A quick update!!

Dearest Ones,

It is 8:30 am, I write with a steaming cup of coffee and a sweet baby down for her first nap. I can't believe that my last post was just after she was born, recounting all of the intensity of her beautiful birthday. So much has happened! I have so many reflections in my heart...about parenthood, marriage, life. However, before I move onto those I think I'd simply better update everyone on where we are and what we are doing!

This is the determined side of our little person!

First of all, little Liliana is almost 12 weeks old. I can't even describe the intensity of having your heart literally moving and breathing outside of you. She is so beautiful and peaceful, yet entirely stubborn and determined at the same time. She has traveled well, but I am so grateful to finally be settled somewhere, so she can find a  a sense of security and some sort of regularity. I will write more about her and the adventure of parenthood in our next blog.


 ...two days later...life is different with a babe!!!


Yes, we have settled! After over one full day of travel from Australia (in which the wee one was a perfect angel), 3 happy weeks in Texas, we are here in Calgary. The weather is crisp and autumn like, but the sun has been shining every day and so we feel blessed. Joe is consumed with daily terror over the cold weather, even though we already went out and invested in some warm gear. He is CONVINCED that he will soon be a  popsicle and nothing will save him :)

A family photo in BEAUTIFUL Canmore!

We are praying and hoping for Joe's immigration to come through soon so that he can find employment. Meanwhile, he is going slightly crazy feeling like he has too little to do, and I am going slightly crazy knowing my Love is slowly losing it :) (slight exaggeration but not really!!) We trust though, that we are in the right place, and as many times as we re-evaluate the decision we made to move here, we feel peaceful that it was the right one.

Anyhow, I'm going to leave it at that so I can write about the nitty gritty of life and love. We will update as soon as we have any new developments!  Thank you for your love and prayers, and for supporting us as we made the move across the world. We miss you all, we love you dearly, and we pray for you every day!!!!


XOXO,

Reflections on Liliana's Birthday

Hello Dear Ones!!! 

In the blog before this I recounted the day that Liliana was born. I just want to offer a few reflections on birth, her birthday in particular, and the hypnobabies methodology I learned for birthing. It is probably helpful for you to read the birth story first before reading this one!!! 

http://packardjoeandem.blogspot.com/2011/08/liliana-joys-birth-story.html

FIVE things:

Firstly, the last 3 or so weeks of my pregnancy I’d visualized my birth and in it I awoke with pressure waves early in the morning so that I could labor in the quiet and dark for a while, arrived at the birth center 7 or 8 centimeters dilated, and had our baby before 8 pm. In real life, I awoke at 5:00 am with pressure waves, labored at home for ten hours, arriving at the birth center only three hours before our baby was born. I never had a single internal exam because I progressed so steadily and our baby was right there when my body started pushing. I only pushed for 45 minutes. By 8 pm I had birthed our beautiful baby and was enjoying a glass of champagne! It was simply incredible. The human mind is so beautiful and so powerfully equipped to do amazing things. I think that women need to have more confidence in their ability to achieve beautiful, peaceful births.

Secondly: I took the posterior challenge (the challenge to ensure Liliana was in a perfect position to be born) very seriously and spent weeks ensuring that our little one was anterior. Posterior babies often result in long labors and lots of back pain. This challenge meant hardly ever leaning back in a comfy chair and lots of hands and knees time but it was SO WORTH IT! I HIGHLY recommend this. Check out www.spinningbabies.com for more information :)

Thirdly, even though I didn’t use the hypnobabies tools like I’d expected I would (didn’t use the finger drop and quickly lost interest in the recordings as I started concentrating more), the biggest thing hypnobabies gave me was the mental conditioning to allow my body to do what it knew how to do and to be unafraid. Moreover, it taught me how to relax so effectively, and direct that relaxation through breathing, that I almost didn’t need to actively use the tools as it came naturally to me after so many months of practice. I fully believe that my body worked so efficiently because I knew how to take my mind out of the process and surrender control through relaxation.

Fourthly: I was waiting for the moment where I'd think that I needed pain relief or that I couldn't cope. But, it never came! I was so well equipped with other methods of relaxing, and I so thoroughly believed that my body was capable of doing what it needed to, that I never felt like I needed intervention.This is not to say that all intervention is bad, I just want to say that an intervention free birth is totally possible and need not be traumatizing!

Finally, I had the BEST birth team ever and I hope every woman is as lucky as me to be surrounded by such a team. My husband was my primary support, and he was supported by my mom and my little sister Anna. I felt cherished, treasured, and safe the entire time. I think this helped me to never panic or feel out of control. Consequently, experiencing birth was not scary for my 9 year old sister. We often offered to her the option to leave the room if it was too much. However, she never felt the need to! Society has gone away from birth and death being something that isn't scary, that is natural, and a family event. However, I don't think we need to view these things as scary, and it gives me so much joy that now my little sister has been able to witness the miracle of childbirth and the utter joy of welcoming a new baby into the world.

 I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect birthday for our sweet Liliana!!!

Oh how we love you, Liliana JOY!

PS: stay tuned, because Joe is going to write his version of Liliana's birthday soon :) 

Love from the land of Oz, XOXO

Liliana Joy's Birth Story!

