The Heroic Hour

These days, especially 6 months pregnant, it is quite astonishing at just how deep I have to dig to end the day well for our children. They say that the heroic hour is when the alarm goes off. I experience that it takes very little heroism on my part to roll out of bed towards the first sip of coffee and some quiet prayer time before the day. On the other hand, it takes some serious guts to tuck my darlings in having accomplished clean teeth and bodies, sincere prayer, quality reading, and loving caresses with whispered affirmations of their beauty, value, and worth in the eyes of God their Father and me their mama.

Judah also finds bedtime the heroic hour, ergo his arsenal carefully tucked into his pullup :)

I firmly desire that, no matter how difficult little or big moments of the day are, my children drift to sleep having just heard that they are precious, worthy, and so treasured by myself and their Daddy.

A few days ago I sat beside their bed holding little hands in one hand and my head in the other. We had battled to get through the day, and I felt like I had nothing left to give. I could tell, by looking over at Joe, that he also had given almost everything he had to give to his intense day of work and tired demanding children at the end of it.

I could not help it as tears of weariness ran down my cheeks and onto my lap. Oh how I love them, oh how full of needs they are, oh how lacking I am. 

As I sat there quietly sniffling and not trying to alert my sensitive darlings to the fact that Mommy was crying (which to them is like the world ending!), I realized yet again the gift of parenthood. It is deeply humbling and reminds me so frequently that on my own I am not sufficient. Grace, grace, grace....but for the grace of God. 

Perhaps we all have a heroic hour? That one part of our day where we have to dig deepest and cry out most fervently for grace and strength. For me it is most certainly the bed time hour. Yet, just one short hour later as I sneak in  to kiss little cheeks one more time and tuck blankets around little bodies my heart cannot help but break with love and thanksgiving.

Sometimes sister is the best solution for a pillow and a rest. I can't wait to see one more little person in that snuggle! 

May you find the grace and strength you need for your own heroic hour!

To My Tiny Baby

"For this Child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted the desires of my heart." 1 Sam 1:27

5 Weeks

My tiny baby. You are only 5 weeks old, so hidden in my belly, so little and new, so loved by us!

Your sister has become my handmaiden, literally on my heels every moment of the day asking if there is anything I need. Your big brother keeps asking me if you will come out in the morning and I have to tell him that it will still be many mornings until he can stand by you with his sword and be your protector. Today he lit a candle before St. Joseph for you with daddy. He loves you!

As if daddy could do anything more he has been doing the chores and making mommy stay in bed longer or go to bed earlier. He is determined that you and I will both be healthy and strong, physically and emotionally!

We have dreamt about you for so very long and now our dreams are intensified. We wonder who you are, what your name is, what you look like. I dream about feeling your first fluttery kicks and your somersaults. You are so new and yet we have not been able to contain our secret from our friends and family. From the moment that you were you have been your own unique person, an eternal soul of infinite worth and we could not help but share the news of YOU.

Already there are little sacrifices involved with holding you safe in my belly, little selfish habits that I held to tightly that I have to let go for love of you. Already, my tiny baby, you make me better, more selfless, more resolute. Thank you!

We are counting the weeks until we meet you. They will go so slow and so fast all at the same time. In the meantime we will keep dreaming about you and praying for you.

I love you!

6 Weeks

My tiny baby. How I love you! You are 6 weeks and 3 days old, and starting to make your presence known a little more. You are already showing your unique you-ness, as you make Mama sick in the morning and not the night like your brother and sister. Mama has been pretty ill for the last 2 weeks with a sinus infection, and with the added nausea I've been a little cranky. However, I remind myself to be GRATEFUL. These are all signs of you, our darling. It is all for you and for our family, and it is all such meaningful suffering.

I went for a walk yesterday and was reminded of how I love these moments before the world knows about you. Anyone looking at me would have seen one person out for a walk....but there were 2 of us! Two people, two guardian angels....I'm never alone. I love having you with me.

