Gratitude

This friday night as I stand in our kitchen listening to the rain I am so very grateful for...

- My darling husband who works so hard for us. He is currently away in the Yukon Territories filming a promotional video for a fishing lodge. He has recently discovered his great passion (and immense talent!) for photography, videography, and photo/video editing. Tenacious about finding new ways to bring in a little extra income for our family, he picked up this job. The bizarre thing about it is that he is in the wilderness (a 45 minute helicopter ride from civilization!). Radio silence for a week. This has never happened since I've known Joe and OH my heart feels heavy missing him. I love this sweet photo from last week of Liliana asleep on his lap. He is her first love, and she is so secure in his arms...

- The song "What I Wouldn't Do" by Serena Ryder. These days when we get in the car Liliana immediately says, "MOMMY DON'T SING!" Considering the fact that she begs me to sing her to sleep every nap and every night, this is (I hope) less a statement about my singing voice and more about the fact that I've sang this song too many times. However, the words are so powerful to me and resonate deeply in my heart. I love putting it on in the car and singing my heart out to it....to me it speaks of both fighting the good fight with my husband and not letting anything stop me from loving him as I'm called to, while simultaneously reminding me that he has opened my eyes to so much beauty and so much love. It's awesome!

- Sunshine! We've been blessed with some beautiful days of sunshine and the kids and I are taking advantage of it. Our poor home looks slightly neglected but when we wake up and see the sun shining it beckons us outside. I love seeing Liliana and her athletic little self motoring down the side walk on her strider bike, climbing at the park, and most recently jumping in the water at the SPRAY PARK! We've had two super fun outings to the spray park. Summer in Calgary is just glorious because it is not too hot to be outside, instead you can spend all day. Nothing like putting a child to sleep who has spent all day running and playing....instant slumber :)

She has her daddy's springy legs!

Sweet little man absolutely LOVES
splashing in the water!

These days this little one is unstoppable on any
climbing structure

We LOVE Auntie Anna! I captured this sweet candid moment between
Liliana and Auntie Anna today. L so looks up to her Auntie!

- Sibling love. These days Judah's absolute adoration for his big sister is all the more apparent. He literally seeks her constantly and his whole face lights up when he sees her! Whenever she makes happy sounds the most delighted little squeaks come out of Judah, as though he can't get enough of her happiness. It melts my heart and reminds me all the more the gift that siblings are to each other.

"Oh big sister, everything you do is so amazing!"
I love his hand on her leg...he is ALWAYS trying to hold onto her!

- Viber! Have you heard of the free app Viber? It is an awesome way to keep in touch (as long as you have either unlimited date or wifi). Jocelyn is in Spain and Eve has made her married way to Granada, but we've been able to send video, voice, and picture messages effortlessly and regularly through viber. It is AWESOME! (for a stay at home mom I suppose it is the little things that make life awesome, but for me this is one of them)

- Sweet chubby babies. Enough said.

"I'm a little uncertain here, mama!"

"If I smile will you pick me up?"

I am one blessed lady!

Love and prayers as always,

xoxo

Love, Marriage, and Other Light Musings....

Our beautiful Eve was married two weeks ago tomorrow! I can't believe how quickly the time has gone since her wedding. Of course, as my usual absent minded self I took one photo that day (of the bride and groom with the flower girls), and neglected to get a family photo or even one of my handsome men in their three piece suits! Hopefully there'll be some in the professional photos.

I find Catholic weddings to be truly breathtaking. Aware that the bride and groom have been waiting and longing for the day when they can be sacramentally and physically forever bound to their beloved....well, it just brings tears to my eyes. The joy is tangible, it is as though you could reach out and touch it. I am sure many people feel as though they want to capture some of that joy and bring it home with them.

Of course, being my melancholy self, I couldn't help but feel nostalgic for our wedding day almost 4 years ago. The tangible joy, the innocent anticipation, the dreams and hopes for a life together....on that day my heart was so full.

And yet...when I examine this beautiful life that I've been blessed with I can say that I've experienced deeper and more real heart bursting joy than I could have ever imagined I would on that day. Perhaps it is quieter, with the realities of life's ups and downs, this joy that I know now. I would never call it less. In its own quiet way it has made my heart expand and expand to hold this joy that almost overflows as it keeps being replenished.

I remember when I was writing my senior thesis on marital love I read in one of Dietrich Von Hildebrand's books that falling in love is (divinely) programmed to come to an end so that selfless love can begin to take over. At the time it didn't make sense to me. Now it does.