The Birth Story of Liliana Joy Packard - July 31, 2011

NOTE: Hypnobabies (the birth prep I used) terminology is used in this story thus pressure waves=contraction, birthing time=labor. I also make reference to the finger drop which is a technique to instantly relax, and to several hypnobabies recordings. If you have any questions please ask! 


***This birth story is not graphic but it is detailed***

Well I should begin by saying that due to the fact that my mom had all of her (6) children at least one-two weeks overdue, I was assuming that this my first baby would be as overdue! Thus, despite being very close to my guess date I had no anxiety about wanting our little one to hurry up and be born, but instead was finding it quite easy to be “lovingly patient” as I had heard every day on the hypnobabies tracks! My husband and I live in Australia, despite being from Canada/USA and thus were super excited to welcome my mom and little sister to Melbourne when I was 39 weeks 3 days. On the night of 39 weeks 5 days, we went to one of my husband’s basketball games which was very intense. I was experiencing super strong braxton hicks throughout the game, but attributed it to the intensity of the game! I had been having lots of braxton hicks anyhow since about 36 weeks, and so thought nothing of it.

I woke up at 5:00 am on the dot the next day with pressure waves that felt slightly different to the braxton hicks, as they wrapped around my back. Immediately upon awakening I knew that I wouldn’t be able to sleep through these ones, so I told my husband that I couldn’t sleep and was going to have a cup of tea (I didn’t want to raise a false alarm!). I got up and lay on my left side on the couch with my tea. I read through some birth stories and watched my favorite birth videos on YouTube. I also talked to our little girl and told her that if she wanted to be born today it was ok, that she was very safe and we were going to be a good team. I started to time the pressure waves and they were 5-8 minutes apart and lasting 30-45 seconds.  I practiced my finger drop, as well as listened to the deepening hypnosis CD and the hypnotic childbirth 1 and 2 CDs. This continued until about 8:30. During that time I also had a shower, and watched the most gorgeous sunrise reveal a beautiful clear blue sky. I knew it was a perfect day for a birthday!

I woke up my husband at 8:30, telling him that he probably wasn’t playing his final basketball game that day, because we might be meeting our baby. Then I told him to keep sleeping as I was doing fine :) A few minutes later he emerged, commenting that it was a little hard to go back to sleep after something like that! We called my mom and told her that my husband would come get her and my little sister, but of course not to get their hopes up; it might not be the real thing! However, at this point I preferred to move through my pressure waves and was listening to the birthing day affirmations, switching with easy first stage, pressure waves were staying consistent and some were lasting up to 55 seconds.

At about 10:00 I started to make brownies to bring to our midwives but I never got to frosting them because I quickly lost all interest in my brownie project and really could care less!

Things continued like this until 3:00 pm. Pressure waves got longer and more intense. Never at any point did they feel unmanageable, and I felt totally peaceful and safe. My dearest husband was just THERE for anything. I was very active, moving from the fit ball, to all fours, to swaying in his arms, to standing and rocking. By about 12:30 I wasn’t playing hypnobabies tracks because I preferred the silence. Also, surprisingly I didn’t use my finger drop technique even though I had assumed I’d love it, because I preferred to be active through pressure waves. I had placed myself in center very early in the day though. It seemed like no time at all until my pressure waves were consistently 3 minutes apart and lasting 1 minute, and I think it was at this point that I started sighing through them very lightly. We decided to call the birth center and give them a heads up that we may be in within the next hour or so, and they were shocked by how calm both my husband and I were considering how close together the pressure waves were!

Things started changing. I was feeling a lot of pressure and I was also starting to feel tired. We decided I’d try lying on my side while my husband got together our last minute things. Lying down didn’t feel very good, and the pressure was continuing. So, we decided to go, it was close to 3:00 pm. I felt totally calm, and while intense the pressure waves felt totally manageable, and I think it was because I was so trusting of my body’s ability to do what it knew how to do. I felt no concern to evaluate what I was experiencing, or control it. Also, I found myself smiling after every wave, I felt so hopeful!

Even though we live a 5 minute drive from the hospital I had a pressure wave in the car and another in the parking lot! Amazingly, we were still calm entering the birth center and the midwives seemed surprised. They have a policy of not checking progress for a while, so I didn’t need to worry about that, and they just got us settled into a room. Things get a little fuzzy here. I was still totally active: standing, on the ball, or on all fours. I felt immense pressure and kept trying to go the bathroom. You would have thought I’d figure out there was nothing there!  I remember feeling that this wasn’t really very fun anymore and that I was very tired. Later my mom told me that she knew things were getting serious, as pressure waves were about 2 minutes apart and 90 seconds long. I hadn’t stopped moving the entire birthing time, so my husband and mom strongly encouraged me to lie down. Laying there on my left side I went through what I now know was transformation. I was shaking almost uncontrollably; my husband was using the peace cue and stroking my head lightly while my mom was applying a gloriously warm rice pack to my back. I counted backwards from ten in my head over and over, as well as visualized myself in a boat with no oars riding the waves up and down. I was still only lightly sighing through the pressure waves and felt calm.

