Judah David's Birthday

Our beautiful baby boy’s birthday began the morning of November 14^th. It became very clear to me, after many days of anxiety, that I couldn’t tell him that it we were ready to meet him until I let go of my fears, insecurities and need for control/perfection. With our first baby, I truly believe that her peaceful entry into the world had tons to do with allowing my body and my baby to work together, without injecting fear or tension into the process with my over-active brain! I knew that this would be the key to a beautiful birthday for Judah, and so, over and over that morning I listened to Audrey Assad’s “I Shall Not Want.” My sweet 2 year old and I had such a happy morning together, and peacefully I lay down for a nap telling Judah that we were ready and excited to meet him.

I didn’t sleep well because I was having light contractions, which really meant nothing to me due to the fact that I’d had weeks of light contractions!  We happily just played around the home as I tidied just in case and kept an eye on consistency of the contractions. They were coming regularly and started coming closer together but no more intensely! Around 4 pm I decided to have a bath and half glass of wine, knowing that if this was false labor it would stop! When it didn’t stop them I allowed myself to feel a small twinge of excitement and continued on.

Around 5:30 I called my midwives just to give them a heads up that contractions were around 5 minutes apart just in case they had 3 other ladies in labor too (they didn't)! I could talk through them, though and had no sense of needing to be “checked.”

We started getting Liliana ready to go to her grandparents, just in case. Oh, my heart felt slightly broken sending her out the door. She was so excited to go to Lolli and Grandads and innocently asked, “you not coming Mama?” "No sweetie, I’m not, I will see you soon though!" I packed her away with birthday cake makings for her baby brother. She made an absolutely beautiful mess of a cake and we’ve enjoyed it since J

7:30 pm I called the midwives again as contractions were 3 -5 minutes apart but totally manageable….again I told them no need to come check! I will never forget how pleasant it was, being with just my love in the comfort of our own home. He was working away on his computer and I was quietly moving about the home telling myself to “open, open, open,” with every contraction. In contrast to my first labor, where all I wanted was quiet and stillness….I had the sense that this baby needed movement. Thus it was that I danced, quietly in our kitchen, for hours. I had to stop and breath through contractions but I didn’t want anyone’s help. It was just Judah and I, working together towards his birth, with my darling husband there in case I needed him! I will always remember what it was like swaying there, imagining his little face and wanting to meet him soooo badly!

Just before 11 pm my mom called and advised me to lay down and try to sleep. In her wisdom she knew that if this little boy was coming nothing would stop him but that if I needed to rest I could. I felt discouraged that maybe he wasn’t coming even though it had been hours of moderate work J However, I whispered a prayer of surrender and I lay down

Immediately I was hit by 2 doozies, and I mean doozies! I was there trying to gain some semblance of the peace and control I had maintained until I finally willed myself out of my bed to alert Joe. He called my mom and the midwives and they were all on their way. Thank goodness he had already set up the pool in our living room and had the hose all ready to go to fill it up! I was shaking with adrenaline, and needed Joe for counter pressure. He warmed up the rice bag for my abdomen and put nice strong counter pressure on my back. All I could do during each contraction was tell baby Judah that I loved him, over and over and over. Joe whispered “peace” to me.

With the arrival of my mom, sisters, and midwives came a flurry of activity, especially when I told them that I was feeling some pressure. Joe quickly started filling the pool and for the first time I was checked. 7-8 cms and baby was right there, our midwife told me. I asked her if she could feel if he had hair. She laughed and said no, and then hustled off to set up all of their equipment. Everything you could possibly need, medically, was there waiting just in case. There is something so hopeful about that moment in labor when you see the little hats and blankets warming there….knowing that soon they will be on YOUR baby! My sisters were on hot water duty, filling and refilling pots to add to the pool. They were invaluable!!

The intensity of the pressure and contractions was overwhelming. I kept telling Judah I loved him as each contraction brought me to my knees, and I imagined myself climbing a mountain knowing that the peak meant I could come down and rest. I labor silently, just breathing, and so Joe watched intently knowing immediately when I needed him and continuing with counter pressure. My mom held the warm rice bag on my abdomen so I could just focus.

