Choosing Rest and Play

It has been a glorious Autumn here in Calgary. As I sit writing at our beautiful new little consigned desk the sun-rays shine with a gentle late afternoon glow and make everything seem warm and welcoming.

Joe, myself, and our children are in the blessed position of a having a little bit of time to breath. With our youngest almost two years old, a steady income, and a joyfully mundane reality - work, school, programs, early bedtime, cuddly mornings - we are taking a breath and re-defining the values that we want to be an integral part of our family culture.

I don't think my parents would be particularly offended if I share that in the later years of my childhood and adolescence we fell away from intentional rest and playtime as a family. One thing we are particularly and gloriously good at is beautiful family meals and joyful togetherness over meals, but as far as carefree timeless play as a family life got full and we did not do very much of it.

Our children need our example of the choice for rest and the choice for healthy playtime. We want these values to be ingrained in our children so that as they grow we are able to maintain family unity through these values.

We took an afternoon and escaped to the river, where there is no cell phone service and nothing for miles around. We fished, and cooked hot dogs over a fire. The children looked for little fish, Liliana and Joe wandered looking for treasure while Judah napped on my chest in the sun and I read. It was glorious. It seems to take an odd amount of effort to make such effortless days happen, but our hope is that as we do it more and more it will come more naturally to us.

As always with love and prayers for your joy,

A Boy and His Stuffies

I weaned Judah before we went to Las Vegas. He will be 2 in November. Judah LOVED nursing, day and night. He would choose milk over food any hour. I loved nursing him! I was getting very tired though, as he would want to eat all night long and he was tired and cranky because he was distracted by the fast food drive in sleeping in the same room as him. Weaning is sad. The little ones feel very sad but I think mommy feels more sad! There is something so wonderful about being able to take that quiet moment and snuggle.

However, life goes on, and we find other ways to cuddle and rest. In the meantime, Judah is sleeping like a log all night long (he usually wakes briefly once or twice and just wants to hold my hand for a minute), and I am starting to sleep better also! I think after over 4 years of being up many times in the night, it is hard to just sleep all night again...

The most darling thing about this change is Judah and his stuffed animals. After we read books and say prayers, I give him a kiss and say goodnight. We hear him blabbing away to his beloved stuffies for a few minutes. When it gets quiet, I tiptoe in and he is always sound asleep and snuggling with a few of them. They are very deliberately lined up, with his "Nunny" closest to him. Oh the minutes we lose just staring at our beautiful tender hearted boy with his little arm wrapped around his friends.

Please little boy, stay little! 

I say that with a sigh because I know you have to grow!

May you always have a pure and tender heart, 

and use your hands and arms to make and hold peace and beauty. 

How we love you, Judah!

With Love,

On Being Sick, Las Vegas, and My Best Friend

I can't believe it is the second half of September! The days are flying by but as I look out of our windows and see the yellow leaves beautifully radiant against the blue sky I am grateful for the change in season.

I have not yet written about Joe and I's little trip to Las Vegas, and afraid that the days will continue to fly and the memories fade, I wanted to jot them down here. We had not been away together, except for one quick night, since our children have joined us! The dreamer that I am, I'd literally been scouting out places for us to visit for over a year. We were going to celebrate both our 30th birthdays and our anniversary with the trip! However, with no holiday time for Joe and very busy grandparent babysitters, we settled for a quick but wonderful trip to Las Vegas. Personally, I'd been feeling so tired that I just wanted to eat breakfast in bed and sit by a nice pool sipping something tropical. 

As you see, I DID get breakfast in bed!

We also spent some wonderful time in the pool!

That week both of our children and Joe had a stomach virus. As always seems to happen, I didn't get it. I think that I am so stubborn that I refuse to get sick when my dear ones need me. The rule is though, as soon as you can get sick because no one is depending on you, you do! So, as soon as our flight took off I found myself wrapped around the plane toilet wishing that there was a cold floor to lay my feverish head on. I had to laugh and cry, knowing that we had budgeted so hard and planned so much for this trip and now here I was feeling so terribly!

I've read so many articles that say "my spouse is not my best friend," the point being that your spousal relationship is different from a friend relationship, and that you need both. This has always irked me a little, because in our case Joe is absolutely my best friend. I have many dear DEAR friends, but if I have a free night I want to be with Joe, if I have a suffering I want to share it with him, if there is adventure to be had, I cannot imagine it without him. I think that over the years this has actually protected our marriage, because neither of us has someone else who we would go to and talk about our problems. We go on dates, and conflict resolve over beer and chicken wings....and when the conflict is resolved we chink our glasses and have some fun. I digress, although in my mind it all makes sense.... (and not to tell anyone who has a spouse that isn't their best friend that my way is better, either, just different!)

