sleep through the night until they were weaned, or that we bought a toddler sized carrier and even our 5 year old likes to be worn in it. I don't regret one single sleepless night of comforting or plans changed because of little needs. I see the beautiful fruits of our sacrifice growing, flourishing, and learning healthy independence right before my eyes. I pray that as they grow my children learn to opt for love, even when it doesn't feel good. In the meantime I will continue to hold them closer.

Whether your day is rainy like ours or filled with sunshine, may it be especially full of hugs.

With love,

Head Strokes and TLC

There is a specific way she used to stroke my head as I fell asleep. It is incredibly hard to describe but embedded in my memory, her signature head stroke. I was praying bedtime prayers tonight with Liliana and stroking her head in that exact way. It was so blissful for me when my Mama did it, and my fingers naturally stroke her hair like that. She sighed contentedly and her little eyelids fluttered closed.

Was she not so beautiful? She still is!

She did many little things. These are the things that stand out in my memory. "One Tin Soldier" as a bedtime song, nivea on my dry cheeks, love notes in my lunch box, picnics in the school yard. In her memory she made many mistakes. She is so humble and detailed that she will call me on the phone to this day and apologize for something she did in my childhood that she thinks could be making me sad!

Guess what? They don't stand out in my mind. Those little, beautiful acts of detailed love that inspire me in my daily mothering....those are what stand out to me. I knew, absolutely, unshakeably, irrevocably that I was loved beyond measure and without qualification.

Something is becoming abundantly clear to me, and it is that those tiny little details can be the ones that take the most effort. Because, as a Mama, after the normal daily tasks have been accomplished, it takes monumental effort sometimes to linger a little longer and sing one more song or stroke someones blond head for 3 more minutes. It takes monumental effort to put aside the to-do list and read one more story or play pretend. That middle of the night glass of water and tummy rubs....so little, just a few minutes, big effort. These little things make a huge impact, more than any short tempered or impatient moment could.

This gives me so much hope. My patience seems short these days and my nighttime wakings are often full of feelings of remorse over moments where I was harsh or lacking mercy in my discipline. Yet, when I think about how my own mother loved me and the memories that stand out as strong and clear as if they were yesterday....it is the delicate, detailed, little ways in which she loved me exactly how I needed to be loved.

My silly mini-Me and her funny fashion sense!

I pray one day my Liliana finds herself stroking someones head - be it a friend, daughter, husband, patient - and smiling over the way her fingers know exactly what to do just like her mama did. May I take enough moments to love her in small and detailed ways that she is inspired to find the energy to do the same....

May you be blessed!

Tender Hearted Little Man

It seems to me that anytime I write about a certain way one of my children is behaving, something changes. This is in the endearing things and the maddening things. When we are suffering because a child is cranky, sick, or fighting sleep I know that quickly this will pass. This is also the way with cute little quirks or obsessions. 

Judah in particular has gone through a series of obsessions. First he was obsessed with his stuffies, then his basketballs, and now his baby. Or, as he says it, "my little baby." This sweet boy won't go anywhere or do anything without his little baby. Sometimes when we are going out I insist on putting her clothes on because she is soooo grimy from love! When we go to the mall or for groceries he would prefer to push her in the stroller (which is pink). He is such a darling looking little boy that even in the most boyish of attire people comment that "she is so cute!"Kudos to Joe for having no issues that his little man is so tender hearted towards his little baby. We'll come across him bouncing her and shh-shh-shhing her. Truly, it is heart melting. This little boy is such a sweetheart! 

When little baby comes with us in the car she rides in her stroller and Judah holds the handle as tight as can be so she doesn't slide anywhere. We looked back one day to see him utterly out cold but with no more loose of a grip on his baby. 

Oh, how you make me smile, my tender hearted little man!

Our Little Mess Maker

It seems impossible that I'll ever forget just how messy our Liliana is, but Joe assures me that this, too, shall pass and one day be but a distant memory!

I think that seldom a day goes by where I don't say to Joe, "I am losing my mind, I cannot keep up with her mess, she is a tornado and we live in the eye of tornado Liliana. What do I do?"

NO JOKE! this is her room every.single.day. We actually do not own very many toys
but somehow they all end up from their proper place on her bedroom floor! Along with all of her outfit changes....

The thing about her is that her mess is all about whole hearted living. When she plays she PLAYS. Her creative play is not complete without every little aspect attended to, in order to make the game complete. When she eats, it is as though a band of pirates have come to join us. Yet, her table manners are not bad! Somehow, though, her chair and the floor are covered as though we had a rip roaring party.

When we are at home she changes at least 7 times a day. I am actually attempting not to exaggerate here so it may be more! With each outfit change her hair changes, and she pulls her elastics out with such violence it is no wonder her hair is so thin and fine! It is either that or she is in pyjama mode and changes from pj to pj with her hair looking like a wild nest!

At this point I think our two and their cousins were playing zoo. Not entirely evident...Liliana's wild, wild hair
because some days being in character means not brushing your hair??