All of a sudden I had huge amounts of rest time in between the pressure waves. I just kept my eyes closed and enjoyed my husband stroking my head and my mom rubbing my back. A little while later there was this “oh my goodness” physical push that had nothing to do with my mind and everything to do with my body just doing its thing. That involuntarily pushing continued for 3 more pressure waves, and when the midwife finally arrived, my water burst with what felt like a tremendous force. She quickly scurried out of the room to get the warm things for the baby (EXCLAMATION POINTS WENT OFF IN MY HEAD WHEN I HEARD THAT!), and when she came back asked if I’d like to move to a different position. We moved me to a kneeling position, leaning over the back of the bed. I will admit, at this point I felt a little panicky…and I expressed verbally that I felt frightened. I think saying it out loud allowed me to address that I felt afraid and then perhaps move forward from the fear. I was consistently reminding myself that the more relaxed I remained the easier it would be for my body to work. I was amazed how easy it was to convince myself to relax.

Pushing was not hard for me at all, in the sense that it came very naturally to me and my body was working so powerfully. Also, I had so effectively breathed our baby down through the pressure waves that I really only started pushing involuntarily when her head was literally right there. I will never forget how happy I felt when someone said, “Your baby has hair!” At the same time, I totally underestimated how hard work it was! I was sooo sweaty hot, and I kept asking if I was doing anything. Everyone kept saying, “oh yes, you are doing something!” My husband was there, kissing my head, holding my hand, and just being someone to look at when I was feeling overwhelmed. He was an incredible rock.

The feeling of pressure and stretching were not pain free (some hypnobabies mamas have pain free births). I think I said "ouch!" a few times, and I also found myself feeling so afraid of the next pressure wave because of how intense the pressure and stretching was. There came a point where I just had to decide that I was going to allow my body to work through what I was feeling and give it a little more personal effort as well.

The midwife (who was applying wonderful hot compresses!) said that in a few minutes she’d let me know to switch to short breathy pushes. However, I got it in my mind that I was all in and bore down powerfully. Out SHOT her head. The moment her head popped out was probably the most vocal I got because I was so shocked! I gave a little yell. Then, before I knew it her shoulders were out and then her body…and all I had to do was breath. In that moment, I forgot everything and immediately just wanted to hold our baby. I don’t remember, but apparently I was saying, “Hi baby, I’m your mama, I’m your mama!” Those were the words I’d uttered to her so many times as I practiced hypnobabies and met her in our special safe place. It was perfect, I cannot describe the relief. I was bloody, exposed, sweaty, flabby…and I didn’t care! I was in my husbands arms and my arms cradled our baby. Everything else was forgotten as I gazed at our perfect little Angel....

Mommy and Baby resting after our big adventure of birth!!!

 It was SUCH a beautiful birthday. 

In the next blog I have a few reflections on Liliana's birthday and the hypnobabies methodology. I hope you enjoy them and those of you preparing for some little Angel's birthday may find them helpful.

We love you! XOXO

The American Dream

Hello dear loved ones! ( I wrote this a week ago but just now am getting internet access to post it!)

I am here at Joe’s work with him (on Monday night), and thanks to the generosity of Joe’s gym manager have a computer at my disposal. A perfect time to update you all a little more while my handsome love brings home the bacon (quite literally these days due to my constant bacon desire!)…

We are 38 weeks pregnant today, and I get the sense this little person is quite comfortable in her warm womb. She still seems to have plenty of room to move and manoeuvre, which makes ME feel like she might never want to come out!  It’s ok, I trust she will be born at the perfect time, whenever she is ready! I certainly feel very pregnant, slow and lumbering and just plain ungraceful these days...not to mention I may or may not cry at the drop of a pin!

We celebrated our first Anniversary this weekend (which I will reflect on in another blog), but needless to say it was a perfect weekend! Joe and I got our hair cut on Saturday AND we went to confession, so now our insides and outsides are all ready for baby to arrive J

We sort of celebrated one year of marital bliss all weekend, which involved delicious noodle-box takeout on Saturday, a movie-night in on Saturday night, a big brunch on Sunday morning, and scrumptious Italian dinner on Sunday night. Oh, I forgot to mention that on Saturday night we re-created our honeymoon feasting with a Mediterranean picnic on our living room floor – complete with olive loaf, cheese, fruits and meats of all sorts, and of course dark chocolate. It was a weekend of true BLISS!

One of our many meals on our honeymoon. I miss Italy!!!! (And drinking wine) :)

 Joe played his final home game on Saturday, which was truly bittersweet for both of us. It has been such a challenging year for his basketball team. It is never fun to be part of a team on a losing streak, nor to have to navigate coaching changes/ losing players/ feelings of not playing to one’s full potential on the court. However, he played so strongly on Saturday, scoring 18 points, playing 37 minutes, and of course also supporting his team by being a super strong defensive player, rebounder, and setting up plays. I burst with pride when I watch my husband play basketball, and I will always be grateful for this opportunity to have witnessed him playing the sport he loves at a professional level.

Soo, the American Dream? Yes, he has been called that here. He amassed quite a fan base over the season, and at one particular home game one of his friends went into the announcer’s box and asked them to announce him as Joe Packard, “the American Dream”, the next time he was subbed on. Well, needless to say it stuck! Soooo hilarious. Joe doesn’t particularly love it, but I don’t mind if people think he is dreamy ;)

Anyhow, that is the little update for now! I am truly amazed, when I look at how we live our day to day to life here, at how far we’ve come in terms of operating here. I remember how frightened I used to be to venture out of the house. I was scared of driving, scared of ordering food at restaurants, scared of crossing the road because I always looked the wrong way, scared of having conversations with people because I never “got” their sense of humour. And now, here we are! I have learned so much about my ability to adapt, and about OUR ability to learn and grow together, conquering any challenge as long as we are side by side.