It would have felt like a terrible tragedy to me if Las Vegas was meant to be a romantic getaway alone. When one has a stomach bug there is not much romance happening. However, as I sat there on the plane with my eyes closed praying that I would not have to use the bag Joe was holding open for me I actually laughed. "This is marriage", I thought, "rolling with the punches, making good times out of the tough, looking back with fondness over a moment that felt so hard you thought it might break you." While our room was beautifully luxurious with a bath big enough for two, the pool sprawling, the food tantalizing, the entertainment worth the dream, what sticks out to me is that somehow the reality always ends up trumping the fantasy. This is not what I would expect, considering that the fantasy is always, on paper, so wonderful. We adventured, and saw Vegas, and made the best of feeling only OK, but really the best time of the trip was sitting on our king sized bed in cuddly robes (well me, not him!), just being together. He is my dearest love and also my dearest friend, and it makes everything feel so easy as long as he is there. If I'm being entirely honest of course I would have chosen to not have the flu on our trip, but all things considered it was entirely wonderful. 

Anyhow, a few pictures from our time...

A cheesy throwback to our honeymoon, where we took pictures by the real Eiffel Tower!

Espresso at 10 pm? When you kiddos won't have you up at the crack of dawn, why not? Staying awake before seeing Cirque du Soleil

Joe was so amazed that he could smoke indoors that he asked me to take a picture of this moment

The view from our dinner table, it actually was very beautiful!

Thank you for reading, I close quickly to deal with my dearest ones who covered their little bodies with greasy nivea cream earlier today and desperately need bathtub time. Ah, reality!

With love,

Just Dropping In....

We have a whiteboard on our fridge that I use as a to-do list holder and a blog idea gathering place. Ideas that I want to capture and write about in this space are quickly jotted down in the midst of the hustle, as so often the best ideas emerge in a moment of domestic grace. The white-board is now overflowing with borders full of stories and thoughts I want to share and yet.....our summer has been so full, so blessed, so challenging....basically we have really been living and this poor space has remained neglected. Alas! C'est la vie! We are blessed!

Still, I don't want  to forget the glory of these days in all of their simplicity. I don't want to forget the wonder of my children at these specific ages and stag
es, nor the way I've marvelled at our marriage and what it is now after these 5 years that passed in a blink.

Liliana Joy, our eldest, our tenacious and feisty darling, our emotionally perceptive and incredibly imaginative daughter. What a summer this has been for you! You've grown like a sweet little weed, both physically and intellectually. I stand watching you sleep and marvel over this tall little girl with pierced ears who was once my 6.5 lb peanut. Similarly I marvel at you when you stomp away and yell that "I don't like you, I don't want you," or embarrass me in public with your crossed arms and pout.  'They' warned me the day would come when your daddy and I weren't all you needed in the world, but I didn't want to hear it. You start school this September. Again, I cannot imagine such a day has come. This summer you have absolutely amazed us with your athleticism. Whether it has been tenaciously hiking up mountains, running around our golf course, or morphing into a little fish during your swimming lessons, I shake my head and my heart swells with joy to see you SO HAPPY and so challenged.  You are such a good big sister to Judah, so tender and so deliberate in your inclusion of him. He literally worships the ground you walk on! 

You have a sweet love for Jesus and just now I am starting to search a little harder for resources to teach you more about our faith. You have a very real devotion to St. Michael the Archangel and find much comfort at night from faith in his protection. I smile to see the faith of a child, for whom Jesus is just so real and the concept of faith is so natural. We yearn to foster a faith and a deep love in you of what is good, true, and beautiful. I wonder aloud to your daddy how we will accomplish this as we send you off to school. I worry (because I worry always) about all that you'll be exposed to, but your solid-as-a-rock father reminds me that we work very hard to prepare you to be a light.  Oh how we love you!

Canmore, a perfect place for a hiking fairy princess church-goer....