I delight as I listen to her through her bedroom door, in total character, lost in play. And yet, I am exhausted by her mess. She knows it now, and sometimes when I walk in on tornado Liliana in all of her glory she says to me, "I am so SO sorry, I actually don't know what happened here!" You know, I believe her! She is so immersed in what she does. Still, I know that I need to help her learn to be more aware of the mess she is making, at least after she is finished playing! Little by little....

I know that, even if she may be a naturally messy person the day will come when her mess is no longer so immense. Just this evening she walked to me as I was tidying up from the day and asked, "Mama is there anything I can help with?" Albeit she wanted to help with something glamorous like chopping for dinner, but her attitude of eagerness to help and awareness of need is bitter-sweet evidence that she is growing out of her little cavewoman-ness.

Not entirely relevant but I love this picture of her on her daddy's lap!
Not too many more years left of painted cheeks and pigtails :)

I love this photo of our little tornado and her daddy
after his team won city gold. She cheers so whole heartedly and SO LOUD!
No worries about what other people think, this one!

Oh Liliana, what a funny, quirky, heart-melting girl you are! How I love you!

A Little of This and That

Hello friends! I've loved reading little real-life updates like this on blogs through the years (Elizabeth Foss, Amy Salisbury...) and so I thought I'd type one out....it was fun to think about these little aspects of our every day life. I hope you enjoy as well!

Thankful: For my grandmother’s condo in Canmore and early-to-bed children.  I sit here typing away at 7:30 with children snoring and the three sisters peering down on me through the windows. Things have been so busy for our family and to escape where life is quiet and play is easy, such a gift!

A beautiful icy/slushy walk 

We love swimming at Elevation Place in Canmore. I could not believe this girl's legs....
the legs of a little girl that goes HARD and is super tough. Any one else have little ones with legs like this?

Cooking: I have been working on more budget and health friendly foods as Joe finds himself sensitive to too much wheat and our budget finds itself sensitive to the ideal of buying everything free-from/free-range/organic. We’ve come to love steel head trout from Costco and tonight I experimented with (GASP) frozen organic vegetables - nothing against them I just haven't bought them for a while. A little butter, garlic powder and soy sauce and they were actually very yummy! For lunch we had Costco brand black bean burgers crumbled and topped with goat mozzarella, quesadilla style. Seriously delicious, and even nutritious!

Listening to: The children and I have had Joey+Rory’s “Hymns” album on non-stop - that or CIBC radio 2 for classical during the day. We play a fun game of imagining the scene that the instruments are playing out. We have also fallen in love with The Okee Dokee Brothers two albums (“Can YouCanoe” and “Through the Woods”) Seriously, if you have children and like bluegrass you must track down these albums. So enjoyable!

Drinking: Very much enjoying red rose tea these days, and if I have an adult drink at nighttime I’ve become a malbec girl. We also have a non-stop supply of bubbly H20 at our house. 

Watching: Joe and I are enjoying this current season of “Suits”. On the odd night he is out I am also enjoying the guilty pleasure of “Jane the Virgin.” Crazy story but I had a (very innocent) teenage tropical romance with the main actor, and so I find it fun to watch the show. Actually, it is great for a laugh!

Reading: “Beyond the Birds and the Bees,” and “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up.” I also made a reading list for the year. I will feel incredibly accomplished if I make it through.

Feeling: A little tired and weary. We’ve been go-go-go between Joe’s highly demanding Job, his basketball coaching position, my 2 days with 2 extra little sweeties, and the regular ins and outs of family life. When I start to feel anxious I wake up in the middle of the night with my eyes WIDE open and just can’t settle down. Even melatonin doesn’t work for me. Consequently I feel weary, but hopeful that this exhaustion, too, shall pass!

Wearing: These days I am wearing high-rise true skinnies from gap in dark wash. After weaning Judah I put on a little weight and I had to consign my old jeans because I was really tired of trying to squeeze into them. Oh child-bearing/rearing, you keep us humble! But seriously, GO GAP! Great jeans and with all of the gap promotions going on, a great price as well.

Realizing: If I start a day without prayer, the day suffers. Trying to make it happen EVERY DAY.

Praying: The rosary with our children every day. It is so endearing to hear them start to chime in and we have found it beautifully calming at the end of our day.

Disliking: The intensity of the GOP presidential debates. Joe and I have actually had to turn the last couple off because we start squirming in our seats and sweating with adrenaline. Trying to go to sleep after those things? Forget it! Seriously though….

Wanting: To have our taxes finished so that we know how much we owe the government. I am in charge of our taxes each year, but because Joe works as a consultant I am starting to find it confusing and overwhelming, and I always worry that the little bit we are setting aside is still not enough for tax season. We are hoping to take care of them next week.

Cheering for: My girlfriends who all fight their own very real and glorious battles. From many little children, to busy husbands, or tough pregnancies, or high-strung babies, or financial worries, spiritual dryness, and on and on and on…you are all such gifts to our world and your families. GO FRIENDS GO!