I have been reminiscing about summers of old due to the Stampede happening at the moment in Calgary. I can’t wait to bring our little girl to the Stampede and dress her up in her cowgirl duds! Needless to say, we miss you all terribly, but we are doing well and of course HAPPY!

Lots of love from Down Under!

xoxo

BEFORE YOU WERE CONCEIVED, I WANTED YOU.

BEFORE YOU WERE BORN, I LOVED YOU.

BEFORE YOU WERE HERE AN HOUR, I WOULD DIE FOR YOU.

THIS IS THE MIRACLE OF LOVE.

(Maureen Hawkins)

***tear*** this makes me teary to just write it. Can't wait to meet and hold our little miracle of love herself!

If I Could Only Tell Her...

Dearest Ones, how we miss you! We are well here though, so very peaceful and so deeply happy. Thank you for praying for us!

Well, I'm not sure about those of you who have been pregnant before, but for me this pregnancy has been a time of deep thought about my relationship with my mom. Mostly, I have moments of heart break thinking about how much I know she has loved me, and how often I've failed to receive her love or to return it like I should. If I could only tell my little daughter these things...

"When your Mama wants to have a nap and hold you close in cuddles, don't wriggle away and complain...one day you will be too big to fit in the crook of her arm! (The same goes for sitting on her lap or putting your head on her shoulder!) You will one day be a grown lady and wish for the comfort and security of mother's arms again."

"Don't think you are "too big" to hold her hand when you are still really little. Her heart will break a little bit on the day you are too cool, and yet she'll put on a smiley face and let you go anyhow. Don't rush it!"

"When she feeds you healthy food, and sends healthy snacks to school for you, try to remember that she is creating a healthy lifestyle for you, and she would probably find it alot easier to give you the dunkaroos you keep begging for!"

"Understand that when you have woes at school and with friends, she spends nights awake worrying. Try to be easy on her!"

"When you are a little older (like 14) you might feel very grown up but you are still your mama's little girl! Please be understanding when she has a hard time accepting that you might want to go away  for school, or chase dreams. Also, be easy on her when she asks you to wait, chances are she knows what is best for you!"

"When you are still older (but still her baby), and find yourself ugly when you look in the mirror...think about the anguish you might cause your mama who thinks you are the most beautiful oldest daughter she could ever ask for. Let her love you, cry in her arms, and let her take care of you. You don't have to be grown up before your time, and you certainly don't have to be tough all the time!"

"Don't ever tell her you hate her, because you never really do. It might seem like the most hurtful thing you could say in the moment, and it just might be, but why would you ever say something like that when you don't mean it?"

"When she is worried about someone you are dating, or a group of friends you might have, listen to her concerns...chances are her instincts are spot on."

"Call her, pray for her, hug her, love her, tell her you are sorry, tell her she is the most beautiful lady you've ever seen, tell her that she is your heroine and role-model, never let her forget that she is still the one person in the whole wide world that knows your heart in her special, perfect way."

Mama-Mia and all of her daughters....what a beautiful Mom we have!

I love my Mom so much and my heart is full to bursting with gratitude for just how she has loved me over the years. The little list above only scratches the surface of how well I have been loved. Now, on the verge of meeting my own daughter (unless of course "she" is actually a "he"!!), I feel a strange mixture of confidence and child-like fear. In one way I am ready for the adventure of motherhood, and on the other hand I only want the security of my own mother's arms. Perhaps this will never change!

Thank you Mama, for loving us with such self-donation!

Lots of Love from OZ. I can't wait to hug so many of you!

xoxo

Pregnancy Tool Kit

Hello again our dear ones near and far away! I hope this July day finds you all well and very happy. I am currently layered up with leggings, a skirt, and two sweaters. Brrrr, it’s chilly! However, I also just finished eating an orange popsicle, I couldn’t resist! A pregnant girl has got to do what shes got to do J

Yes, I eat popsicles all day long lately!!! My favorite are orange and sprite flavored, Joe has taken quickly to fudgsicles. We have a collection in our freezer :) 

Today, for something completely different I wanted to share (with those of you who might be interested) some of the tools that have helped me have such a fabulous, healthy pregnancy. I started off this pregnancy reeling from the emotions of the experience and all of my fears (superficial and deep) regarding this journey. It motivated me to pursue a healthy, vital pregnancy. In the process, I’ve learned that unfortunately most women are fed with the message that pregnancy is a condition that must be managed instead of a natural and beautiful process. I think in the end, constantly hearing that message can lead to a lot of undue fear and painful experiences. 

Of course, I recognize that every woman is different, every baby is different, and every pregnancy is different. Thus, there isn't just one "right way" to be pregnant or manage pregnancy. Some need more intervention and management, and that is OK too! But, here are some of the things that have helped me!