I am counting the days until I can be a little more certain that you are OK in there. Until then we pray hard, loving you more and more.

12 Weeks

My tiny baby, you are 2 inches long now! Oh how I love you. I haven't written here since we started telling friends and family about you, perhaps because since then I seem to talk about you all the time. Your brother and sister only want to talk about you, or read books about how you are growing, or talk about what you should be named or whose bed you should sleep in. We pray for you at every meal and we give thanks for you and pray for you at bed time. It is Judah and Liliana's number one prayer intention these days. It is so fun!

The time is flying and I am simultaneously grateful and frightened by that. There are so many things i want to do before you are born....organizational things that would make me more ready for you. However all of my best intentions for fitness and productivity disappeared by how tired growing you as made me. I am hopeful the energy comes back, or maybe I'll have to ask for help, which wouldn't be so bad either.

Either way, I dream about you daily. I already yearn to have you in my arms and know you are safe. The second trimester certainly brings a little more security, but pregnancy after having experienced miscarriage is different than before. I am fearful for your safety and oh, so aware that every moment with you is a gift. Thank you for being part of our family!

10 weeks

12 Weeks you are the size of a LIME!

12 Weeks 

I love you so much. Keep growing my sweet little one!

To My Darling on Your First Day of Kingdergarten

My beautiful Girl! Here we are, the first day of kindergarten. I rejoice and feel mournful at this new step in our family's life....for sending you off to school will affect all of us. The simple ins and outs of spontaneous days with you and Judah at home will change. We will enjoy the new structure and we will find it a hard adjustment. Most of all, I will MISS you, my darling. I know this is just one more moment of letting go. We aren't warned that to be a parent is to be constantly letting go. You were in my belly and I so loved having you there. When you were born, oh how I missed having you so close. Those moments of missing you have continued as you grow in independence, grace, knowledge, and beauty! 

So fresh and new....I blinked and here we are all these years later!

We had a bit of a funny day "practicing" kindergarten last week. You and Mommy went to school to see where you would hang your backpack, put your outdoor shoes, sit, play, and learn. We did a craft, and much to my dismay I realized that I've never really taught you to use scissors, even though we have used scissors I never made sure you had it "right". I tried not to compare as I looked around and saw the other children having an easier time than you! I came home and cried to your daddy that I had not prepared you for kindergarten. He looked at me and sternly told me to evaluate the ways in which I had prepared you for kindergarten....skills and ways-of-being that cannot be learned in a week the same way scissor use can be. 

I realized that my deepest dream for you is that we have prepared you to go to school and be a little person of light, compassion, joy, and empathy. I pray we have taught you to have courage and persevere, to embrace challenges, and to have humility when you need help. 

You have had such a happy little life so far. I think that most of the learning that happened in our house was through happy playtime.

Italy and Ireland with Nanny and Papa

We had the happiest days on Maui together

Make believe is an every day thing around here!

You've travelled to several countries, you have spent countless hours outdoors in the mud lost in imaginary play, riding your bike, jumping, running, throwing, sliding, swinging. You love bugs and animals, crafts, baking, play dough. Dressing up and make-believe is your happy place, and it is sometimes hard to bring you back to the real world! You are AMAZING at making messes. You love helping daddy with building fires, painting projects, nailing, and even sawing. Spending time on Nonna and Papa's ranch helping with the animals and chores is one of your absolute favourite things to do.

In Texas, one of your most beloved places!

Daddy prince, one of my favourite memories of you and daddy's play time!

Thanks to doing music from a young age your memory work is incredible and you can recite prayers, poems, and songs after only hearing them a few times. You love to be read to and are currently devouring "Little House in the Big Woods" with Mama. 

You have a kind and tender heart, my sweet girl. I pray we have taught you to see in each new person someone of beauty and value. You are easily frustrated and overwhelmed, (and you have a bit of a temper!)...I hope we have given you tools to acknowledge and work through those feelings when you are presented with challenges in school. 

