Moments of Grace: In the Fullness of TIme

I remember when we lost our second baby, Tristan, to miscarriage. It was hard to understand or accept why God would allow such a thing to happen. Yet, when Tristan's due date came and I was already pregnant with Judah, it made sense to me. Holding sweet Judah in my arms as a tiny one and whispering his name to him which means, "to praise",  I knew that in the fullness of time God had allowed such a suffering as a pregnancy loss for such a glory as Judah's beautiful life.

The moment of Judah's accident last week keeps me awake at night. The juxtaposition of the happy and delightful moments before is hard for my soul to digest. It had been an intense week, and I'd been caught up in the to-dos before we departed for Texas. On that day, with the sun shining and my children laughing and playing so delightedly, I made a conscious decision to just BE and PLAY for as long as we could.

I sat there gazing at our darlings playing and in a moment everything changed, as his little leg was broken in front of my eyes, and my whole being unable to stop it from happening. Delighted laughs to pain in an instant.

I have had to work to make peace with the fact that God allowed it to happen. Such a suffering, body and soul, for our son....and then I realized something beautiful!

Our Ezekiel is big...huge as a matter of fact. He is 100th percentile for height, 96th for weight, and wearing clothing that Judah was wearing last summer. It has been comical trying to understand 2 brothers built so differently, or even comprehend why I was given this particular challenge of an absolutely enormous baby to tote around in a season of life where the demands on me were already intense enough. My arms, legs, and back are strong by necessity because of going through the daily rigours of motherhood with a ginormous hunk of love on my hips. 

And then, a few days ago, as I was carrying Judah from one place to another and he felt like an absolute feather, I realized that in the fullness of time this beautiful grace was allowed....that I would have the strength and stamina to tend to a child who was rendered immobile by an accident. While it is a slight inconvenience to carry him everywhere, it is not in any way too difficult for me physically. This gives sweet Judah a sense of being safe, secure, held, supported, and in no way a burden for us in his brokenness.

Outside of time, and in His eternal perspective, God the Father saw fit to give me this consolation....knowing the sadness of a child with a broken limb, and knowing that it would take extra strength to help him navigate this challenge without discouraging him, I was blessed with a super huge chunky baby to build my muscles up.

Truly it may seem far fetched, but I know for a fact, with deep Faith, that this gift has been given us. I revel in this small inkling of the workings of God's grace in the midst of our human freedom,  and I say, "thank you."

"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary, His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might He increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."                

Isaiah 40: 28-31

Christmas Joy

If you know me, you know that Christmas is one of my absolute favorite times of the year! It takes all of my discipline to hold off on Christmas-ing until the appropriate time, but I do spend time and energy planning and scheming early. As Catholics, we have the gift of Advent, a liturgical season of preparation and waiting. It is important to me to convey this to our children, that Christmas is not here until baby Jesus is born, so the rest of December is spent earnestly anticipating, preparing, and waiting. 

Because of all of this, it felt hard that Christmas this year was up in the air. My sister is stuck indefinitely in the USA awaiting her green card, but we had hoped that she would be free to leave by Christmas. Last minute, however, we realized this was not to be so and due to the generosity of dear family friends, relocated our family Christmas celebration to Montana. 

As it always seems to be, in the act of surrendering both my "perfect" plans and the security of knowing exactly what to expect, this Christmas was infused with joy, laughter, and a deep sense of the season's true meaning. 

Our children waited and counted and prayed. We attended Christmas Eve mass and sang happy birthday to Baby Jesus as we finally placed Him in the manger. It was so wonderful to see Judah and Liliana finally open their gifts on Christmas morning, gifts that they knew were theirs because Jesus loves them so much He wants them to have presents on His birthday. Their joy was palpable. The time we spent in carefree play with our children in the days sorrounding Christmas was balm for our souls. We woke up each morning to the snow quietly falling. It is incredible how quiet the world is when it is a snow globe. The deer passed peacefully past our windows or across the lake. Liliana learned to skate and her beautiful red cheeks after hours of skating each day thrilled me! Joe took several intentional days off of work, and Judah got to spend hours each day with his idol, doing "manly" things all day long until he just couldn't keep his eyes open. It was beautiful to watch. I never want to forget this Christmas. 