Life is just not conducive to "falling in love" as a permanent state of being. Every day realities make it so that we feel tired, touched-out, emotional, anxious....and then it is in those moments when we chose to love and care for our spouse ahead of moping and griping that love becomes a CHOICE and we grow in selflessness. Mysteriously and beautifully, when we choose love for our spouse (and children!) ahead of love for ourselves the marriage becomes stronger, the love and desire becomes more passionate, the ability to withstand whatever storms may rock it is tested and proven for greater storms to come. We individually become better version of ourselves but then, consequently, our marriage grows more and more into that Trinitarian love of which it is a model.

It has been a difficult year for us....soul-searching as far as jobs are concerned, a baby with a very sore tummy, penny-counting, severe baby blues for mama, a long, cold winter. Yes, so many in the world suffer so much more than we do...but at the same time I find it helpful to acknowledge our suffering and to put it in its place. However, I am amazed at the fact that when I look at my dearest husband I am consumed with love for him that I can't even find words for. Yes, 4 years ago on our wedding I was overflowing with feelings of happiness and love. But beautifully I never could have anticipated how much I love him now. Not only this but I never could have anticipated how he would help me grow, challenging me every day to be better than I was the day before.

On my 29th birthday....a beautiful sunny day and such fun together!

I am so happy for Eve and Sean, that they have a lifetime together of experiencing such deep joy and such intense love.

These Are the Days!

Our sweet, kissable, squeezable little man turned 6 months last week and I've been itching to write a blog commemorating it ever since. Honestly, I shake my head and wonder where the time has gone since he entered this world on that peaceful winter night....all 6 pounds 10 ounces of wonderful wrinkly newborn.

One hour old

At the same time, I know exactly where the days have gone! They go something like this....feed, bounce, play, clean a little, feed, clean myself a little, feed again, bounce, play, cook with baby strapped to chest (and by then it's only 10:30 am!)...and so the day goes on. Oh, and that has been, of course, running a simultaneous course to a similar but more advanced daytime routine with sweet little man's big sister! This whole hands-on motherhood reality is intense! I wouldn't be honest if I didn't admit that I've found many of these first days intensely difficult, in a majority of them I've felt so very down and unsure of my ability to "do this". And yet, these are the days! The moments of joy are SO FULL that my heart might explode....and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

One month old

Two months old

Our Judah is an absolute JOY. After those first few fussy months (and who could blame the poor little guy with his sore tummy and seeming intolerance to caffeine!), he has emerged as the happiest baby on the block. He has become pure BOY....and loves bouncing, banging, throwing, swinging, hanging upside down, EATING, and being being bare naked. He is a little guy who quite literally smiles to everyone who says hello. 

3 months

4 months

Snug as a bug with Mama at 4 months

Judah sleeps well, although of course he likes to nurse very frequently throughout the night but I've come to expect that from my babies and I just don't let it bother me. With teeth coming in or developmental bursts I like being what soothes them. He is a cuddly, tactile little guy who much prefers to be held over anything else...and there are lots of hands eager to snuggle him. 

While it is apparent that his mama is his first love (and I swoon!), he absolutely ADORES his daddy and Liliana. He could watch Liliana play all day and he laughs watching her. He thinks she is so entertaining. My heart is warmed by already observing the gift that siblings are to each other, and the gift that Joe and I have been able to give them IN each other. When Joe walks through the door from work Judah only has eyes for him, as though he is saying hold me hold me hold me! It is so sweet.  I've had the opportunity to go out for a few hours at a time and leave both babies with Joe. Judah takes a bottle of breastmilk so well from his daddy and settles easily. That is a total blessing!

5 months

6 months

6 months old and his first taste of rice cereal

At risk of babbling on and on about the joys of this sweet little boy, I will finish with the important stats. At 6 months old Judah David is 17 pounds flat and 26.5 inches. He is 40th percentile for weight and 88th for height! He can role over both ways, and sit quite well for a short time. His legs are gloriously chunky and he absolutely LOVES using them in his jolly jumper. No teeth yet!

How I love you, darling son. Your presence in our family has been such a gift, even in the challenging days I've been acutely aware that our lives are so much more full of joy because you are in it. I only pray that we can continue to love you and nourish your heart, mind, body and soul in a way that allows you to thrive. Your sweet smile and exuberant affection bring light to all those around you and make my mama's heart oh so full that it overflows. I am humbled to be entrusted with such a gift as your beautiful life. Thank you!