My little darling, it is hard for me to let you go! The world is a scary place sometimes, and I just want to snatch you to my heart and hold you close. However, the world is more beautiful than it is scary and I dream for you to take this first big step out into that world with a heart that sees the beauty and rejoices in it, knowing that you are eternally loved, treasured, and worthy. 

The best news of all? You are only 5 years old.....may I continue to treasure these years of snuggles, learning, growing, and playing!

We love you so!

I Marry You Mama

My sweet Judah the Lion.

His name means "to praise" and I rejoice in his little life that is a song of praise. 

He is the most darling temperament - tender, empathetic, sympathetic, and simultaneously fierce in his living and loving.

As he grows he has of course emerged more into a masculine way of being and is daily my knight, my rescuer, my hero. He yearns to be a hero in every game. My little man. He looks at his daddy with heart eyes and copies everything he does. Thank goodness his daddy is such a noble heart.

Of course Judah has moments of losing his temper or lashing out, yet his remorse is so swift and so sincere that we struggle to be firm with him. Still we are because he needs to learn self- control. If he accidentally hurts one of us somewhere he absolutely smothers that part of us with kisses and strokes. "Sowwy, sowwy, so so sowwy Mama!"

He has the most maddening and endearing habit of my skin being his "lovey". While I've been able to "wean" him off of stroking my skin while he falls asleep, most nights he crawls into bed around 2 am and spends the rest of the night stroking my arm. Last night I woke up to my face being cupped in both of his little hands. He was fast asleep, and I was fast asleep, and my face was in his hands. Joe and I are OK with his little nighttime adventures into our bed, because we know very soon they will end (as did his sister's) and I will lie in bed missing him a little. These moments fly too quickly.

I never want to forget the moment, a few weeks ago, when he was brooding about something. Thomas Rhett's "Die a Happy Man" came on the radio and I whisked him up and danced with him around the kitchen. He quickly forgot the reason for his misery and sang along a little, until he finally looked up at me, gave me a huge kiss on the lips and said "I marry you Mama."

Oh yes, my son I am perfectly OK with being your one and only as long as you'll have me, as I know all too well how quickly these precious years pass.

I love being your Mama!

** photos by Blair Marie Photography

Hold Them Closer

"Mooooooommy!....mommy?....mooooommmmy!"

I was jolted out of sleep the other night with the cries of our eldest in her bed down the hall. Through the fog of the deep sleep that, mere seconds before, I had been in I asked her what was wrong. She had a bad dream and was afraid to close her eyes again. "That's OK sweetie, mommy will hold you tight and close, and so will your angels. Everything is OK now."

I lay there holding her as her breath became deeper and more steady, creeping out only to find that my spot on the pillow had been commandeered by a curly two year old in search of some middle of the night cuddles.

As I lay in the dark holding him close, I reflected on this beautiful constant self-forgetfulness that is so much part of parenthood.

There are some who seem to preach that if you just train a child right they will fall asleep on their own and be beautifully independent from the time they are merely weeks old and you will "have your life back." At least for me, that has not been the way it works.

Even if a baby does learn to sleep through the night then they get a cold and need love, or a new tooth and need comfort, or become a toddler whose brain is exploding with development and need to fall asleep in your arms, or a preschooler who is exploring boundaries and needs to know you are the safest place. We never get our "old life" back. Thank goodness, because in its glorious exhausting messiness, this new life is much more beautiful and meaningful.

I have learned that when a child is the hardest to love is usually when they need to be held closer. That screaming baby needs to hear your heart beat, the tantruming toddler needs to be enveloped in a hug, and the defiant 5 year old needs to be pulled on your lap and kissed over and over. I can only imagine how close one's child needs to be held through adolescence.

This is hard for me, because in those moments when I find my darlings to be behaving quite despicably I want to turn my back for the moment and shut them out. This choice to hold them closer and shut the rest of the world out is what demands the constant denial of self and opting for love.