Christmas morning, baby boy in utero 22 weeks

All he wanted for Christmas this year was a penny whistle and a microphone. St. Nicholas delivered on both!

Christmas Eve excitement. Carrots for the reindeer and cookies with milk for Santa.

Christmas morning visitors, they could sense that this day was special among days!

Playing "hockey". Judah's face here as he plays with his daddy just melts me

Sweet rose-bud lipped cousin Sophia Rose. 

Her first day on the ice! by day 3 she was doing unassisted laps. Such a determined little girl!

Checking on the ice fishing rods. Joe is patient and devoted among fathers, he will spend all day exploring the natural world with his children and teaching them new skills

All of a sudden so slender and so grown up!

Judah and Grandad shoveling the ice, what a special memory!

I pray that your Christmas was joy-filled in it's own beautiful way!

30: Hopes and Dreams

Hopes and dreams. Is it not woven into the fabric of every human heart to dream? Is it not part of our human existence to be restless? In the weeks and months leading up to 30 a curious thing happened, which is that all of my more superficial hopes and dreams (travel, fitness, family) became rolled up into one neat little package. As I looked at my life and how it was speeding by, as I examined my tendency to melancholy, as I witnessed tragedy in the life of many near and far, it became clear to me that for all the list making I may do nothing is certain. And so, while it is good to have those dreams and lists, my deep hope for 30 became a dream of being. 

A happy family moment of being last month in Canmore
Oh, how she loves him! How he loves her!

My dream for 30 is to live each moment with a pervasive sense of gratitude, understanding that the joy I so desire is tightly bound to seeing the world with eyes of thanksgiving. My fear of time passing is abolished when I seek to make each moment pregnant with a grateful heart. Mysteriously, the moment pauses and hangs there to be revelled in when it is acknowledged with intentionality. I dream that my own grateful heart can only do one thing, which is point me to the Giver of the gift. May my life in 30 be more and more one in which the Giver is centre of all else.

How can one not contemplate the Giver of such a gift
(in and out of the chariot!).

These ideas have come from two books that I've been reading. Seeking First the Kingdom and One Thousand Gifts couldn't have come at a better time. I highly recommend them both, but for a general audience especially One Thousand Gifts. It is a life changing meditation on the healing power of gratitude.

I wanted to quote One Thousand Gifts to close this simple post. Ann Voskamp's eloquent words about overcoming the fear of time's fleeting nature by holding onto each moment with thanks are a perfect way to start today.

I don't really want more time. I just want enough time. Time to breath deep and time to see real and time to laugh long, time to give You glory and rest deep and sing joy and just enough time in a day not to feel hounded, pressed, driven, or wild to get it all done - yesterday.... 

Time is a relentless river. It rages on, a respecter of no one. And this, this is the only way to slow time. When I fully enter time's swift current, enter into the current moment with the weight of all my attention, I slow the torrent with the weight of me all there. I can slow the torrent by being all here. I only live the full life when I live fully in the moment. And when I'm always looking for the next glimpse of glory, I slow and enter. And time slows. Weigh down this moment in time with attention full, and the whole of time's river slows, slows, slows... 

Giving thanks for one thousand things is ultimately an invitation to slow time down with the weight of full attention. In this space of time and sphere I am attentive, aware, accepting the whole of the moment, weighing it down with me all here....Really? Give thanks and get time? Give thanks....slow time down with all of your attention - and your basket of not-enough-time multiplies into more than enough time... 

The real problem of life is never a lack of time. The real problem of life- in my life - is lack of thanksgiving. I am a mother-tired, but when my soul doth magnify, my time doth magnify....I redeem time from neglect and apathy and inattentiveness when I swell with thanks and weigh the moment down and it's giving thanks to God for this moment that multiplies the moments, time made enough. - Ann Voskamp One Thousand Gifts

Stay moment, stay!