WARNING: this blog is LONG, if pregnancy doesn't interest you, you may want to skip to the last paragraph :)

The first has been my beautiful Hypnobabies Childbirth Preparation Course. Now, this is a course that teaches hypnosis for childbirth, and at first hypnosis sounded really out there and wonky to me. However, Hypnobabies is really about learning to deeply relax and also to reprogram your psyche to view pregnancy as normal, natural, healthy, and safe. The hour or so that I’ve spent each day since about 25 weeks learning about my body and bonding with our little girl has been so utterly invaluable. Moreover, it is a complete childbirth course, so there is tons of information about nutrition (including encouragement to gain SUFFICIENT weight during pregnancy, yay!), and exercise. Husbands are involved also, and I can’t wait to try my tools out on Liliana’s birthday. However, even if her birth should take any unexpected turns, I will use Hypnobabies for affirmation and reassurance in every subsequent pregnancy.

http://www.hypnobabies.com/

The second is positive birth stories and birth videos! I have spent much time reading positive birth stories and watching videos of beautiful, peaceful births on youtube. I think that it really helps to feel united to other women, to see their strength, and to have first hand witnesses of how beautiful and strengthening birth can be, despite its intensity and oftentimes the pain. When I feel worries, especially when bombarded with other women’s horror stories or the oh-so-popular phrase “you’ll give in and get the drugs,” I just watch a video or read a birth story, or look at the GORGEOUS photos by birth photorapher Lynsey Stone J

http://www.blogger.com/goog_1586284803

http://www.blogger.com/goog_1586284803

http://www.youtube.com/user/EnjoyBirth

http://www.dfwbirthphotographer.com



Third and more recently is information about optimal fetal positioning. It has been revealed to me that there is a perfect position for babies to be born in! Statistically, this position allows for quicker labors, perfect head positioning, and therefore calmer mamas! Specifically this is anterior (facing mom’s back), chin tucked, and with the fetal spine to maternal left. It is shocking to me that women aren’t told about this more, because we can actually encourage our babies into this position in the last 4-6 weeks of pregnancy. It involves almost no time reclining, and lots of time on all fours or leaning forward, but I feel like that is a worthwhile little sacrifice. Check out these websites:

http://www.spinningbabies.com/

http://fruitfulvines.blogspot.com/search/label/Baby%20Positions

All of the different positions our wee ones can assume in utero!

Fourth is Exercise!!! Now, I have been fortunate enough to feel well enough to exercise throughout pregnancy. However, while I started out doing what I normally would in the gym, I obviously had to revise. Now, I get into the weight room maybe twice a week and do arms and lots of squats (and at the same time frighten to death all the macho men in there with my ginormous belly!). The other two or so times I work out, I use my amazing MommyShape Prenatal DVD, which I bought from www.amazon.com. Taught by a woman who is 35 weeks pregnant, the dvd was too easy for me in second trimester but has been perfect in the third. It is a mix of yoga, dancing, and light weights (I use soup cans). Liliana loves the dancing portion and always gets her little self going before dropping off to sleep. What a sweetie!

http://www.mommyshape.net

This is what the cover of the DVD looks like :)



Fifth, but  most important is Spiritual Preparation. Joe and I have just devoured “Parenting with Grace” by Gregory and Lisa Popcak. (http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Grace-Gregory-K-Popcak/dp/1592766854/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1310370958&sr=8-2We)We only read up to and including the chapter on parenting infants, but it truly helped us understand better our vocation to parenthood and the responsibility of teaching this little one about the Father’s love from her first moments. Moreover, it has reminded us of the importance of a strong and passionate marital love as we parent. I would highly recommend the book to anyone who is interested. We read it outloud together, little by little, and I know we will return to it many times in the future.

Well, this has certainly been a novel! BUT, I hope that it provides some help to whoever may be early in their pregnancy and looking for little ways to have a joyful, beauty-filled baby growing. Tomorrow I will write about the “American Dream” himself, my husband. And yes, he has been called that here.

We love you! Prayers from OZ,



Baby-moons and Computer Woes

Our Dear Ones, how I've missed writing to you all!  I looked back on my blogs and it has been one month and 6 days since I last wrote. So much has happened, but in the interest of avoiding a novel, I will only write about two of them.

Computer woes! Yes, we can blame the death of my poor old faithful Toshiba for my inability to write. Ever since arriving in Australia our appliances and electronics have, one by one, died. I think that they have a hard time handling the wattage difference, even with a converter. It started with my big curling iron, which wilted like a wet noodle one day when I went to pick it up and curl my hair. BAD sign!!! It melted. It was followed by my straightener and blow dryer, until, finally one day the computer had had enough also. Unfortunately, it has a bit of an attitude, so if I even try to coax it into starting it sparks and smokes. No, there is no salvaging old faithful. Alas! Thanks for your patience in waiting for updates.

Now for the exciting topic! My dear and romantic husband planned us a little baby-moon! We had the most glorious night away in a beautiful 5 star hotel in downtown Melbourne. Can you imagine, the hotel room was bigger than our house! It had a beautiful kitchen area and a BATH WITH JACUZZI!!! I've been yearning for a bath my entire pregnancy, and so, get ready...I had two baths in one night :) There is something glorious about feeling weightless in the water. I think I'll probably remember how good those baths felt for a long time!