But oh how I do not regret one moment of holding them closer. I don't regret that they didn't sleep through the night until they were weaned, or that we bought a toddler sized carrier and even our 5 year old likes to be worn in it. I don't regret one single sleepless night of comforting or plans changed because of little needs. I see the beautiful fruits of our sacrifice growing, flourishing, and learning healthy independence right before my eyes. I pray that as they grow my children learn to opt for love, even when it doesn't feel good. In the meantime I will continue to hold them closer.

Whether your day is rainy like ours or filled with sunshine, may it be especially full of hugs.

With love,

Head Strokes and TLC

There is a specific way she used to stroke my head as I fell asleep. It is incredibly hard to describe but embedded in my memory, her signature head stroke. I was praying bedtime prayers tonight with Liliana and stroking her head in that exact way. It was so blissful for me when my Mama did it, and my fingers naturally stroke her hair like that. She sighed contentedly and her little eyelids fluttered closed.

Was she not so beautiful? She still is!

She did many little things. These are the things that stand out in my memory. "One Tin Soldier" as a bedtime song, nivea on my dry cheeks, love notes in my lunch box, picnics in the school yard. In her memory she made many mistakes. She is so humble and detailed that she will call me on the phone to this day and apologize for something she did in my childhood that she thinks could be making me sad!

Guess what? They don't stand out in my mind. Those little, beautiful acts of detailed love that inspire me in my daily mothering....those are what stand out to me. I knew, absolutely, unshakeably, irrevocably that I was loved beyond measure and without qualification.

Something is becoming abundantly clear to me, and it is that those tiny little details can be the ones that take the most effort. Because, as a Mama, after the normal daily tasks have been accomplished, it takes monumental effort sometimes to linger a little longer and sing one more song or stroke someones blond head for 3 more minutes. It takes monumental effort to put aside the to-do list and read one more story or play pretend. That middle of the night glass of water and tummy rubs....so little, just a few minutes, big effort. These little things make a huge impact, more than any short tempered or impatient moment could.

This gives me so much hope. My patience seems short these days and my nighttime wakings are often full of feelings of remorse over moments where I was harsh or lacking mercy in my discipline. Yet, when I think about how my own mother loved me and the memories that stand out as strong and clear as if they were yesterday....it is the delicate, detailed, little ways in which she loved me exactly how I needed to be loved.

My silly mini-Me and her funny fashion sense!

I pray one day my Liliana finds herself stroking someones head - be it a friend, daughter, husband, patient - and smiling over the way her fingers know exactly what to do just like her mama did. May I take enough moments to love her in small and detailed ways that she is inspired to find the energy to do the same....

May you be blessed!

Tender Hearted Little Man

It seems to me that anytime I write about a certain way one of my children is behaving, something changes. This is in the endearing things and the maddening things. When we are suffering because a child is cranky, sick, or fighting sleep I know that quickly this will pass. This is also the way with cute little quirks or obsessions. 

Judah in particular has gone through a series of obsessions. First he was obsessed with his stuffies, then his basketballs, and now his baby. Or, as he says it, "my little baby." This sweet boy won't go anywhere or do anything without his little baby. Sometimes when we are going out I insist on putting her clothes on because she is soooo grimy from love! When we go to the mall or for groceries he would prefer to push her in the stroller (which is pink). He is such a darling looking little boy that even in the most boyish of attire people comment that "she is so cute!"Kudos to Joe for having no issues that his little man is so tender hearted towards his little baby. We'll come across him bouncing her and shh-shh-shhing her. Truly, it is heart melting. This little boy is such a sweetheart! 

When little baby comes with us in the car she rides in her stroller and Judah holds the handle as tight as can be so she doesn't slide anywhere. We looked back one day to see him utterly out cold but with no more loose of a grip on his baby. 

Oh, how you make me smile, my tender hearted little man!

Our Little Mess Maker

It seems impossible that I'll ever forget just how messy our Liliana is, but Joe assures me that this, too, shall pass and one day be but a distant memory!