May your Sunday be filled with joy!

With love,

Enough

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.' I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9

We have had an interesting first four years of marriage. Jetting off to Australia with 5000 dollars cash to our name and a hotel for 5 days, a daughter born there, a return to Canada only to live in my parent's basement as Joe waited for status, working for a start up company...by no means are we the poster family for "be established and secure before getting married and starting a family."

For sure throughout the course of our marriage I have often wondered "will there be enough?". On its most basic level this has had to do with enough money to get by. However, as a wife and mother I often ask the same question with regards to time, energy, patience, LOVE. "Will there be enough?"

It has been astounding to me that, if we are doing our utmost to love always and do the right thing, the answer is always YES. The most startling thing about our life, as I look back over these years, is that if we dare to love greatly, BEYOND OUR MEANS, we are never left wanting.

In Australia, soon after moving there and yet feeling called to be open to a new life in the midst of all, we found ourselves expecting a baby and wondering what the next step was. I wondered, have we risked too much? Was our openness reckless? Do we have enough to get by? Within weeks we had been given a gorgeous granny-flat for next to no rent in one of the most desirable locations. Of course, we still had to work hard to make ends meet but we were so secure and cared for. Not only this, but my prenatal care was entirely covered by the Australian government. We experienced incredible midwife care and a birth centre birth. There was far more than enough, there was an abundance.

For most of our married life we've had very little as far as savings and income goes. There have been a few moments where I felt legitimate fear over how to make our next grocery shop happen and started sorting through our belongings to sell those things that we don't need (a very healthy exercise by the way!). Oftentimes in those moments we have also felt called to certain acts of simple generosity; whether it be hosting friends for dinner, providing a meal for someone sick or in need, buying a gift, travelling to see family because we knew how much it would mean to them, or lending money to someone who could not get by without. Sometimes we've wondered, in retrospect, whether these decisions were most prudent. Without question, each time we have acted in generosity beyond our means, we have somehow come upon money or groceries in abundance.

This blog post is not an ad for reckless spending or imprudent lending, but it is a reflection on our efforts to live abundantly in generous love. I can so easily apply these lessons to how I love my husband and how we love our children. SO many days I wake exhausted and wondering where the energy will come from to love deeply, to read, sing, play, dance....and then to do all of the normal things like cook, clean, bathe, or I don't know, think? Those days where I ruminate and pity my self are the days where the energy is limited and the patience seems short. Those days where I dig deep and seek abundant living are the days where there is enough! 

With this comes the important and humbling realization that I am weak and I need grace to be the wife, mother, and friend I am called to be. On my own, I really can't do it, but if I forge ahead with love, Love Himself will make much out of my little.

I have experienced this lesson over and over, and yet still I doubt. Still there are days where fear and anxiety propel me, consequently restricting my ability to love those around me with generosity and selflessness. Yet on those days when hope, peace, and TRUST motivate me, when I accept that alone I can do nothing, when I place my trust in a good God who supplies my every need and calms my every fear, those are the days when there is enough.

Onwards and upwards, right little Judah?
There is certainly enough cuteness to go around these days!!

xoxo

Love, Marriage, and Other Light Musings....

Our beautiful Eve was married two weeks ago tomorrow! I can't believe how quickly the time has gone since her wedding. Of course, as my usual absent minded self I took one photo that day (of the bride and groom with the flower girls), and neglected to get a family photo or even one of my handsome men in their three piece suits! Hopefully there'll be some in the professional photos.

I find Catholic weddings to be truly breathtaking. Aware that the bride and groom have been waiting and longing for the day when they can be sacramentally and physically forever bound to their beloved....well, it just brings tears to my eyes. The joy is tangible, it is as though you could reach out and touch it. I am sure many people feel as though they want to capture some of that joy and bring it home with them.

