Grade 1 for Our Little Lamb

I always hope this year has a special place in the recesses of my heart, the first year that I had the privilege and the challenge of educating our daughter at home.

When she was just tiny, I always called Liliana my little lamb...tender, intuitive, slightly clumsy, daring, introverted....happy to be held close by mama always. 

My little Liliana Lamb 

Kindergarten at our nearby school was not a bad experience, but our Liliana suffered from the anxiety of an education system very much oriented to the outgoing and the extroverted. Lots of group work and a structure that is necessarily conducive to the good of the majority meant that she was very much lost in the crowd. She started biting her nails and struggled to fall asleep at night. Her sense of wonder and delight seemed to fade. She had lovely friends and an amazing teacher, but she was not thriving and our hearts were troubled!

Over the summer we saw our girl emerge again in confidence, playfulness, and peace. The thought of sending her to school for 8 hour days, when Judah would miss her terribly AS WOULD I, gently guided my heart towards another possibility. I felt so sad that the only time we would have with her would be a few precious hours at night....  I started reading, and researching, and considering the possibility of teaching her at home - which, by the way, is something I never would have imagined in my most WILD dreams! So of course we also prayed hard for wisdom and discernment. 

Ann Voskamp

Of course, this year was not without its challenges, and I had a few moments of feeling woeful for the reality of being surrounded by small children all.the.time. I had a few pity parties for "all the things I could get done" if I was not teaching Liliana. 

That being said I did have moments of respite, because she spent 2 days per week learning at a little cottage school, so beautifully devoted to instilling in children a sense of wonder and delight....and, get this, her age group was called "The Little Lambs!"

And, when I really took it to prayer, is there anything more important, more pressing, or more eternally relevant than forming our sweet one - intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually - in the heart of our home?

No, because it was obvious to me as her mama that this unique little soul needed to be learning close to home, at least for now, and so that is what we did. 

A few lessons for me from the year...

 - we are our children's advocates, voices, ambassadors - we do not have to be swayed by convention or "the way it is always done." We can decide with boldness and confidence the best for them, without apologizing or justifying - for me, as a pleaser, this was a very important lessons. One I always knew but got to live this year

- Never say never! Gosh am I learning this humbling lesson over and over again in motherhood

- the delight of seeing the world of reading books unfold before a child is really a privilege to witness, and what an honour for me, as her mama, to be primarily instrumental in facilitating this!

- the flexibility of learning at home is unmatched! We only ever spent 3 hours maximum at school, and even then took some days or even weeks off because we were getting too far ahead!

- friendship between siblings is a precious, beautiful thing to witness. This seems so random for this blog, but my goodness am I happy that the friendship between Liliana and Judah only grew deeper this year!

I could go on and on about the gifts and challenges of this year! I am grateful to be wrapping it up, I am grateful for the break, I am grateful for a little girl who is thriving and blossoming. She is joyfilled, bouncy, messy, determined, delightful, innocent, and loves her family, Jesus, and her neighbour with sweet devotion. What a year it has been for our Little Lamb!

My sweet Liliana, I loved teaching you this year. Thank you, my darling, for the most heart-stretching time learning together on this new journey!

Liliana's Favorite Colour

I've been so neglectful of this wonderful little space! Since September life has been moving at an absolutely furious pace, probably exacerbated in my experience by the necessary life adjustments that come with school being a part of our reality!

Anyhow, over the next few days I am hoping to take some time and jot down memories from advent and Christmas, in the hopes of capturing them, in all of their fleeting beauty and sweetness, for the sake of my children. 

We spent an impromptu Christmas with extended family in the Montana woods, and my, was it marvelous! I will spend time in another post sharing precious memories. This little post is dedicated to Liliana's answer to a dinner-time question on our last night. 

As we all sat around together eating dinner, the question of "What is your favorite colour, and why?" was asked.

Our sweet, determined, introverted girl, who very much knows her own mind, volunteered to go first.

"My favorite colour is red." Immediately I was surprised as I always thought her favorite colour was pink! "Because it is the colour of my heart and my heart is where God is."