Such a sweet sister, a tender moment captured

***melt***

I love capturing these moments when they don't know I see them....look at those beautiful earrings :)

Judah David, you are so, so darling! You are our incredibly determined, intelligent, musical, temper-filled, sensual and affectionate sweetheart. Because the many months after your birth were so difficult for me and such a blur, I look at you now and just want to snatch you to my heart. Something about a sweet boy's love for his mama, you just love me so much. You have had such a happy summer. You fell in love with your Nonna and Papa who were visiting from Texas and are at the perfect age to remember them with much nostalgia. You just loved every moment with them! You are at that magical age where you are simultaneously a little boy and baby, both so so needy and so desiring independence. I just weaned you which was very sad for me and very dramatic for you, but you were truly addicted and I never got any sleep with your acrobatic nursing so, alas, another chapter closes. However, with each chapter closing a new one opens and new for you is that your daddy is the coolest person in the whole world. You are absolutely OBSESSED with motorcycles, helicopters, and balls of any sort. You've developed so much over this summer, from your vocabulary explosion, to your physical ability, to your overnight self-toilet-training! There was something magical about watching you learn how to jump on the trampoline. One day you couldn't leave the ground, and the next you were flying. Hearing you laugh as you took in the new experience made my heart want to explode. Your daddy and I face the challenge of balancing your extreme attachment to me with our need to be united and your need to learn that you aren't the centre of the universe. We will get there, I hope! You absolutely adore your sister. She is quite literally foremost on your mind at all times. We melt over the fact that whenever we offer you anything your first concern is that Liliana is also considered and taken care of. What a little gentleman you already are. Oh, how we love you!

Look at that tall slender little boy! 

His first haircut, which he was very solemn for!
I was afraid his curls would disappear but thank goodness they are still here!

Playing "house"...best buds!

 (singing for mama in a whisper at the optometrist)

I have much to write about my Love Joseph and the celebration of our 5th wedding anniversary, complete with stomach flu on the airplane and how the reality with all of its messiness is so much better than the fantasy. 

Alas, reality calls and dinner must be prepared. It is meet the teacher night at Liliana's preschool (GULP!). As always, with prayers and much love,

Our Own Lil' Puppy Dog

Because I don't want to forget....

He is in the most darling phase where he absolutely adores his big sister. The days have been so hot he spends most of them in his underwear, walking around the house calling out "Weeedeeee" (Lily) or "Ryyyyyraaaa" (Lyla). Truly, truly he is like the world's most adorable little puppy dog, 2 steps behind his big sister and imitating everything she does.

Conversely, she is so caring! I stumbled upon them yesterday planting flowers. She had equipped them both with sand shovels. They had picked flowers from my pots and killed them by transplanted them into the dirt. There he was, crouched next to her, imitating her every move. There they were, covered in dirt from head to toe and so satisfied with their good work. I couldn't be angry, I could only melt and praise their beautiful gardening.

An oldie but goodie, she cares so much for him!

"Take me with you, Ryra!"

A scene from yesterday's play...
"don't bother us mama! We are having a slumber party!"

Judah thinks that everything Liliana does is so wonderful and so funny! He would follow her to the moon if he could. These are the little things that fill my hear to overflowing. How blessed we are!

With love on this Monday,

In Our Kitchen

Hello Friends!

Is your Monday evening as hot and sticky as ours? I've already been in to comfort and resettle our littlest one twice since he has been to sleep (in one hour!) because we northerners are simply not used to such hot June nights. That said, we are not complaining! Seldom can my children play in our shady backyard in their bathing suits but today they frolicked gleefully!

Speaking of frolicking gleefully....

A fun Sunday trip to Nanny's land in Turner Valley...
heaven for little one's with imaginations! (note that L
had turned herself into a monkey by covering her body with mud) I LOVE her!

It has been a couple of weeks since resolution gratitude and joy, and as tends to happen with all sincere resolutions life has seemed challenging! Each day has had it's own particular challenge exacerbated by a teething toddler who nurses all.night.long but certainly my temptation has been to dissolve into the doldrums or dissolve my sorrows in a very large glass of prosecco. For the most part I've been able to avoid both and find a small victory in the fact that I've remembered to make a conscience act of gratitude several times each day. I've also managed to intentionally turn several mundane tasks into gifts of love for my family and for God. Onwards and upwards!

On a night as hot and sticky as this it is hard to want to spend time over a hot stove, but with luck I've discovered a dish that takes little effort, makes minimal mess, is healthy disguised by de-e-liciousness, and my dearlings devour. I thought for something different I'd share with you just how easy Vietnamese spring rolls are!

Typically I just use any veggies I have in my fridge, but the essential element for us is mint. Anything else is easily substituted for. I cook chicken at the beginning of each week for my handsome man to have whenever he needs a snack, so I just use the chicken, wash the veggies, and cook the rice vermicelli noodles (which take 4 minutes!).

