I Don't Want to Forget

The hot summer days have been replaced by warm autumn ones. There is that definite smell in the air of crisp leaves and freshness. The mornings are slightly nippy, but by afternoon we have peeled our layers and opened our windows to let in the life-giving fall breeze. It is beautiful. If only it wasn't a premonition of the cold, long winter to come....although here in the Packard household we have been focusing on gratitude for each and every moment. Soak it up, breath thanks, find the silver lining....

Breath - a moment of peace in our beautiful mountains

Gratitude - a moment of joy with my prince
(Shari+Mike Photographers)

There are so many things I don't want to forget about these days. Some call them the tunnel years, and I get that. Two little beings so needy. All of my waking moments are consumed by one or the other legitimately needing me, and if not then simply trying to keep the house, make a little extra money, or find some time for lovin' my man. Joe's days are consumed with trying to provide and then the three of us who adore him. The days are so exhaustingly long and yet the weeks speed by. I dream about a time when I feel more rested, and yet I ache that my babes grow so quickly and I can't seem to stop greedy old time.  We are confronted with the ever present conundrum in which the urgent attempts to usurp our attention from the most important....so very many lessons to learn!

I don't want to forget how uncertain we are about what our future looks like. We wonder about Joe's career, where we will live, how to discipline/feed/school our children, how we will survive the hard times, how we will embrace the good, how gracefully we will age. All of these uncertainties weigh on me, but I don't want to wish them away. I want to remember these moments as gifts. I know that one day not too far away we will be sitting there together and we will know what our future looked like because it will be in our past. We will wish the moments hadn't gone so quickly, we will remember fondly, we will smile over our angst.

Precious moments!

I don't want to forget how funny Liliana is right now. Just the other day, buying new shoes for her (rapidlly!!) growing self, she introduced herself to a little boy, "Hi, I'm Liliana, I have high arches," (then she blushed and looked down). She is so tenacious, very stubborn. Transitioning from a stryder bike to a regular bike she was so determined to get it that she rode and rode until her poor bottom was raw. She quite literally couldn't sit comfortably for days, causing much drama for all of us! In the moment it was so bothersome, in retrospect it is such a testament to her drive.

Our spunky, quirky little love on a bug hunt!

Liliana has an imaginary friend named Alla. Everything that Liliana does Alla does too. It is HILARIOUS to request that L ask A something, because she quite literally turns to empty air next to her and states the question. She then reports back to us with the answer. How we want to laugh, but don't! Recently she came tiptoeing in to where I was settling Judah, almost naked and with marker all over her arms and legs. "Mommy, I don't know what happened but you better talk to Alla, I was just busy in my kitchen and she drew all over me!" Oh Liliana, you melt my heart, my wispy haired, gap-toothed darling 3 year old, caught between neediness and independence. How I love that I get to spend my days with you!

Thrilled to be a flower girl
(Shari+Mike Photographers)

I don't want to forget how much Judah adores me. He spends his days torn between determination to be down on the ground moving around, and in my arms. If I disappear for 3 seconds he has a slight case of panic. If he can just be on the ground next to me, touching my leg, he will be ok for a few minutes. At night he is determined to be touching my skin, and rolls in his sleep until he finds me. Our few first attempts at teaching him to sleep on his own were disrupted by the flu, but it is time again! We both have dark circles! To be so adored is simultaneously so wonderful and so exhausting.

(Shari+Mike Photographers)

(Shari+Mike Photographers)

I want to remember how it feels crawling into bed at night, more exhausted than words can say. Sometimes we gripe about how tired we are and then I say, "well we could be bored." Oftentimes after the children are down Joe and I are too tired to even talk, but we'll sit on our carpet in the living room sipping a glass of red wine, and then head to bed. We don't have to say anything, we just ARE. It is a gift, and undoubtedly one of the best moments of the day. I don't want to forget.

Being super-husband and super-dad to us three MUST be exhausting :)

My darling sister Eve just shared her wedding photos with us all. She included this beautiful quote, which resonated so deeply in my soul because as we strive (and fall) and strive again to live holy lives and keep our eyes on eternity, I couldn't feel more blessed to be walking this journey with Joe.

"I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and I prefer you to my life itself. For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us. I place your love above all things, and nothing would be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you." St. John Chrysostom

xoxo