Christmas Joy

If you know me, you know that Christmas is one of my absolute favorite times of the year! It takes all of my discipline to hold off on Christmas-ing until the appropriate time, but I do spend time and energy planning and scheming early. As Catholics, we have the gift of Advent, a liturgical season of preparation and waiting. It is important to me to convey this to our children, that Christmas is not here until baby Jesus is born, so the rest of December is spent earnestly anticipating, preparing, and waiting. 

Because of all of this, it felt hard that Christmas this year was up in the air. My sister is stuck indefinitely in the USA awaiting her green card, but we had hoped that she would be free to leave by Christmas. Last minute, however, we realized this was not to be so and due to the generosity of dear family friends, relocated our family Christmas celebration to Montana. 

As it always seems to be, in the act of surrendering both my "perfect" plans and the security of knowing exactly what to expect, this Christmas was infused with joy, laughter, and a deep sense of the season's true meaning. 

Our children waited and counted and prayed. We attended Christmas Eve mass and sang happy birthday to Baby Jesus as we finally placed Him in the manger. It was so wonderful to see Judah and Liliana finally open their gifts on Christmas morning, gifts that they knew were theirs because Jesus loves them so much He wants them to have presents on His birthday. Their joy was palpable. The time we spent in carefree play with our children in the days sorrounding Christmas was balm for our souls. We woke up each morning to the snow quietly falling. It is incredible how quiet the world is when it is a snow globe. The deer passed peacefully past our windows or across the lake. Liliana learned to skate and her beautiful red cheeks after hours of skating each day thrilled me! Joe took several intentional days off of work, and Judah got to spend hours each day with his idol, doing "manly" things all day long until he just couldn't keep his eyes open. It was beautiful to watch. I never want to forget this Christmas. 

Christmas morning, baby boy in utero 22 weeks

All he wanted for Christmas this year was a penny whistle and a microphone. St. Nicholas delivered on both!

Christmas Eve excitement. Carrots for the reindeer and cookies with milk for Santa.

Christmas morning visitors, they could sense that this day was special among days!

Playing "hockey". Judah's face here as he plays with his daddy just melts me

Sweet rose-bud lipped cousin Sophia Rose. 

Her first day on the ice! by day 3 she was doing unassisted laps. Such a determined little girl!

Checking on the ice fishing rods. Joe is patient and devoted among fathers, he will spend all day exploring the natural world with his children and teaching them new skills

All of a sudden so slender and so grown up!

Judah and Grandad shoveling the ice, what a special memory!

I pray that your Christmas was joy-filled in it's own beautiful way!

Who Are You, Tiny Baby?

On December 5th we had our ultrasound to check on Tiny Baby's growth. I wait and yearn for these ultrasounds, as due to some personal fears about the safety of repeated exposure to ultrasound for a growing baby I do not have an initial or 12 week ultrasound. It is always such a joy to see out beautiful growing baby on that screen. I marvelled over his big toe that looked just like his daddy's, his sweet little arms and fists by his nose. His long legs that then on the report measured in millimeteres were moving and kicking. It was wonderful and so consoling to know that he is well.

Our tradition with revealing baby's gender has been to get the ultrasound tech to write it down, and then to take the sealed envelope to a special dinner in order to open it. We video tape ourselves opening it to show to the baby once they are old enough to understand. This time was especially wonderful because our children were old enough to partcipate and be excited! We shopped for and prepared a special tapas tray, some non-alchoholic wine for all, and opened the envelope together.

Liliana waiting with unbelievable excitement for daddy to be done work 

so we could find out!!

Liliana had her heart set on a sister, and we were all quite convinced that a baby girl was on the way due to the fact that I was craving eggs and candy! She took a few minutes to get over the fact that there is actually a baby brother coming, but now we can't imagine it any other way!

Now the big question is what to name him! Who are you, our tiny baby boy?

Liliana's Favorite Colour

I've been so neglectful of this wonderful little space! Since September life has been moving at an absolutely furious pace, probably exacerbated in my experience by the necessary life adjustments that come with school being a part of our reality!

Anyhow, over the next few days I am hoping to take some time and jot down memories from advent and Christmas, in the hopes of capturing them, in all of their fleeting beauty and sweetness, for the sake of my children. 

We spent an impromptu Christmas with extended family in the Montana woods, and my, was it marvelous! I will spend time in another post sharing precious memories. This little post is dedicated to Liliana's answer to a dinner-time question on our last night. 

As we all sat around together eating dinner, the question of "What is your favorite colour, and why?" was asked.

Our sweet, determined, introverted girl, who very much knows her own mind, volunteered to go first.