Finally I could get in the water and OH it felt sooooo good. It was so soothing and made the contractions so much less intense! I only had a few contractions in the pool until I started feeling pushy. It was such a distinct change. I still had to climb the mountain but then on the way down it really was like descending down because my body just started bearing down! I was chanting to myself (in my head) “down down and out like a slide.” I was imagining little man just sliding down and out, willing my body to be open for him. I just stayed in the position that felt good, which was on my hands and knees with my head resting on the side of the pool. The first real pushing contraction my water broke and it was such relief. The second pushing contraction his head was born (ouch!) and our amazing midwife told me to just rest and next contraction we would have a baby! I felt his little shoulders, arms, and legs slither out as she passed him straight through my legs and into my arms. My arms were the first to ever hold him, and I will never forget that moment. “Hi baby, hi baby, hi baby!!!.” My heart was bursting with love!

We just sat there, as he made hardly a peep and we kept him warm with the lovely water (which was basically guck free! I was happy about that). The cord pulsed for a long time as I basked in the total happiness of holding my little prize and everyone oooing and ahhhing and praising. Once it stopped pulsing Godmama Jocelyn cut it, and I was helped out of the tub, still holding little man to my chest. Taken to my own bed, I was checked for tears (none!) and then just tucked in. How glorious!! The whole time my sweet son never left my chest, and we all just admired him. The amazing midwives checked Judah out, his apgars were 9 and 10, and then cleaned up! They even put laundry in. What a gift! They had arrived just before midnight, baby was born at 1:05 am, and after a champagne toast and slice of banana bread they were gone by 3:30. Joe and I were left to admire our beautiful new baby and go to sleep. What a birthday, what a memory, how blessed we are!!

Judah David Packard

6 lbs 10 ounces

20.25 inches

November 15, 2013

Reflections on Liliana's Birthday

Hello Dear Ones!!! 

In the blog before this I recounted the day that Liliana was born. I just want to offer a few reflections on birth, her birthday in particular, and the hypnobabies methodology I learned for birthing. It is probably helpful for you to read the birth story first before reading this one!!! 

http://packardjoeandem.blogspot.com/2011/08/liliana-joys-birth-story.html

FIVE things:

Firstly, the last 3 or so weeks of my pregnancy I’d visualized my birth and in it I awoke with pressure waves early in the morning so that I could labor in the quiet and dark for a while, arrived at the birth center 7 or 8 centimeters dilated, and had our baby before 8 pm. In real life, I awoke at 5:00 am with pressure waves, labored at home for ten hours, arriving at the birth center only three hours before our baby was born. I never had a single internal exam because I progressed so steadily and our baby was right there when my body started pushing. I only pushed for 45 minutes. By 8 pm I had birthed our beautiful baby and was enjoying a glass of champagne! It was simply incredible. The human mind is so beautiful and so powerfully equipped to do amazing things. I think that women need to have more confidence in their ability to achieve beautiful, peaceful births.

Secondly: I took the posterior challenge (the challenge to ensure Liliana was in a perfect position to be born) very seriously and spent weeks ensuring that our little one was anterior. Posterior babies often result in long labors and lots of back pain. This challenge meant hardly ever leaning back in a comfy chair and lots of hands and knees time but it was SO WORTH IT! I HIGHLY recommend this. Check out www.spinningbabies.com for more information :)

Thirdly, even though I didn’t use the hypnobabies tools like I’d expected I would (didn’t use the finger drop and quickly lost interest in the recordings as I started concentrating more), the biggest thing hypnobabies gave me was the mental conditioning to allow my body to do what it knew how to do and to be unafraid. Moreover, it taught me how to relax so effectively, and direct that relaxation through breathing, that I almost didn’t need to actively use the tools as it came naturally to me after so many months of practice. I fully believe that my body worked so efficiently because I knew how to take my mind out of the process and surrender control through relaxation.

Fourthly: I was waiting for the moment where I'd think that I needed pain relief or that I couldn't cope. But, it never came! I was so well equipped with other methods of relaxing, and I so thoroughly believed that my body was capable of doing what it needed to, that I never felt like I needed intervention.This is not to say that all intervention is bad, I just want to say that an intervention free birth is totally possible and need not be traumatizing!