We got all dressed up and had drinks in the lounge. Oh, how glamorous and fancy we felt. It was so fun! It was nice to "escape" for a while. It is not as though our life is difficult or needs escaping, but I think that maybe I was able to enjoy this one night away more than I would have been able to in the past because I've focused so much on appreciating every small gift in our daily existence that this just seemed extravagant and over the top. It was almost too much to take in! After our fancy drinks we finished our night with dinner at a nearby Irish pub that had a live music, and then lay in bed eating peanut mnms and reveling in the luxury. It was perfect! As our train sped away from downtown and towards "real life" Joe and I talked about the fact that we may not have even been able to take one more night away, we felt so spoiled by the one we had been given. Heaven!!

By the way, we booked our hotel room at www.lastminute.com.au. I am not sure if an equivalent exists in North America, but I'd be shocked if it didn't. It is a perfect solution for budget conscious couples, and enabled us to afford a hotel we normally wouldn't have been able. I highly recommend it!

As I write, our little person is snuggled nicely into my ribs. Albeit uncomfortable, I feel like I'm going to miss feeling her move and grow inside of me, I could never have anticipated how much I would love carrying this little one. What a miracle of love! I can't believe we are 3.5 weeks away from our "guess date." I will write a bambino update in our next blog :)

We love you and we miss you! All is well here in Australia, although we certainly wouldn't complain if you were to send some Northern Hemisphere summer our way...it is cold and grey! We think about you every day and pray for you every morning. Thank you for praying for us...

XOXO

Winter Days and Reason to Give Thanks

Dearest Loved Ones,

How blessed we are! It has been a beautiful and BUSY time in our lives. I sometimes find myself wishing everything would slow down so that we could enjoy the scenery a little more, but then I realize that this is life, and chances are it won't slow down so we need to learn to appreciate the scenery in each moment despite the pace of life. So, here is a little update for all of our dear ones far away.

First of all, yesterday was the first day of winter. At times we just feel upside down and backwards, it is hard to adjust to the words "June" and "winter" being synonymous. I don't know if I would ever get used to such things, as my memories of June- August are filled with such beautiful summer events and childhood joy! Beautifully, though, the last two days have been gloriously sunny and I just LOVE being able to turn my face to the sun and soak up some of the rays. It has been too long since we've seen sunshine. It will be fun to tell Liliana that she was a winter baby, even though probably for the rest of her life she'll have summer birthdays.

I had a wonderful 26th Birthday. Joe and I were spoiled to be invited over for dinner on my birthday-eve by our parish priest, Fr. David. He served us a gorgeous Italian meal, complete with fresh bread, 3 courses, and gorgeous dessert. Joe even got to indulge in some home made limoncello!!! The next day, I spoiled myself with a french manicure and gorgeous fresh baked scones from the bakery. I've wanted them every time I walked past the bakery but was able to hold out until my birthday, it was such a treat! Joe stayed in with me that night and we cooked a beautiful meal, it was a blessing to just "be" with no where to go or no schedule to keep. Finally, on Friday we went bowling with our friends Leigh and Karli...and let's just say I felt like the comic relief trying to bowl around my big belly. We had to put up the bumpers, I was a lost cause. However, fun fun FUN!

Yesterday we "entertained" for the first time in our little apartment. I felt nervous all week about it, because of course I would like to be the "hostess with the mostest" and it is hard to accomplish when you make your guests eat on the floor around the coffee table due to lack of space! Joe and I cooked Mexican food, which involved a trip to the only Latino grocer I could find online. Get this, Goya black beans are priced like a delicacy here, but mmmmm they were so worth it! It's been almost a year since we've been able to eat delicious black beans. Seeing the delicious chalupa sauces and varieties of salsas almost made me feel at home. Anyhow, all worked out and no one seemed to mind too much having to sit on the floor. It was balm for the heart to be able to do something nice for people, when most often here we are the recipients of overwhelming hospitality and generosity.

Our little person is getting not-so-little and I am getting both antsy and nervous about how quickly her "guess date" is approaching! I am so in love with this little lady and find every single movement she makes soooo endearing. I've been spending lots of time trying to encourage her into the proper anterior position for birth, which means lots of time leaning forward so that she doesn't decide to flip around. I am excited about the possibility of a smooth and straightforward delivery...needless to say encouraging her to be back-to-my-belly-button has also alleviated lots of back pain. We both win!! I have found myself truly able to bond with her this pregnancy, which I feel very blessed to have. So looking forward to the first moment I can look at her little face and tell her "hi, I am your mama!!!!"

Have I mentioned how much I love my husband? Haha, oh yes, I suppose that is almost the topic of every blog so I won't nauseate you with gushy-ness this blog. Needless to say, he is still working hard and continues to grow as a hero in my eyes. 'sigh!'

Well, I will leave it there for now. We are so blessed, GOD is so GOOD, and His Providence continues to amaze and humble us. We miss you all, my heart aches for missing the beautiful spring days and time with our dear families. Know we keep close to you in thoughts and prayer,

Love always,

Rainy Days but Happy Days!

Hello dear friends and family, from a very chilly Melbourne. As I write the rain is falling down and I sit bundled in our living room with the heater keeping me warm.