Joe and I exchanged glances behind her back. That is the sort of moment where you don't want to see your child reacting, because you want them to be free to say that sort of thing without looking for applause or affirmation. Of course we exclaimed that it was a lovely answer and a great colour to be your favorite.

I still don't know whether red truly is her favorite colour. If I were to offer her an item of clothing in pink or red I think she would pick pink! However, I think her answer gave much insight into who our lovely little lady is growing to be and how we can help her. Perhaps part of her answer is because she knew it was a good answer. Perhaps part of her answer is because she knew it was the ideal, or she had some perception that the question was deeper than it seemed. Most certainly it affirms her emotional sensitivity and intelligence, and it inspires me to protect and foster her EQ as we help her through this first year of kindergarten, in which her introversion and shyness have been at times considered problematic. It definitely affirms for me that our efforts to make our home and life God-centered are not lost, even in the midst of the little temper tantrums and feisty five year old behaviors.

Yes, my darling, you do have God in your heart. A beautiful, life-giving, grace-infusing presence of our heavenly King who loved you into existence. May your daddy and I continue to show you and teach you just how loved you are!

Our sweet grown up girl on Christmas Eve!

May your 2017 be starting with much joy and light!

To My Darling on Your First Day of Kingdergarten

My beautiful Girl! Here we are, the first day of kindergarten. I rejoice and feel mournful at this new step in our family's life....for sending you off to school will affect all of us. The simple ins and outs of spontaneous days with you and Judah at home will change. We will enjoy the new structure and we will find it a hard adjustment. Most of all, I will MISS you, my darling. I know this is just one more moment of letting go. We aren't warned that to be a parent is to be constantly letting go. You were in my belly and I so loved having you there. When you were born, oh how I missed having you so close. Those moments of missing you have continued as you grow in independence, grace, knowledge, and beauty! 

So fresh and new....I blinked and here we are all these years later!

We had a bit of a funny day "practicing" kindergarten last week. You and Mommy went to school to see where you would hang your backpack, put your outdoor shoes, sit, play, and learn. We did a craft, and much to my dismay I realized that I've never really taught you to use scissors, even though we have used scissors I never made sure you had it "right". I tried not to compare as I looked around and saw the other children having an easier time than you! I came home and cried to your daddy that I had not prepared you for kindergarten. He looked at me and sternly told me to evaluate the ways in which I had prepared you for kindergarten....skills and ways-of-being that cannot be learned in a week the same way scissor use can be. 

I realized that my deepest dream for you is that we have prepared you to go to school and be a little person of light, compassion, joy, and empathy. I pray we have taught you to have courage and persevere, to embrace challenges, and to have humility when you need help. 

You have had such a happy little life so far. I think that most of the learning that happened in our house was through happy playtime.

Italy and Ireland with Nanny and Papa

We had the happiest days on Maui together

Make believe is an every day thing around here!

You've travelled to several countries, you have spent countless hours outdoors in the mud lost in imaginary play, riding your bike, jumping, running, throwing, sliding, swinging. You love bugs and animals, crafts, baking, play dough. Dressing up and make-believe is your happy place, and it is sometimes hard to bring you back to the real world! You are AMAZING at making messes. You love helping daddy with building fires, painting projects, nailing, and even sawing. Spending time on Nonna and Papa's ranch helping with the animals and chores is one of your absolute favourite things to do.

In Texas, one of your most beloved places!

Daddy prince, one of my favourite memories of you and daddy's play time!

Thanks to doing music from a young age your memory work is incredible and you can recite prayers, poems, and songs after only hearing them a few times. You love to be read to and are currently devouring "Little House in the Big Woods" with Mama. 

You have a kind and tender heart, my sweet girl. I pray we have taught you to see in each new person someone of beauty and value. You are easily frustrated and overwhelmed, (and you have a bit of a temper!)...I hope we have given you tools to acknowledge and work through those feelings when you are presented with challenges in school. 

My little darling, it is hard for me to let you go! The world is a scary place sometimes, and I just want to snatch you to my heart and hold you close. However, the world is more beautiful than it is scary and I dream for you to take this first big step out into that world with a heart that sees the beauty and rejoices in it, knowing that you are eternally loved, treasured, and worthy. 