Of course, being my melancholy self, I couldn't help but feel nostalgic for our wedding day almost 4 years ago. The tangible joy, the innocent anticipation, the dreams and hopes for a life together....on that day my heart was so full.

And yet...when I examine this beautiful life that I've been blessed with I can say that I've experienced deeper and more real heart bursting joy than I could have ever imagined I would on that day. Perhaps it is quieter, with the realities of life's ups and downs, this joy that I know now. I would never call it less. In its own quiet way it has made my heart expand and expand to hold this joy that almost overflows as it keeps being replenished.

I remember when I was writing my senior thesis on marital love I read in one of Dietrich Von Hildebrand's books that falling in love is (divinely) programmed to come to an end so that selfless love can begin to take over. At the time it didn't make sense to me. Now it does.

Life is just not conducive to "falling in love" as a permanent state of being. Every day realities make it so that we feel tired, touched-out, emotional, anxious....and then it is in those moments when we chose to love and care for our spouse ahead of moping and griping that love becomes a CHOICE and we grow in selflessness. Mysteriously and beautifully, when we choose love for our spouse (and children!) ahead of love for ourselves the marriage becomes stronger, the love and desire becomes more passionate, the ability to withstand whatever storms may rock it is tested and proven for greater storms to come. We individually become better version of ourselves but then, consequently, our marriage grows more and more into that Trinitarian love of which it is a model.

It has been a difficult year for us....soul-searching as far as jobs are concerned, a baby with a very sore tummy, penny-counting, severe baby blues for mama, a long, cold winter. Yes, so many in the world suffer so much more than we do...but at the same time I find it helpful to acknowledge our suffering and to put it in its place. However, I am amazed at the fact that when I look at my dearest husband I am consumed with love for him that I can't even find words for. Yes, 4 years ago on our wedding I was overflowing with feelings of happiness and love. But beautifully I never could have anticipated how much I love him now. Not only this but I never could have anticipated how he would help me grow, challenging me every day to be better than I was the day before.

On my 29th birthday....a beautiful sunny day and such fun together!

I am so happy for Eve and Sean, that they have a lifetime together of experiencing such deep joy and such intense love.

Mt.Tabor and Mt. Calvary

"We need to desire Mt Calvary as much as Mt Tabor. Only then will this hardest of all lessons - that earth isn't heaven and never will be, that the path to abundant meaning and happiness passes through a daily cross, that unless we are willing to sacrifice our personal preferences and worldly desires we will never reach the goal for which we were created - only then will this lesson be able to seep down into our hearts and spread into every corner of our minds." - The Better Part # 181

Dearest Ones, here I am on this lovely Thursday! Our sweet little one is playing on the floor beside me while Joe gets ready to head off for a business call. I'm so lucky!

(OK, I'm posting this 6 days later...'sigh'!)

We are doing very well here in the Packard household, the most interesting development lately being a clear emergence of strong willfulness on the part of our growing bambino. Manifestation? A piercing shriek whenever mama or daddy try to take away anything the miniature person has gotten her hands on. Oh yes, a shriek and a serious wrestling match. I smile and shake my head. I knew it was coming.

Our sweet little person and her mardi gras feather hat...Shrove Tuesday!

Anyhow, why the above quote? Well, because it is the much anticipated season of Lent for us Catholics. Ahhh Lent :) Boy do I need it this year!

I have been excited about Lent for a long time, have you?

I'm amazed (although I shouldn't be), at the omniscience of our great God. He is the ultimate psychologist. He knows that we want to achieve the beauty of heaven on Mt Tabor yet would like to take the fast track and skip the suffering of Mt Calvary. Sad things is, it takes harder work than we like to think to be ready for our heavenly home. This is because life is beautiful and it is so easy to forget that earth is not heaven and we were only made to pass through! Or, on the flip side we are so mired in suffering that we lose our ability to hope for something better or find meaning in our toils. So, here is Lent, and we have the opportunity to remember our Lord's sacrifice on calvary while working to shed those attachments that make us not quite ready to experience the beatific vision.