So, what’s the news from Melbourne? Besides the chilly weather that makes us not want to get out of bed each morning, we are doing very well and of course are very happy. Can I just take a moment to rave about my amazing husband? He has picked up yet another job here in Melbourne. Working at a warehouse 8 hours a day certainly isn’t glamorous and is so far from Joe’s dream job, but he doesn’t complain!  He is also still working night shifts at the gym and coaching, as well as playing basketball. I am just so amazed by his selflessness, the fact that he would sacrifice so much to support me as I study and to support our family as we anticipate Liliana’s arrival. I am so excited for the day when he finally gets a job he loves and when he doesn’t have to work 50+ hours a week. For now, we just count our blessings J

The little lady is growing and growing! We had our 28 week check up two days ago, and everything looks wonderful. She is active and spends much more time head down now, which makes my ribs one of her favorite things to explore with her feet. I love it though; those little kicks are a sign of a healthy and growing baby. Here are some recent pictures (at 28.5 weeks)…12 weeks left, WOW!

Joe’s basketball team continues to struggle to get a win in. With injuries crippling the team and various other difficult circumstances surrounding them, I am proud of the men but feel so bad that their morale is taking such a beating! Joe, of course, continues to play his heart out on the court, although I think I am getting used to seeing him skid across the floor and take beating on the court. Not to mention, he dishes it out as well, and almost every game finishes with 4 or 5 fouls.

We had some surprising news when Joe’s work visa was denied by the Australian government. Although, it is all starting to make sense as we follow the news and hear more about how the government is cracking down on the granting of work visas in order to lower unemployment rates here in Australia. So, it is time for us to re-evaluate, as Joe will be illegal in Australia at the end of September….good thing we love being spontaneous and we also fully believe that God reveals His plans for our life in beautiful and mysterious ways. More on that soon!

Well, I suppose that is all for now! I wish I could thrill you all with stories of daring adventures and exciting travel. Instead, we live an exceedingly low key life, as we strive to make ends meet and provide a little bit for our future. However, coming on ten months of marriage I can tell you that I am more passionately in love, happier, and more secure than I have ever been. With most things in our lives (waaaaay) up in the air, our marriage stays grounded in love for God, our baby girl, and each other. Joe is my rock and my prince. I am the luckiest woman alive, and in that senseI feel like I am still living my very own fairy tale. Praise God!

We miss you every day. We miss the smells of spring in Texas and Calgary, we miss Canmore and bonfires in Joe’s backyard, we miss hugging our mamas and dads, and the ability to just call anytime, but we persevere!  We love you!

xoxo

How can I love You even more than this?

Dearest ones, how are you today? You are going to have to excuse me for being cheesy and romantic. I just can't help it, maybe a little bit of pregnancy hormones, but I think more than anything you can blame my cheese on my ever growing gratitude for my dearest hubby.

The other day during class break I was having a discussion with my professor about the new trend, transhumanism, which professes the aim to make immortality possible for those who are genetically perfect (which they propose to do through eugenic manipulation). Someone asked, have they thought about what it means to never die? About how meaningless life would become when it just stretched on and on?  I agree, I can’t imagine knowing that this life would last forever, it would be so....bleak?

However, there is one reason why I can’t fathom physical death…and that is the immense love I have for my husband. We’ve only been married ten months and yet some nights I lie in bed unable to sleep because I can’t stand the thought of being separated from him eventually. It is the one reason getting older and the passage of time is so frightening to me! He is everything to me!! I truly ache for him when we've been apart half a day...he is my dearest beloved and my best friend. When I expressed this to my professor he only smiled, and told me that my love would only grow, that my spouse would only become more important to me, and my anticipation of one day being separated from him would become more and more painful! I can’t imagine!!!! Dr. Cooper said that he knows the death of his wife (if she dies before him) will be the certain death of a part of himself. Bernard, a class mate, said the same…that his attachment to his wife is only more intense than it has ever been (they’ve been married 30 years or so!). 

Anyhow, my heart gets tight in my chest when I think about how I love my husband. It is almost painful to love someone so much, yet he and our love is most sublime gift my life has brought to me. I know that many of you feel that way, and yet it is one of those things that simply can’t be described until it is experienced. Oh if only I could live forever only so I could love my Joe forever! I suppose that is reason in itself to love him as deeply, fully, and selflessly every day, so that I can never look back and wish I’d used the gift of time better. Speaking of looking back, I’ve been looking at old pics lately, so I thought I’d put some up from the very beginning of our relationship!

When I cheered on the baseball and not the basketball bleachers :) Such a handsome baseball player he is!

The first time Joe joined our family in Hawaii...such fun hiking!

The very first picture ever taken of us...at our friend Zac's birthday at the good old "Sugar Shack" in Dallas!



Cheering for the Mavs during playoffs....too bad they weren't doing as well then as they are now! Look at that Handsome shaved head....

'SIGH'

Oh a completely different note, the spiders have gone away with the cold but I may be scarred for life because today there was a cockroach that crawled into my hot chocolate while I wasn’t looking. It took a while for me to recover from that scare! He is now down the toilette, followed by lots of bleach so he doesn’t come back up and surprise one of us. Ewwww!

