Anyhow, I received a letter from a dear dear friend the other day, which I am going to quote below (without her permission), but we always spoke about blogging together so I'm really hoping she doesn't mind. Anyhow, in the letter she was speaking to me about the struggles of those close to her, all beautiful couples, open to life, who really have encountered major sufferings in their lives. She also spoke, without self pity, about her own struggles and the fact that life's imperfections mean a constant temptation to thinking "things will be better when...". It made me contemplate the fact that we are pilgrims on a journey, that this life is fleeting and we aren't made for it alone. I know CS Lewis speaks of the yearning for heaven that each person experiences and I would venture to say that the struggle to find "home" on this earth is part of that yearning. We seek to find the place that will fulfill us the most but for whatever reason there is always something missing. It is truly a consolation for me, here in Melbourne, and a reason to avoid self-pity at all costs. It is motivation to see the gift that each day is and avoid living for tomorrow when things "will be better." It is inspiration for me to battle for the things that matter most (which are almost always the things we can't see or touch), as opposed to focusing on the material which will only pass away. I am so grateful for my darling friend's providential words that remind me to be content and joyful in the blessings that sorround Joe and I each day here in our new home.
Anyhow, her words are truly beautiful...I am posting them below with names removed and substitutes put in parenthesis:
"Isn't it interesting, and quite amazing that the Lord gives us what we need and takes things away too when we need for them to be taken away?
I may not have family or many friends for that matter nearby to help me, and I have a husband who works quite a bit, and we may be on a tight budget (we only have $73 for the rest of the month for groceries, we shall hope it lasts!) but we do have a home, each other and our health not to mention our faith, and Jesus right next door!!!!
No matter who we are, it is often easy to look at our lives and think, "things will be better when..." and forget that all we get is here and now. We don't have tomorrow yet, and we may not have it at all. I'm sorry I am really not trying to be pessimistic, I'm just quite struck at the goodness of God in our lives today and how to best accept happiness today however it comes to us.
I pray for (all my friends) and I don't feel bad for you all in that I think your lives are more difficult than mine, nor do I think that your lives are easy and you have no reason to struggle. Not at all. I think you all are fine and wonderful people and seeing the blessings and the difficulties that each of you has right now at this point in your lives just makes me think of how God loves you each so very much. From where I stand I can see the good and the bad and I can see how the good and the bad are both good in the grand scheme of things.
And it helps me to see that the seemingly bad in my life today is also good in the great scheme of things. It makes me rejoice in the suffering of not having a grandma to play with (my little girl) when I am soooo tired because I can't sleep well and can't nap and don't get enough rest at this late in the pregnancy. It makes me rejoice in the suffering of having hormonal imbalances that can be so emotionally painful and that come with holding life so close. It makes be rejoice in the suffering of not having so many of my dear friends closer. It makes me rejoice in the suffering of not being able to buy what we want to eat because we have to literally count our pennies when we go to the store and buy only the necessary items. It makes me rejoice in my wonderful husband being gone so much because this and all other sufferings, of mine and of others, are producing a fruit so much greater than any of us can see or imagine. The glory to be revealed in us is far greater than the sufferings of the present, as St Paul says. And we believe it and we live it in our lives! To see that God really does work everything for the good of those who love Him. It is so beautiful and so profound and it only strikes us at some times in our lives. I suffer and I rejoice with my dear friends, because I see that their sufferings are temporary and they are not without great rewards. These sufferings of (all of us families) are not in vain!!!
Truly things may be better or worse at different times in our lives, but it will not be perfect until Heaven. I may live close to my dear in-laws at some point, but I will never live in a perfect country community next to you, (all my dear friends), my parents and sisters and my in laws in the mountains, at the farm and Brazil! That all right there is perfectly impossible!!! I will always miss Brazil and Brazilian things, or if I were to move there, I'd miss the Farm and American things, and of course, by living at the beautiful farm I don't get Jesus in the Eucharist within walking distance, or the mountains which I love so much, and to be sure, it is just about impossible for you and everyone else we love to want to move to a little commune somewhere perfect, like Montana (though the we and the Packards may live close in Montana someday, we won't get everything else wonderful, like Brazil and the farm!) Alas, this life in imperfect. But it is not meaningless or unhappy. It is very happy. And the sufferings and imperfections make us long for the perfect and they will take us there some day.
Sorry this is so long, and I hope it somewhat makes sense. I love you, and with all my heart I pray for you and Joe. And I am truly so grateful for your friendship and witness, and I am very proud of both of you and of knowing you.
And I am grateful for your openness to life. I truly believe that people may regret not being open to life in hindsight, but I doubt anyone can regret being open to life in hindsight! I am not praying for you to get pregnant, though I have no doubt that would be a most amazing blessing for you two. I am praying for God's timing, because His timing is perfect. I can attest to how God does provide and He send us little blessings in the womb with much provisions! It is miraculous and beautiful. So, no fear!
God is leading you!"
I really can't add anything to my sweet and wonderful friend's beautiful words. I share them because I think she has insights for all of us to glean, and I couldn't just keep them to myself. I am the most blessed friend to have the witness and encouragement of a dear friend such as this.
I will post an update on our progress later, for now this is the most important thing.
We love you and we pray for you!
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