Anyhow, I struggle in both regards...so captivated by the beauty of our new life that I can't fathom ever leaving this world and its mystery behind, but so mired in the day to day struggles that I forget to seek out meaning and hope. Thus, here I am, at the beginning of these 40 days, with my arms outstretched and a hopeful heart...praying that I can reorient my life to it's Rock and Foundation, and maybe curb the sugar addiction while I'm at it :)

And in these moments where I have a sugar withdrawal headache or it seems too hard to "fit in" mass and frequent prayer time, I just need to remember that our Lord knows what it is to suffer. He showed us the way, he imbued meaning into the mundane through becoming Man.

Love and prayers for you all, near or far away. We will write again soon, we pray for you every day!

XOXO

When a Man is Loved

Our DEAR ONES, near and far, how we love and miss you! We are all doing very well here in our little basement home, especially now that the -30 has passed. Joe behaved like a true Canadian yesterday when he went for a long walk in -4 degree weather because it felt so "warm" out!

Thoughts for today...

I am blessed with beautiful friends, the kind of friends who challenge me to love more deeply and with a constant eye to avoiding complacency or apathy in my expectations of self.

Thank you my wonderful friends!

The other day we had a long and engaging conversation about our husbands. Oh dear! BUT, get this, it was not to complain about this, that, or the other thing. Of course, men and women are so very different and I assume we all could have brought "complaints" to the table. Instead, it was to marvel at how good our men are, and to mourn the ways in which we so often fall short of loving them...when we nag or belittle them. It made me really reflect...how exactly are we as women to love the hearts we have been entrusted with in our men? Especially in this confusing world, this crazy world...where our good and faithful husbands are beset with so many challenges to their masculinity and fidelity?

Our Superhero...trekked through

the jungle to find perfect leaves to

shelter us from the storm :)

One wonderful lady led me to this bible verse in which St. Peter encourages women to point their men to higher things through their loveliness, gentleness, and beauty of spirit (among other things). Of course, he also encourages wives to obey their husbands. Some may take offence at that suggestion, but I don't think he was asking us to see ourselves as inferior to our husbands. Instead, he was suggesting just how we may encourage them to become the "best version of themselves." (As our dear friend Matthew Kelly would say!).

My Joe is an incredible man, but he is even MORE heroic when he knows that I am proud of him - that he is my prince, my knight, and that I need him. It is as though, when I offer myself to him to be taken care of, his chest puffs out, his shoulders go back, and he feels as though can conquer the world!

Now, this is not saying that I'm not perfectly capable of taking care of myself. As a matter of fact, sometimes it takes patience for me to let my husband do his thing instead of just taking the reigns and being bossy :) However, the amazing flip side of this whole deal is that when I make the effort to nudge my husband towards the greatness he is capable of through my femininity and gentle love, he is MORE romantic, MORE thoughtful, and MORE generous, than ever before.

I experience that it is ok to not be superwoman, I can allow myself to be loved, and most often I end up being spoiled! I am aware of total equality with my husband through our complementarity in our family. We both grow in virtue, and hopefully closer towards our eternal home.

I know this is radical to some, if not most. It certainly is not the message us women are given today about how to behave towards our men, and is probably worth a book...not a measly blog. Maybe, just maybe it is food for thought? What do you all think?

Love from the great frozen North!

XOXO

How can I love You even more than this?

Dearest ones, how are you today? You are going to have to excuse me for being cheesy and romantic. I just can't help it, maybe a little bit of pregnancy hormones, but I think more than anything you can blame my cheese on my ever growing gratitude for my dearest hubby.

The other day during class break I was having a discussion with my professor about the new trend, transhumanism, which professes the aim to make immortality possible for those who are genetically perfect (which they propose to do through eugenic manipulation). Someone asked, have they thought about what it means to never die? About how meaningless life would become when it just stretched on and on?  I agree, I can’t imagine knowing that this life would last forever, it would be so....bleak?