That’s all for today, dear loved ones…just the musings of a deeply in love wife, and a deeply grateful lady.  We miss you, of course! I know I say that every time I write but it is SO TRUE.  Long distance hugs from Melbourne to all of you, please know that we hold you close in our prayers.

xoxo

Letter to Liliana

My Dearest Little Lady,

Well, Mother's day is coming up, our first Mother's day of many to come. I am excited for this one, that I get to spend so close with you, feeling you move and grow in my belly. I think it is a very lucky first Mother's day to have! There are so many things happening, so very quickly now that you and I are in our third trimester. I can't believe that your beautiful birth day is 3 months away. Oh how I can't wait to meet you and hold you, and kiss your cute little nose.

You are getting very big now! I can't bend over to put my socks or shoes on, and if I try you always remind me with a fiesty little kick that you are there and don't like being squished.

You like to spend most of your time very low in my belly and with what seems to be your back pressed up against me. Often Daddy and I can make out the shape of your little body, and then it looks like you are trying to escape straight through my belly button when you start moving around and making all sorts of odd shapes out of my abdomen.

You really hurt my back these days, upper and lower! I have lots of pain in my ribs, maybe because you are crowding my lungs? I don't know, and I'll probably never know as you won't be able to tell me when you are finally in our arms! Daddy has become a hero doing lots of the house work and taking care of me, because sometimes the only relief is to put my feet up with a hot pack.

You MUST be growing because Mommy is soooo hungry. I usually wake up in the night and my stomach is growling away. You make me want to eat lots of sweets, especially first thing in the morning. Who knew Easter Eggs tasted so good before real eggs?

You seem to move and kick more than you sleep. It is so cute when you get the hiccups, and lots of times you start moving if we are playing music. You always move when Daddy talks to you through Mommy's belly button, and when he puts his cheek against you, you like to give him a little kick and let him know you are there.

Yesterday I saw/felt either a little foot or a little knee sticking out on the left side, it was so cute and I keep imagining what your little feet will look like! Will they be long and skinny like your daddy's?

I have dreams of you alot, and in my dreams I get to hold you. You always have lots of dark hair!! To tell you the truth, you always look alot like me in my newborn pictures, maybe because it is hard to imagine a perfect little person that is a combination of your daddy and me. It is just so amazing!

On that last note, I really hope you get your daddy's gorgeous hands and fingers. If you do, not only will you be an amazing athlete but you could be a fabulous musician. Oh, the opportunities are endless!

Mommy and Daddy are still living in Australia. It's been a really big challenge, and to tell you the truth you are the brightest light in our lives right now. Even though it's hard to make ends meet, we can't imaging not having you in our lives, you make everything worth it!

I am really hoping that you are born before Daddy's last basketball game (July 31), even though your "guess date" is August 1. I just want you to "see" him play!! He is such a hero, you are going to be soooo proud of your daddy, and you are going to feel so safe whenever he is with you.

You seem pretty stubborn, much more like me than like daddy. I don't know how possible it is to tell personality in the womb, but you seem to be pretty assertive in there! Oh dear, what have I gotten myself into? Hopefully your daddy, who is cool as a cucumber, can rub off on you a little bit.

Oh, and by the way I have been doing lots of work to prepare for your beautiful birthday. Mommy is learning hypnobabies, in the hopes that your birthday is beautiful and peaceful. I want you to come in the world in a peaceful and gentle way. I wouldn't mind if you cooperated with me :)

Well my sweet Liliana Joy, that's all for now! I love you so much, thank you for being my daughter...I feel like the luckiest lady in the world to be celebrating her first mother's day as your mama! Keep growing big and strong!!!

xoxo...... Mama

Belly Button Sweat :)

That's right, you read it correctly, belly.button.sweat. We have now reached the stage in Liliana's growth and development that her mama's belly button has become very flat. It is not an innie, it is not an outie, it is just straight across. For that very reason, I get a circle of sweat where my flat belly button is every time that I work out. We joke that Liliana is working hard too, thats her little armpit sweating. If anything pregnancy is verrrry good for humility!

I came across a beautiful quote the other day about pregnancy, so beautiful that I thought I'd share with you all. I know that every single mom, grandma, great-grandma out there will identify with it!

"Pregnancy is itself a symbol of deep hospitality. It is the giving of one's body to the life of another. It is a sharing of all that we have, our cell structure, our bloodstream our food, our oxygen. It is saying 'welcome' with every breath and every heartbeat. And for many others that welcome is given irrespective of the demands made on one's own comfort, health or ease of life. For the demands of this hospitality are greater than almost any of our own. And the growing fetus is made to know that here is love, here are warm lodgings, here is a place of safety. In hiding and in quiet the miraculous growth can take place."

Elaine Storkey

It is Holy Week, almost Easter! I can hardly believe it!!! Do you have anything special planned, our dear loved ones? It is always so hard being away from family during beautiful celebrations such as this, but Joe and I have been invited to Easter lunch and to a bbq on Easter Saturday, so we will be very well taken care of!

I'll leave you with a beautiful Matt Maher Song, to contemplate His sacrifice for us this week. We must remember that anything we have been through, He has suffered already for us! Pain, rejection, loneliness, fear...we should run to His arms.

We love you, our dear ones, and we miss you so deeply. We often lie in bed at night and day-dream about the next time we get to see you, and then we write down all of the things we can't wait to do with you and show you.

Have a beautiful Holy Week! xoxoxo