I lay everything out (usually on the clean tea-towel I had used to dry the lettuce) and then very quickly dip the rice wrap in water for 5 seconds, place it next to my assembly line, and pile up all the healthy goodness onto it. The key is, for me, to make sure the rice wrap is still a little bit hard when I pull it out of the water. This gives me time to assemble all of the ingredients and not have it falling apart in my hand when it comes time to wrap it. (disclaimer! I am not a food blogger or a photographer just a simple mama trying to show you one of our favourites!)

The counter is also clean :)

I quickly whisk together a peanut satay sauce using a tried and true recipe that we so enjoy! It is a little bit spicy so the kids usually dip their wraps into hoisin sauce, although they always want a taste.

Soooo yummy!

This is how Judah starts with his spring rolls

And there you have it, the most delicious and quite nutritious dinner for a hot night. Follow with a watermelon and mint smoothie, and (in my children's opinion) you've just eaten like a king!

This is how Judah finishes with his spring rolls -
so in his case he probably eats more like the king of the wild things!

Here is a more detailed description of how to make Vietnamese spring rolls (with much nicer photos!). If you try to make them, I hope your family loves them as much as ours does!

Do you have any go-to summer recipes that are time, budget, and kid friendly? I'd love to hear them!

Love and blessings to you on this night,

30: Hopes and Dreams

Hopes and dreams. Is it not woven into the fabric of every human heart to dream? Is it not part of our human existence to be restless? In the weeks and months leading up to 30 a curious thing happened, which is that all of my more superficial hopes and dreams (travel, fitness, family) became rolled up into one neat little package. As I looked at my life and how it was speeding by, as I examined my tendency to melancholy, as I witnessed tragedy in the life of many near and far, it became clear to me that for all the list making I may do nothing is certain. And so, while it is good to have those dreams and lists, my deep hope for 30 became a dream of being. 

A happy family moment of being last month in Canmore
Oh, how she loves him! How he loves her!

My dream for 30 is to live each moment with a pervasive sense of gratitude, understanding that the joy I so desire is tightly bound to seeing the world with eyes of thanksgiving. My fear of time passing is abolished when I seek to make each moment pregnant with a grateful heart. Mysteriously, the moment pauses and hangs there to be revelled in when it is acknowledged with intentionality. I dream that my own grateful heart can only do one thing, which is point me to the Giver of the gift. May my life in 30 be more and more one in which the Giver is centre of all else.

How can one not contemplate the Giver of such a gift
(in and out of the chariot!).

These ideas have come from two books that I've been reading. Seeking First the Kingdom and One Thousand Gifts couldn't have come at a better time. I highly recommend them both, but for a general audience especially One Thousand Gifts. It is a life changing meditation on the healing power of gratitude.

I wanted to quote One Thousand Gifts to close this simple post. Ann Voskamp's eloquent words about overcoming the fear of time's fleeting nature by holding onto each moment with thanks are a perfect way to start today.

I don't really want more time. I just want enough time. Time to breath deep and time to see real and time to laugh long, time to give You glory and rest deep and sing joy and just enough time in a day not to feel hounded, pressed, driven, or wild to get it all done - yesterday.... 

Time is a relentless river. It rages on, a respecter of no one. And this, this is the only way to slow time. When I fully enter time's swift current, enter into the current moment with the weight of all my attention, I slow the torrent with the weight of me all there. I can slow the torrent by being all here. I only live the full life when I live fully in the moment. And when I'm always looking for the next glimpse of glory, I slow and enter. And time slows. Weigh down this moment in time with attention full, and the whole of time's river slows, slows, slows... 

Giving thanks for one thousand things is ultimately an invitation to slow time down with the weight of full attention. In this space of time and sphere I am attentive, aware, accepting the whole of the moment, weighing it down with me all here....Really? Give thanks and get time? Give thanks....slow time down with all of your attention - and your basket of not-enough-time multiplies into more than enough time... 

The real problem of life is never a lack of time. The real problem of life- in my life - is lack of thanksgiving. I am a mother-tired, but when my soul doth magnify, my time doth magnify....I redeem time from neglect and apathy and inattentiveness when I swell with thanks and weigh the moment down and it's giving thanks to God for this moment that multiplies the moments, time made enough. - Ann Voskamp One Thousand Gifts

Stay moment, stay!

May your Sunday be filled with joy!

With love,

The Best of 20...

30. Today I am 30 and I am excited! People warned me that it would be the worst birthday yet, the hardest. A new decade. Officially "gettin up there." So far that is not true at all!