"My favorite colour is red." Immediately I was surprised as I always thought her favorite colour was pink! "Because it is the colour of my heart and my heart is where God is."

Joe and I exchanged glances behind her back. That is the sort of moment where you don't want to see your child reacting, because you want them to be free to say that sort of thing without looking for applause or affirmation. Of course we exclaimed that it was a lovely answer and a great colour to be your favorite.

I still don't know whether red truly is her favorite colour. If I were to offer her an item of clothing in pink or red I think she would pick pink! However, I think her answer gave much insight into who our lovely little lady is growing to be and how we can help her. Perhaps part of her answer is because she knew it was a good answer. Perhaps part of her answer is because she knew it was the ideal, or she had some perception that the question was deeper than it seemed. Most certainly it affirms her emotional sensitivity and intelligence, and it inspires me to protect and foster her EQ as we help her through this first year of kindergarten, in which her introversion and shyness have been at times considered problematic. It definitely affirms for me that our efforts to make our home and life God-centered are not lost, even in the midst of the little temper tantrums and feisty five year old behaviors.

Yes, my darling, you do have God in your heart. A beautiful, life-giving, grace-infusing presence of our heavenly King who loved you into existence. May your daddy and I continue to show you and teach you just how loved you are!

Our sweet grown up girl on Christmas Eve!

May your 2017 be starting with much joy and light!

Hold Them Closer

"Mooooooommy!....mommy?....mooooommmmy!"

I was jolted out of sleep the other night with the cries of our eldest in her bed down the hall. Through the fog of the deep sleep that, mere seconds before, I had been in I asked her what was wrong. She had a bad dream and was afraid to close her eyes again. "That's OK sweetie, mommy will hold you tight and close, and so will your angels. Everything is OK now."

I lay there holding her as her breath became deeper and more steady, creeping out only to find that my spot on the pillow had been commandeered by a curly two year old in search of some middle of the night cuddles.

As I lay in the dark holding him close, I reflected on this beautiful constant self-forgetfulness that is so much part of parenthood.

There are some who seem to preach that if you just train a child right they will fall asleep on their own and be beautifully independent from the time they are merely weeks old and you will "have your life back." At least for me, that has not been the way it works.

Even if a baby does learn to sleep through the night then they get a cold and need love, or a new tooth and need comfort, or become a toddler whose brain is exploding with development and need to fall asleep in your arms, or a preschooler who is exploring boundaries and needs to know you are the safest place. We never get our "old life" back. Thank goodness, because in its glorious exhausting messiness, this new life is much more beautiful and meaningful.

I have learned that when a child is the hardest to love is usually when they need to be held closer. That screaming baby needs to hear your heart beat, the tantruming toddler needs to be enveloped in a hug, and the defiant 5 year old needs to be pulled on your lap and kissed over and over. I can only imagine how close one's child needs to be held through adolescence.

This is hard for me, because in those moments when I find my darlings to be behaving quite despicably I want to turn my back for the moment and shut them out. This choice to hold them closer and shut the rest of the world out is what demands the constant denial of self and opting for love.

But oh how I do not regret one moment of holding them closer. I don't regret that they didn't sleep through the night until they were weaned, or that we bought a toddler sized carrier and even our 5 year old likes to be worn in it. I don't regret one single sleepless night of comforting or plans changed because of little needs. I see the beautiful fruits of our sacrifice growing, flourishing, and learning healthy independence right before my eyes. I pray that as they grow my children learn to opt for love, even when it doesn't feel good. In the meantime I will continue to hold them closer.

Whether your day is rainy like ours or filled with sunshine, may it be especially full of hugs.

With love,

The Whole-Hearted Parenting Manifesto

Joe and I have been so moved by Brene Brown's Whole Hearted Parenting Manifesto, I wanted to put it down here. We have found it incredibly helpful to refer back upon as we form our children to be honest, vulnerable, accountable, virtuous, empathetic, courageous individuals (and the list goes on and on). We wish we had a wall big enough to put it on! Maybe in our dream house....

I hope you enjoy it as much as we do!

The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto

Above all else, I want you to know that you are loved and lovable. You will learn this from my words and actions--the lessons on love are in how I treat you and how I treat myself.

I want you to engage with the world from a place of worthiness. You will learn that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy every time you see me practice self-compassion and embrace my own imperfections.

We will practice courage in our family by showing up, letting ourselves be seen, and honoring vulnerability. We will share our stories of struggle and strength. There will always be room in our home for both.

We will teach you compassion by practicing compassion with ourselves first; then with each other. We will set and respect boundaries; we will honor hard work, hope, and perseverance. Rest and play will be family values, as well as family practices.