I think that seldom a day goes by where I don't say to Joe, "I am losing my mind, I cannot keep up with her mess, she is a tornado and we live in the eye of tornado Liliana. What do I do?"

NO JOKE! this is her room every.single.day. We actually do not own very many toys
but somehow they all end up from their proper place on her bedroom floor! Along with all of her outfit changes....

The thing about her is that her mess is all about whole hearted living. When she plays she PLAYS. Her creative play is not complete without every little aspect attended to, in order to make the game complete. When she eats, it is as though a band of pirates have come to join us. Yet, her table manners are not bad! Somehow, though, her chair and the floor are covered as though we had a rip roaring party.

When we are at home she changes at least 7 times a day. I am actually attempting not to exaggerate here so it may be more! With each outfit change her hair changes, and she pulls her elastics out with such violence it is no wonder her hair is so thin and fine! It is either that or she is in pyjama mode and changes from pj to pj with her hair looking like a wild nest!

At this point I think our two and their cousins were playing zoo. Not entirely evident...Liliana's wild, wild hair
because some days being in character means not brushing your hair??

I delight as I listen to her through her bedroom door, in total character, lost in play. And yet, I am exhausted by her mess. She knows it now, and sometimes when I walk in on tornado Liliana in all of her glory she says to me, "I am so SO sorry, I actually don't know what happened here!" You know, I believe her! She is so immersed in what she does. Still, I know that I need to help her learn to be more aware of the mess she is making, at least after she is finished playing! Little by little....

I know that, even if she may be a naturally messy person the day will come when her mess is no longer so immense. Just this evening she walked to me as I was tidying up from the day and asked, "Mama is there anything I can help with?" Albeit she wanted to help with something glamorous like chopping for dinner, but her attitude of eagerness to help and awareness of need is bitter-sweet evidence that she is growing out of her little cavewoman-ness.

Not entirely relevant but I love this picture of her on her daddy's lap!
Not too many more years left of painted cheeks and pigtails :)

I love this photo of our little tornado and her daddy
after his team won city gold. She cheers so whole heartedly and SO LOUD!
No worries about what other people think, this one!

Oh Liliana, what a funny, quirky, heart-melting girl you are! How I love you!

Moments of Grace: It's OK and We Still Love You

Today has been a particularly cranky day. In contrast to this post in which I speak about the gifts of these days, I have been walking around like an ungrateful grinch. My cranky filter is on. I look at my windows and instead of seeing sun shining through I see grimy hand prints. I open my cupboards and instead of seeing abundance I see doors and handles begging me to wipe them down. There are piles to be sorted, toilets to be scrubbed, and please don't even get me started on the baseboards. The mess of living with small children is something that has the tendency to give me anxiety heart palpitations. Most days I can fight them, today it seems like every mess that needs tending is screaming at me.

The mess cannot be tended to today. I have 4 little people (2 extras, whom I dearly love) who need my care. Just tidying is futile as they follow me around like little hurricanes destroying everything, including things I did not know could be destroyed. They have mouths that need feeding, hands and bums that need wiping, and on top it (GASP) they have emotional needs. They need to be snuggled, affirmed, read to, loved.

With two down for a nap I thought maybe a quick 25 minute workout would help with the mood issue. It seemed too early for wine (I kid, I kid, or do I?). As seems to happen with home workouts, immediate needs become URGENT RIGHT NOW NEEDS and I was interrupted again and again. I snapped. I was incredibly harsh and mean, and told my children that they were soooo annoying and I was soooo tired of them and for 6 more minutes I was focusing on myself. Their little eyes fell and shoulders slumped and they crept off to leave me alone.

Of course I couldn't finish my workout. There was nothing grace-filled, virtuous, or loving in my behavior. It is not a child's fault that they look out the window with hands and noses pressed to it watching the doggies go by. It is not their fault that they open our cupboards with grimy little hands from playtime. It is not their fault that dust and dirt cling to the baseboards in these winter months. It is certainly not their fault that I cannot control my temper when I am having a selfish moment.