The best news of all? You are only 5 years old.....may I continue to treasure these years of snuggles, learning, growing, and playing!

We love you so!

Our Little Mess Maker

It seems impossible that I'll ever forget just how messy our Liliana is, but Joe assures me that this, too, shall pass and one day be but a distant memory!

I think that seldom a day goes by where I don't say to Joe, "I am losing my mind, I cannot keep up with her mess, she is a tornado and we live in the eye of tornado Liliana. What do I do?"

NO JOKE! this is her room every.single.day. We actually do not own very many toys
but somehow they all end up from their proper place on her bedroom floor! Along with all of her outfit changes....

The thing about her is that her mess is all about whole hearted living. When she plays she PLAYS. Her creative play is not complete without every little aspect attended to, in order to make the game complete. When she eats, it is as though a band of pirates have come to join us. Yet, her table manners are not bad! Somehow, though, her chair and the floor are covered as though we had a rip roaring party.

When we are at home she changes at least 7 times a day. I am actually attempting not to exaggerate here so it may be more! With each outfit change her hair changes, and she pulls her elastics out with such violence it is no wonder her hair is so thin and fine! It is either that or she is in pyjama mode and changes from pj to pj with her hair looking like a wild nest!

At this point I think our two and their cousins were playing zoo. Not entirely evident...Liliana's wild, wild hair
because some days being in character means not brushing your hair??

I delight as I listen to her through her bedroom door, in total character, lost in play. And yet, I am exhausted by her mess. She knows it now, and sometimes when I walk in on tornado Liliana in all of her glory she says to me, "I am so SO sorry, I actually don't know what happened here!" You know, I believe her! She is so immersed in what she does. Still, I know that I need to help her learn to be more aware of the mess she is making, at least after she is finished playing! Little by little....

I know that, even if she may be a naturally messy person the day will come when her mess is no longer so immense. Just this evening she walked to me as I was tidying up from the day and asked, "Mama is there anything I can help with?" Albeit she wanted to help with something glamorous like chopping for dinner, but her attitude of eagerness to help and awareness of need is bitter-sweet evidence that she is growing out of her little cavewoman-ness.

Not entirely relevant but I love this picture of her on her daddy's lap!
Not too many more years left of painted cheeks and pigtails :)

I love this photo of our little tornado and her daddy
after his team won city gold. She cheers so whole heartedly and SO LOUD!
No worries about what other people think, this one!

Oh Liliana, what a funny, quirky, heart-melting girl you are! How I love you!

Liliana - An Update

Liliana: An Update

This has been quite the year for our sweet, determined, imaginative girl! She started pre-school in the fall at a little school close to our house. She had quite a period of adjustment but now goes happily 3 mornings a week. Her biggest problem is that all the boys want to marry her, and that she is far more interested in playing than learning letters. Her teachers, thanks be to God, recognize that she is only 4 years old and it is OK that she is uninterested in letters. So, she plays and on the side learns a little bit. Exactly as a 4 year old should.

1 of 10,000 costume changes in a day for our imaginative girl

Pink day at school....she rocked it!

She is alternatively and simultaneously maddening and delightful. She is so eager to be helpful, she is inquisitive and adventurous, and incredibly athletic. She asks questions out of the blue like, “daddy, if God made Adam and Eve, who made God?” or “mommy if bad guys say s**t than are you a bad guy because I’ve heard you say it?” or “mommy this was a really good episode of my little pony, it taught me that I must forgive myself because the past is the past.” All of these questions lead to the current moment’s preoccupation being set down and a lesson in life and love being taught with a little prayer to the Holy Spirit.

Christmas gifts, a pony and a cat. It's the simple things in life when you are 4 years old

Along with these delightful qualities she is also in a phase of defiance, attitude, and a good amount of sass.

Little miss Sassy herself at the Christmas symphony

Regardless of the day we’ve had, nighttime comes and she emerges in her fuzzy pj's, dragging her soft blanket, asking for snuggles or to be held. What an age! As I see glimpses of the “big girl” she is becoming I snuggle her even tighter dreading the day when she outgrows her “fuzzies,” in every way.