You will learn accountability and respect by watching me make mistakes and make amends, and by watching how I ask for what I need and talk about how I feel.

I want you to know joy, so together we will practice gratitude.

I want you to feel joy, so together we will learn how to be vulnerable.

When uncertainty and scarcity visit, you will be able to draw from the spirit that is a part of our everyday life.

Together we will cry and face fear and grief. I will want to take away your pain, but instead I will sit with you and teach you how to feel it.

We will laugh and sing and dance and create. We will always have permission to be ourselves with each other. No matter what, you will always belong here.

As you begin your Wholehearted journey, the greatest gift that I can give to you is to live and love with my whole heart and to dare greatly.

I will not teach or love or show you anything perfectly, but I will let you see me, and I will always hold sacred the gift of seeing you. Truly, deeply, seeing you.

Taming the Wild Things

A warm hello to you on this beautiful sunny Sunday. Our weekend has been filled with playtime, popsicles, new flowers, ladybugs, and many many baths. I pray yours has been just as wonderful!

I hope you like the new look and title of our blog! Entering into a new decade of life and a new half-decade of marriage, it just seemed like time for a little update. Lions and Lilies are symbolic and meaningful to our lives in many ways. Hopefully this will continue to be an uplifting space for any who wish to read these simple chronicles.

Oh sweet spring, you make our hearts happy!

As I read Where the Wild Things Are to my two sweeties yesterday it occurred to me what an appropriate and powerful analogy the story is to how I view discipline's role and the journey to emotional maturity. Almost certainly the author had no intention of conveying the message I received. Yet, here I go....

Max puts on his wolf suit and makes mischief of every kind until his mom sends him to his room. When I ask Liliana to remove herself to a quiet place (and believe me, Judah soon), it is not because I want her to suffer. It is because I want to provide her with an environment where she can quiet herself. With her, it works for me to tell her that when she is ready to join us again and speak/act with love she is welcome. As my children grow I'm sure there will be times where an action befits a more harsh sentence of time alone, but for now this works. I send her to her room to seek peace

Max meets the wild things. Wild things! Is that not what our untamed emotions are? Deep within us, these wild creatures who gnash their terrible teeth and roar and stomp? They want to be in charge, these wild things. They want to be the kings of us, of our minds and our behaviour - untamed and without any hierarchy of authority within us.

Mischief makers? I say yes!

Max stares into their eyes and becomes king of the wild things. This is the key, isn't it? When I discipline I don't want to disregard my children's very real feelings. Is it not true that some of the biggest problems people face in their adult lives are due to being untapped into their emotions or believing that their feelings should simply be squelched? What I want to teach (and model in my own behaviour) is the whole "feel and deal" scenario. These are the questions I want to help them ask..."Yes, what I am feeling is powerful and real, but why?" and "I feel like acting this way because I feel that way, but is it appropriate or constructive?" and "what can I do that is appropriate and constructive to deal with this?". (Of course the language is far simpler with wee ones!)

Max has a wild rumpus. It seems to me that Max does feel and deal. He has a rumpus with the wild things. Even though he is king of them he still parties with them. In my analogy this rumpus is like that moment of inner questioning and resolving, maybe even wrestling. I think that people also have wild rumpuses where they are not the kings of the wild things. In my toddlers this looks like body flinging, toy throwing, high-pitched-screaming. In adults it may look like something entirely different! For me, it may involve (non-constructive) sulking :)

I think most of our daytime play would qualify as a "wild rumpus"

But he gets lonely and wants to go back to the place where he is loved most of all. Isn't this the beautiful thing? The journey to emotional maturity frees us to choose love and uplifting relationships. It allows us to open ourselves to being loved and to loving.  Some of the hardest people to connect with as an adult are those who are controlled by their feelings. I suppose we would call these people who are lacking emotional maturity. They are so up-down-and-all-around that connection is evasive and going deeper (which love demands) just can't happen. I see it very clearly when my Liliana has calmed herself and is ready to speak or act with love. She comes out to our arms, always, to give and get some lovin'.

And his dinner was still hot. Because this is the key to discipline, is it not? A non-reactive heart of tenderness and generosity? For me, reactive discipline (yelling and berating) would be  is easier, but so much less effective in the grand scheme of nurturing and teaching.

So there you have it, discipline modelled on Max and his journey to the land of wild things.

I would love to know what some of your philosophies on discipline are or what tactics you have for helping your children "feel and deal." How do you find the balance between firm and tender?

I should leave it at that because I have some crazies of my own to feed dinner to, and hopefully during dinner we don't have to tame too many wild things :)

"Sigh" life is good!

With love,