I was initially thinking I'd spend time in this space writing about the lessons of my 20s. The good, bad and ugly. Looking through photos of the last decade (eeps!), I thought instead maybe I'd share some of my favorite memories of my 20s and write a follow up post on my dreams for 30. As I said, I'm excited and oh, so grateful. While I learned many lessons and certainly had tough moments in my 20s I am more eager to remember the most positively life-changing moments, and focus on the hopes and dreams in my heart for the next years....

You are warned, so many photos!!!

At Ave Maria University I fell in love with philosophy and learned what Christian adult friendships look like....I still love these women so much!

After a brief and very difficult time in Vancouver (focusing on the positives here), I moved to LA to live and work. Again, the people I met, the friends I hold dear in my heart forever, are what stay with me. We had so many happy moments together!

In between my time in LA and moving to Dallas to finish my degree I took a pilgrimage to Fatima, Portugal on my own. It was the trip of a lifetime, and certainly life changing.  I want to go back there with our family!

The same summer as Portugal I moved to Dallas. I will never forget how alone and afraid I felt that first night in my new apartment at yet another brand new university. Fast forward a few months and I was so enjoying my studies, going on my first date with a handsome baseball player, and well....the rest is history! My time in Dallas was so very happy. I feel nostalgic for it to this day!

Our first picture together ever :)

The summer before my last year at UD Joe proposed to me. What a moment that was! Our wedding was simple but sacred, and honeymooning in Italy on the Amalfi coast can only be described as a dream. What a blessed and blissful whirlwind that year was!

One month after our honeymoon ended we moved to Australia with a few thousand dollars to our name, no jobs, and no place to live. Joe was going to pursue basketball and I my masters. What a dream it was to see him play a sport he loves so deeply. We lived so simply, we were so so poor, but still the memories of that time make our hearts full. I hope we can take our children back to visit one day!

Becoming a mama and the magical experience of pregnancy was a powerful chapter in my 20s. I will never forget how I felt about the little ones growing in me...how I would spend hours dreaming of them, singing to them, loving them. Life changing to say the least!

38 weeks pregnant with Liliana

Liliana helped us document Judah's growth

The births of both of our children were beautiful and sacred. The experience of birth is so transformative and so incredibly powerful. To see them baptised shortly after their births and then spend these years learning to be their mama has been such a gift. Two little ones, my hearts, walking around outside of my body and making it so that I must overcome my selfishness and ego to love and learn with them. WOW! I am so glad we didn't wait to welcome children into our marriage!

Liliana's birth at a birth centre in Melbourne

Liliana's baptism

Judah's beautiful home waterbirth

Judah's baptism in Calgary

One of my favorite "new mama" photos...Liliana was 6 weeks old. I can just tell how happy I was!

To see my love become the amazing father that he is...breathtaking. His creativity, fierce protection, tender devotion, playfulness, sacrifice have appeared in a new and pronounced way since fatherhood happened. It sounds cliche but I fall in love with him more and more deeply as I witness him loving our wee ones. In a similar way, to see my children be each other's siblings makes my heart want to explode. Oh the gift that a sibling is.

Joe and Liliana in Maui

Witnessing my parents and Joe's parents become grandparents was a highlight of my 20s without a doubt. Not only has their love for my children deepened my love for and relationship with them, but I see the immense gift their love is to my darlings.  Not only this, but I don't know what we'd do without their guidance. 

As my siblings and I grow into adulthood, our friendship grows as well. I am so grateful for the deep friendships I have with them, and the fun we still have together.  I am humbled by the men and women they are and the way they love me. I am excited to see what the decades bring for us.

Last but not least, my 20s would not have been what they were without our many happy family vacations to Maui. Maui is a place where my soul rests and also a place where it soars. The beauty is palpable and turns my heart to better things. It was such a gift to introduce such a place to my Love and our wee ones and to see them revel in its beauty also. I pray we can go back one day.

Joe's first trip to Maui when we were engaged!

Our last trip to Hawaii, Judah was 4 weeks old

Phew! So there you have it. This exercise has been such a lesson for me in gratitude. Would you believe that I initially felt like there had been more hard lessons than joyful lessons in my 20s? Perhaps if I made a list there would be. But when I look at these photos and read this words, I cannot help but feel that I am absolutely undeserving of all the joy these 10 years have held. I am reminded of the idea that it's not happy people who are grateful, it's grateful people who are happy. Hmmm, a theme for 30? Maybe so!

With love,