However, there is one reason why I can’t fathom physical death…and that is the immense love I have for my husband. We’ve only been married ten months and yet some nights I lie in bed unable to sleep because I can’t stand the thought of being separated from him eventually. It is the one reason getting older and the passage of time is so frightening to me! He is everything to me!! I truly ache for him when we've been apart half a day...he is my dearest beloved and my best friend. When I expressed this to my professor he only smiled, and told me that my love would only grow, that my spouse would only become more important to me, and my anticipation of one day being separated from him would become more and more painful! I can’t imagine!!!! Dr. Cooper said that he knows the death of his wife (if she dies before him) will be the certain death of a part of himself. Bernard, a class mate, said the same…that his attachment to his wife is only more intense than it has ever been (they’ve been married 30 years or so!). 

Anyhow, my heart gets tight in my chest when I think about how I love my husband. It is almost painful to love someone so much, yet he and our love is most sublime gift my life has brought to me. I know that many of you feel that way, and yet it is one of those things that simply can’t be described until it is experienced. Oh if only I could live forever only so I could love my Joe forever! I suppose that is reason in itself to love him as deeply, fully, and selflessly every day, so that I can never look back and wish I’d used the gift of time better. Speaking of looking back, I’ve been looking at old pics lately, so I thought I’d put some up from the very beginning of our relationship!

When I cheered on the baseball and not the basketball bleachers :) Such a handsome baseball player he is!

The first time Joe joined our family in Hawaii...such fun hiking!

The very first picture ever taken of us...at our friend Zac's birthday at the good old "Sugar Shack" in Dallas!



Cheering for the Mavs during playoffs....too bad they weren't doing as well then as they are now! Look at that Handsome shaved head....

'SIGH'

Oh a completely different note, the spiders have gone away with the cold but I may be scarred for life because today there was a cockroach that crawled into my hot chocolate while I wasn’t looking. It took a while for me to recover from that scare! He is now down the toilette, followed by lots of bleach so he doesn’t come back up and surprise one of us. Ewwww!

That’s all for today, dear loved ones…just the musings of a deeply in love wife, and a deeply grateful lady.  We miss you, of course! I know I say that every time I write but it is SO TRUE.  Long distance hugs from Melbourne to all of you, please know that we hold you close in our prayers.

xoxo

Blessed Are We!

Dearest Ones,

The days are just flying by and I'm sorry that I've been sooo slack on updating our blog! I'm not sure if many of you saw the blog before this, with little tidbits from our life, but needless to say we've been busy and, as usual, so very peace and joy-filled!

I want to take a moment to reflect on just how blessed we are to, at this point in our lives, have so very little. No, I am not in ANY way looking for pity,  and we are in NO way destitute, but I simply can't help but share how amazing life can be when pennies are being counted. I know many of you know that we've had trouble finding Joe a fulltime job, and with the cost of living here in Australia times have been tight. 5 months ago I had terror in my heart at the thought of being "poor." I was so influenced by all the messages we receive that tell us we simply can't be happy without things and money. I wondered if we had been stupid in our openness to concieving a baby in the midst of all of the uncertainty...and I had moments of doubting whether, in fact, God would provide! I have learned a most valuable and life-long lesson. I never knew how amazing the 2.50 hotdog deal at costco actually tasted until it became our date. I never knew the utter joy of a new pair of socks to workout in, nor the feeling of victory in stretching a very small food budget to feed a very big man! I never knew how much I could come to treasure just "being" instead of "having." I never anticipated how easy it would be to live without my guilty pleasures like magazines and chewing gum. I simply never foresaw the heroic love of my husband in providing for my family and sacrificing his favorite things (like scotch!). I never knew that my best friend in the world could become even more dear to my heart when he is the only thing I have to hold onto. I had never experienced God's incredible Providence, that somehow whenever we need something, it comes through...whenever I feel desperate a package arrives with some money or a meal arrives at the door. I am so grateful that we have had this struggle, and I hope that I never forget it! We are so blessed.