Finally, I had the BEST birth team ever and I hope every woman is as lucky as me to be surrounded by such a team. My husband was my primary support, and he was supported by my mom and my little sister Anna. I felt cherished, treasured, and safe the entire time. I think this helped me to never panic or feel out of control. Consequently, experiencing birth was not scary for my 9 year old sister. We often offered to her the option to leave the room if it was too much. However, she never felt the need to! Society has gone away from birth and death being something that isn't scary, that is natural, and a family event. However, I don't think we need to view these things as scary, and it gives me so much joy that now my little sister has been able to witness the miracle of childbirth and the utter joy of welcoming a new baby into the world.

 I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect birthday for our sweet Liliana!!!

Oh how we love you, Liliana JOY!

PS: stay tuned, because Joe is going to write his version of Liliana's birthday soon :) 

Love from the land of Oz, XOXO

Liliana Joy's Birth Story!

The Birth Story of Liliana Joy Packard - July 31, 2011

NOTE: Hypnobabies (the birth prep I used) terminology is used in this story thus pressure waves=contraction, birthing time=labor. I also make reference to the finger drop which is a technique to instantly relax, and to several hypnobabies recordings. If you have any questions please ask! 


***This birth story is not graphic but it is detailed***

Well I should begin by saying that due to the fact that my mom had all of her (6) children at least one-two weeks overdue, I was assuming that this my first baby would be as overdue! Thus, despite being very close to my guess date I had no anxiety about wanting our little one to hurry up and be born, but instead was finding it quite easy to be “lovingly patient” as I had heard every day on the hypnobabies tracks! My husband and I live in Australia, despite being from Canada/USA and thus were super excited to welcome my mom and little sister to Melbourne when I was 39 weeks 3 days. On the night of 39 weeks 5 days, we went to one of my husband’s basketball games which was very intense. I was experiencing super strong braxton hicks throughout the game, but attributed it to the intensity of the game! I had been having lots of braxton hicks anyhow since about 36 weeks, and so thought nothing of it.

I woke up at 5:00 am on the dot the next day with pressure waves that felt slightly different to the braxton hicks, as they wrapped around my back. Immediately upon awakening I knew that I wouldn’t be able to sleep through these ones, so I told my husband that I couldn’t sleep and was going to have a cup of tea (I didn’t want to raise a false alarm!). I got up and lay on my left side on the couch with my tea. I read through some birth stories and watched my favorite birth videos on YouTube. I also talked to our little girl and told her that if she wanted to be born today it was ok, that she was very safe and we were going to be a good team. I started to time the pressure waves and they were 5-8 minutes apart and lasting 30-45 seconds.  I practiced my finger drop, as well as listened to the deepening hypnosis CD and the hypnotic childbirth 1 and 2 CDs. This continued until about 8:30. During that time I also had a shower, and watched the most gorgeous sunrise reveal a beautiful clear blue sky. I knew it was a perfect day for a birthday!

I woke up my husband at 8:30, telling him that he probably wasn’t playing his final basketball game that day, because we might be meeting our baby. Then I told him to keep sleeping as I was doing fine :) A few minutes later he emerged, commenting that it was a little hard to go back to sleep after something like that! We called my mom and told her that my husband would come get her and my little sister, but of course not to get their hopes up; it might not be the real thing! However, at this point I preferred to move through my pressure waves and was listening to the birthing day affirmations, switching with easy first stage, pressure waves were staying consistent and some were lasting up to 55 seconds.

At about 10:00 I started to make brownies to bring to our midwives but I never got to frosting them because I quickly lost all interest in my brownie project and really could care less!

Things continued like this until 3:00 pm. Pressure waves got longer and more intense. Never at any point did they feel unmanageable, and I felt totally peaceful and safe. My dearest husband was just THERE for anything. I was very active, moving from the fit ball, to all fours, to swaying in his arms, to standing and rocking. By about 12:30 I wasn’t playing hypnobabies tracks because I preferred the silence. Also, surprisingly I didn’t use my finger drop technique even though I had assumed I’d love it, because I preferred to be active through pressure waves. I had placed myself in center very early in the day though. It seemed like no time at all until my pressure waves were consistently 3 minutes apart and lasting 1 minute, and I think it was at this point that I started sighing through them very lightly. We decided to call the birth center and give them a heads up that we may be in within the next hour or so, and they were shocked by how calm both my husband and I were considering how close together the pressure waves were!