And so I went to Liliana's room and opened the door. They were under her covers cuddling and giggling. "I am so sorry my darlings, I shouldn't be a cranky mommy with you. I am sorry and I will try hard not to do it again. Can you forgive me?" "It's OK!" says one. "Yes, it's OK mommy, and we still love you," says the other.

This is why motherhood is such a gift. It sometimes brings out or worst, but our worst brings us to our knees, and our knees bring us to forgiveness and new beginnings.

Judah - An Update

There are few words to describe just how delightful Judah is. After almost 1.5  years of baby blues (I hesitate to say PPD because I am unsure if that’s what it was), I emerged from the haze to find that I am undeniably irrevocably head over heels in love with this little boy. It sounds odd to say, because prior to feeling like myself I LOVED Judah, he was such a source of happiness for our family and for me, and I treasured every aspect of his little self, but the spontaneous feelings of in-love-ness weren’t as present. I was suffering. I mourned the loss of Liliana as my baby. I just wasn’t myself.

Oh but now I understand entirely how each subsequent baby will somehow mysteriously expand my heart and make it capable of love beyond what I knew I was capable of, because somehow I love each of my children so much that when I think about it, it’s hard to breath for how much I love them. (And don’t even get me started on how each baby makes me even MORE in love with my husband!).

I mean, seriously, how adorable is he? Of course I forgot his suit when
we were headed to a symphony after basketball, so he got to wear his favorite clothes to the Christmas symphony

Judah is SUCH a joy! I spend so many nights watching him sleep with his angelic blond hair and long eyelashes. He is tender, articulate, and passionate. Of course he has a penchant for the odd tantrum and he finds it hard to share his favorite toys, but I chalk that up to normal behavior. What really gets me about him is his empathy and sensitivity. If he is disobeying me I tell him that he is making my heart hurt and he RUNS to me, covering my face with kisses and saying “sorry mommy, sorry mommy.” It makes it frighteningly easy to discipline him because his sense of guilt is very strong if he is informed that he is hurting someone he loves. Almost every night I hear the pitter-patter of his feet as he comes to crawl in our bed, but we always let him. I’ll wake up to him stroking my arms or with his little around Joe’s neck. These are the days!

So thrilled with his Christmas tool set from St. Nick

Modelling the gloves for Daddy on fight night

A beautiful thing about our boy is his sensitivity to and love for his great-grandfather, "Papa", who has Alzheimer's disease. He is very protective of Papa and always concerned about something he is doing. At night he prayers for "Papa's broken brain feel better." It is so sweet.

A valentine's day snuggle

He has had quite the year. Since being 18 months old he has learned to talk in sentences, use the toilet, shoot basketballs/pucks/soccer balls, play pass, jump, feed himself, dress himself, do somersaults, and even pray. These early years of major development always astound me.

He gave up naps incredibly early....the odd day though he just can't fight it

Judah certainly has his quirks. He is obsessed with basketball and will only wear his basketball shorts and shirt when we are home. He also must sleep in them, and so we put them over his pyjamas. He knows that he is not allowed to wear them out in the cold and so he carries them with him. Recently I have started putting them in a little backpack because they were getting very dirty getting dragged around everywhere. It is a hugely dramatic moment when I inform him that we must wash his shorts and shirt. He stands there with his head against the glass door of the washing machine watching his shorts go around and around on speed cycle. The odd time I can lure him away with a show or snack.

Forced to wear a snow suit in -20, so his basketball shorts were in his pocket

He is also incredibly sensitive to scary things and if something is dark he is afraid of bad guys or ghosts. This is new territory for us as Liliana didn’t have a phase like this. We have to work hard at being patient when it makes the bedtime routine longer than it needs to be or he won’t play alone because he scared of “bad guys down there.”

