Love, Marriage, and Other Light Musings....

Our beautiful Eve was married two weeks ago tomorrow! I can't believe how quickly the time has gone since her wedding. Of course, as my usual absent minded self I took one photo that day (of the bride and groom with the flower girls), and neglected to get a family photo or even one of my handsome men in their three piece suits! Hopefully there'll be some in the professional photos.

I find Catholic weddings to be truly breathtaking. Aware that the bride and groom have been waiting and longing for the day when they can be sacramentally and physically forever bound to their beloved....well, it just brings tears to my eyes. The joy is tangible, it is as though you could reach out and touch it. I am sure many people feel as though they want to capture some of that joy and bring it home with them.

Of course, being my melancholy self, I couldn't help but feel nostalgic for our wedding day almost 4 years ago. The tangible joy, the innocent anticipation, the dreams and hopes for a life together....on that day my heart was so full.

And yet...when I examine this beautiful life that I've been blessed with I can say that I've experienced deeper and more real heart bursting joy than I could have ever imagined I would on that day. Perhaps it is quieter, with the realities of life's ups and downs, this joy that I know now. I would never call it less. In its own quiet way it has made my heart expand and expand to hold this joy that almost overflows as it keeps being replenished.

I remember when I was writing my senior thesis on marital love I read in one of Dietrich Von Hildebrand's books that falling in love is (divinely) programmed to come to an end so that selfless love can begin to take over. At the time it didn't make sense to me. Now it does.

Life is just not conducive to "falling in love" as a permanent state of being. Every day realities make it so that we feel tired, touched-out, emotional, anxious....and then it is in those moments when we chose to love and care for our spouse ahead of moping and griping that love becomes a CHOICE and we grow in selflessness. Mysteriously and beautifully, when we choose love for our spouse (and children!) ahead of love for ourselves the marriage becomes stronger, the love and desire becomes more passionate, the ability to withstand whatever storms may rock it is tested and proven for greater storms to come. We individually become better version of ourselves but then, consequently, our marriage grows more and more into that Trinitarian love of which it is a model.

It has been a difficult year for us....soul-searching as far as jobs are concerned, a baby with a very sore tummy, penny-counting, severe baby blues for mama, a long, cold winter. Yes, so many in the world suffer so much more than we do...but at the same time I find it helpful to acknowledge our suffering and to put it in its place. However, I am amazed at the fact that when I look at my dearest husband I am consumed with love for him that I can't even find words for. Yes, 4 years ago on our wedding I was overflowing with feelings of happiness and love. But beautifully I never could have anticipated how much I love him now. Not only this but I never could have anticipated how he would help me grow, challenging me every day to be better than I was the day before.

On my 29th birthday....a beautiful sunny day and such fun together!

I am so happy for Eve and Sean, that they have a lifetime together of experiencing such deep joy and such intense love.