Things started changing. I was feeling a lot of pressure and I was also starting to feel tired. We decided I’d try lying on my side while my husband got together our last minute things. Lying down didn’t feel very good, and the pressure was continuing. So, we decided to go, it was close to 3:00 pm. I felt totally calm, and while intense the pressure waves felt totally manageable, and I think it was because I was so trusting of my body’s ability to do what it knew how to do. I felt no concern to evaluate what I was experiencing, or control it. Also, I found myself smiling after every wave, I felt so hopeful!

Even though we live a 5 minute drive from the hospital I had a pressure wave in the car and another in the parking lot! Amazingly, we were still calm entering the birth center and the midwives seemed surprised. They have a policy of not checking progress for a while, so I didn’t need to worry about that, and they just got us settled into a room. Things get a little fuzzy here. I was still totally active: standing, on the ball, or on all fours. I felt immense pressure and kept trying to go the bathroom. You would have thought I’d figure out there was nothing there!  I remember feeling that this wasn’t really very fun anymore and that I was very tired. Later my mom told me that she knew things were getting serious, as pressure waves were about 2 minutes apart and 90 seconds long. I hadn’t stopped moving the entire birthing time, so my husband and mom strongly encouraged me to lie down. Laying there on my left side I went through what I now know was transformation. I was shaking almost uncontrollably; my husband was using the peace cue and stroking my head lightly while my mom was applying a gloriously warm rice pack to my back. I counted backwards from ten in my head over and over, as well as visualized myself in a boat with no oars riding the waves up and down. I was still only lightly sighing through the pressure waves and felt calm.

All of a sudden I had huge amounts of rest time in between the pressure waves. I just kept my eyes closed and enjoyed my husband stroking my head and my mom rubbing my back. A little while later there was this “oh my goodness” physical push that had nothing to do with my mind and everything to do with my body just doing its thing. That involuntarily pushing continued for 3 more pressure waves, and when the midwife finally arrived, my water burst with what felt like a tremendous force. She quickly scurried out of the room to get the warm things for the baby (EXCLAMATION POINTS WENT OFF IN MY HEAD WHEN I HEARD THAT!), and when she came back asked if I’d like to move to a different position. We moved me to a kneeling position, leaning over the back of the bed. I will admit, at this point I felt a little panicky…and I expressed verbally that I felt frightened. I think saying it out loud allowed me to address that I felt afraid and then perhaps move forward from the fear. I was consistently reminding myself that the more relaxed I remained the easier it would be for my body to work. I was amazed how easy it was to convince myself to relax.

Pushing was not hard for me at all, in the sense that it came very naturally to me and my body was working so powerfully. Also, I had so effectively breathed our baby down through the pressure waves that I really only started pushing involuntarily when her head was literally right there. I will never forget how happy I felt when someone said, “Your baby has hair!” At the same time, I totally underestimated how hard work it was! I was sooo sweaty hot, and I kept asking if I was doing anything. Everyone kept saying, “oh yes, you are doing something!” My husband was there, kissing my head, holding my hand, and just being someone to look at when I was feeling overwhelmed. He was an incredible rock.

The feeling of pressure and stretching were not pain free (some hypnobabies mamas have pain free births). I think I said "ouch!" a few times, and I also found myself feeling so afraid of the next pressure wave because of how intense the pressure and stretching was. There came a point where I just had to decide that I was going to allow my body to work through what I was feeling and give it a little more personal effort as well.

The midwife (who was applying wonderful hot compresses!) said that in a few minutes she’d let me know to switch to short breathy pushes. However, I got it in my mind that I was all in and bore down powerfully. Out SHOT her head. The moment her head popped out was probably the most vocal I got because I was so shocked! I gave a little yell. Then, before I knew it her shoulders were out and then her body…and all I had to do was breath. In that moment, I forgot everything and immediately just wanted to hold our baby. I don’t remember, but apparently I was saying, “Hi baby, I’m your mama, I’m your mama!” Those were the words I’d uttered to her so many times as I practiced hypnobabies and met her in our special safe place. It was perfect, I cannot describe the relief. I was bloody, exposed, sweaty, flabby…and I didn’t care! I was in my husbands arms and my arms cradled our baby. Everything else was forgotten as I gazed at our perfect little Angel....

Mommy and Baby resting after our big adventure of birth!!!

 It was SUCH a beautiful birthday. 

In the next blog I have a few reflections on Liliana's birthday and the hypnobabies methodology. I hope you enjoy them and those of you preparing for some little Angel's birthday may find them helpful.

We love you! XOXO