I never want to forget how Judah adores his older sister. He is always concerned for her well-being and we often hear him say, “you be cawful weeanna!”He follows her around like a little puppy dog wanting to play with her. The odd time he’ll be rewarded with a character to participate in her game. He just lights up. I’ve stumbled across them snuggling, and he’ll be stroking her face or she’ll be “reading” him a book. Those are the little moments that make my heart sing.

I am treasuring these moments of having him with me all day every day. The other night as Joe and I were falling asleep I whispered that I don’t ever want Judah to grow up. He is just so darling and dear. Thank you, our dear son, for being such a delightful 2 year old. We are so grateful for the gift you are to our family!

(A little video of Judah's new counting talent)

Liliana - An Update

Liliana: An Update

This has been quite the year for our sweet, determined, imaginative girl! She started pre-school in the fall at a little school close to our house. She had quite a period of adjustment but now goes happily 3 mornings a week. Her biggest problem is that all the boys want to marry her, and that she is far more interested in playing than learning letters. Her teachers, thanks be to God, recognize that she is only 4 years old and it is OK that she is uninterested in letters. So, she plays and on the side learns a little bit. Exactly as a 4 year old should.

1 of 10,000 costume changes in a day for our imaginative girl

Pink day at school....she rocked it!

She is alternatively and simultaneously maddening and delightful. She is so eager to be helpful, she is inquisitive and adventurous, and incredibly athletic. She asks questions out of the blue like, “daddy, if God made Adam and Eve, who made God?” or “mommy if bad guys say s**t than are you a bad guy because I’ve heard you say it?” or “mommy this was a really good episode of my little pony, it taught me that I must forgive myself because the past is the past.” All of these questions lead to the current moment’s preoccupation being set down and a lesson in life and love being taught with a little prayer to the Holy Spirit.

Christmas gifts, a pony and a cat. It's the simple things in life when you are 4 years old

Along with these delightful qualities she is also in a phase of defiance, attitude, and a good amount of sass.

Little miss Sassy herself at the Christmas symphony

Regardless of the day we’ve had, nighttime comes and she emerges in her fuzzy pj's, dragging her soft blanket, asking for snuggles or to be held. What an age! As I see glimpses of the “big girl” she is becoming I snuggle her even tighter dreading the day when she outgrows her “fuzzies,” in every way.

 

Butterfly bandaids on her chin from a wild flying gymanstics leap into a window,
a pretty dress, and her daddy's lap....a perfect image of our girl

I don’t want to forget little things about this year with our Lyla Bug, such as the way she sped through every level of preschool swimming, like a little fish. She becomes something else when she enters the water - the joy just oozes out of her. I always need to remember the way she loves chicken wings, and so when we take our family out for wing night she sits there, pigtails and dirty face, as the wings pile up on her plate. She has no sense of how dirty her face is, yet she uses a wet wipe for her hands every 2 wings. I watch in amazement. She believes unquestionably in God, Jesus, Mary, and the Angels. I don’t want to forget how easy it was to teach her about these heavenly things because, as a child, her faith is so simple. It is just obvious to her!  I never want to forget what it is like to peek around the corner and secretly watch her imaginative play, relishing in her utter immersion in the game she has created for herself.

Wing night, her favorite are honey garlic

Liliana is such a tender and devoted big sister. She cares for Judah in a detailed and aware manner. The odd time he drives her crazy but we coach her through navigating those moments and I thrill to think of the friendship they could have as they grow.

A bittersweet memory, but I don’t want to forget how she clung to me as I dropped her at school, crying and crying. I had to pass her to her teachers and run to the car, where I too cried and cried and couldn’t drive. I wondered what we had gotten ourselves into.

I could go on and on, and yet this is only supposed to be an update.  Liliana Joy, it is such a pleasure to be your mommy. There have been nights, after you are asleep, that I turn to your daddy and wonder how it is that I am not ruining you because as our eldest I am learning as you are growing. Some days I am so quick tempered or my expectations are too high. You are so forgiving and quick to forget, you just LOVE us and continue to trust us unquestionably. Thank you, our darling. We praise our good God for the gift of you!