 

Butterfly bandaids on her chin from a wild flying gymanstics leap into a window,
a pretty dress, and her daddy's lap....a perfect image of our girl

I don’t want to forget little things about this year with our Lyla Bug, such as the way she sped through every level of preschool swimming, like a little fish. She becomes something else when she enters the water - the joy just oozes out of her. I always need to remember the way she loves chicken wings, and so when we take our family out for wing night she sits there, pigtails and dirty face, as the wings pile up on her plate. She has no sense of how dirty her face is, yet she uses a wet wipe for her hands every 2 wings. I watch in amazement. She believes unquestionably in God, Jesus, Mary, and the Angels. I don’t want to forget how easy it was to teach her about these heavenly things because, as a child, her faith is so simple. It is just obvious to her!  I never want to forget what it is like to peek around the corner and secretly watch her imaginative play, relishing in her utter immersion in the game she has created for herself.

Wing night, her favorite are honey garlic

Liliana is such a tender and devoted big sister. She cares for Judah in a detailed and aware manner. The odd time he drives her crazy but we coach her through navigating those moments and I thrill to think of the friendship they could have as they grow.

A bittersweet memory, but I don’t want to forget how she clung to me as I dropped her at school, crying and crying. I had to pass her to her teachers and run to the car, where I too cried and cried and couldn’t drive. I wondered what we had gotten ourselves into.

I could go on and on, and yet this is only supposed to be an update.  Liliana Joy, it is such a pleasure to be your mommy. There have been nights, after you are asleep, that I turn to your daddy and wonder how it is that I am not ruining you because as our eldest I am learning as you are growing. Some days I am so quick tempered or my expectations are too high. You are so forgiving and quick to forget, you just LOVE us and continue to trust us unquestionably. Thank you, our darling. We praise our good God for the gift of you!

My Sweet Imaginative Little Love

Sweet Liliana, what would Mama do without you? I've been captivated by your sweet self since the moment I knew you existed in my belly. Now, here you are almost 3 years old and you daily thrill me with all of your uniqueness. 

You live in costumes, all of which you creatively assemble!

I can't believe that such a creative, imaginative, empathetic, and intelligent little person has been entrusted to me to mold and care for. Your sweet little mind, as it explores this big and interesting world, sometimes scares me with its inquisitiveness and capacity for learning. Just the other day you told us that mushroom soup was a temptation for you, oh how we laughed! You used the word pensive at the dinner table a few nights ago! Today I found you ever so gently chasing ants and trying to pick them up. You just wanted to pet them, you said. Your soft heart for all creatures, and your total lack of fear when it comes to critters, astounds me!

It's finally warm enough to be outside again, and you could LIVE out there!

You are so unique with such a huge imagination, you even EAT in character :)

What really has moved me in these months since Judah joined us is your emotional intelligence. Of course, I was aware that you seemed to have a high EQ before he was born, but now I am reminded on a daily basis of just how emotionally in tune you are by your responses to me! We have to be so careful how we discipline you, because you are so intensely fearful of us being unhappy. Whenever you accidentally spill a drink or have an accident your first question is, "are you still happy?"If you think I am sad or frustrated you always propose playing what you perceive to be MY favorite game, even though it isn't yours. I am so humbled by your selfless little heart.

You beg to hold Judah every day....and he is getting so big and heavy for you!

You are a perfectionist, to be sure....and so if it is a part of a picture where you can't colour in the lines, or a physical challenge you assume you'll "fail" at, you'd rather not do it. Like a true Canadian, you say sorry far too often! We are working hard to help you be kind to yourself.

An example of your careful art work, you concentrate so deeply when you colour and paint!

Today I am so grateful that you are still innocent enough to wear your cinderella dress grocery shopping. I am thankful for your absolute joy in jumping in puddles. Most of our walks take 3 times as long because you climb over every rock, down every hill, through every puddle. I try not to mind the slow pace too much...who knows how long you'll love such things so intensely?

I love you my sweet, funny, smart, and caring little lamb. I am so grateful that you are my daughter.

Cheers!!