Joe had an absolutely unbelievable first game last weekend, (maybe giving up the scotch is helping him jump higher!). He started the game with a massive dunk, at which the whole crowd went nuts! He played hard the whole game, almost giving me a heart attack multiple times we landed with a loud thump on the floor. He finally scored an incredible fadeaway threepointer from the far right corner of the court to bring the team within one point of the game. Unfortunately they lost by that one point, but Joe walked off that court a total hero. I was SO PROUD! Our little girl kicked the whole game, I think she didn't know quite what to think of all the noise, and of course she probably felt my heart accelerating like crazy too!!  You can keep up with his stats via this link http://www.sportingpulse.com/team_info.cgi?player=Joe+Packard&action=PSTATS&player_id=192311270&client=0-913-15120-151640-14597519

We have named our wee one, and we just love calling her by name. She is LILIANA JOY PACKARD. Her name is Italian and it means lilies, which is the flower of the Eucharist and a symbol of purity. She will be Lyla for short, as Lily is a very popular name at the moment so we want to stay away from that. We are so happy with her name and every day when I look at her picture I can't help but think how perfectly it suits her!

Well, that is all for now! It is a beautiful feast day of the Annunciation here today, I can't believe that it is 9 months until Christmas!! However, Lent and Easter first! We pray you are having a beautiful spring (for those in North American) and autumn (for those here!). We love you and of course pray for you every day, thank you for blessing our lives with your love! xoxo

Emily and baby Liliana

We are asked to trust: the beauty of Catholic teaching on openness to life.

Whew, are you scared by my title?

I am sitting here at work, doing a temp day for Cheryle (who we are living with), but so grateful for the opportunity to earn a little bit of money! Anyhow, don't worry, I'm not shirking my duties, it is a very quiet day here and so I'm just trying to be productive while I sit here. I'm so proud of my Joe, whose accreditation came through for his personal training, so he is up at the gym learning the rounds. Hopefully he can start next week! It is certainly going to take the strain off, the ability to put a little bit of money in the bank, especially with tuition payments upcoming for me, and because while we are here we really want to be able to explore the country and its surrounding countries!

Anyhow, something has certainly been on my heart lately, and that is the constant possibility of children due to our striving to live faithfully Catholic teaching on openness to life. It isn't easy being open, only because it is so tempting to be fearful and to question just how we could make ends meet if a wee one were to come into the picture. Yet, we are reminded constantly that God's plan is so much bigger than ours, that His will is manifested in our fidelity, and thus we have to know that we'd be ok! It is a grave mission to be called, in marriage, to be living signs of God's Trinitarian love to the world. We are humbled and awed by the gift of such a task. Not only this, but it truly is an expression of permanence, of deep and lasting love, to be open to every facet of my spouse's being.

We are inundated with messages about what marriage should be these days. Marriage should only happen when there is stability, dual incomes, thriving careers, when "life has been lived". But, to me, this IS living..to start with my beloved from nothing and work together towards a unified goal is precisely what marriage should be! I think that it fosters selflessness (ie: Joe has given up energy drinks for our budget and I've given up chewing gum, hehe), a minor example but significant too. Those are not the things we'd have to give up if we followed the world's message for marriage. Yet, where would our joy be then? In each other? I'm not so sure.

Anyhow, I'll close by pasting a little section from my past thesis, a good reminder of marriage and its inextricable link to openness and fruitfulness. Just some food for thought on this Friday morning (in Australia).

"One should not separate children from the aim of marriage, then, because instead of being a separate reality or end, fruitfulness is evidence of the love and unity between the lover and beloved. Love so sublime that the beloved, in the fullness of who they are, is accepted and constantly affirmed by the lover cannot help but manifest itself to the world as superabundance. Children are precisely this. As von Hildebrand says in his essay on Humanae Vitae, “Could we think of anything more beautiful than this connection between the deepest love communion, the ultimate self-donation out of love, and the creation of a new human being?”[1]"

I love you all and I miss you every day! We pray for you, as always,

xoxoxo