Why Blog?

The other day I read a comment from a friend on social media. It was something to the effect of, "I've not ever gotten on the blogging train, I mean, why would I want to read someone's diary?"

This comment really did get me thinking. Why do I blog? Why do I share so many things, lots of them quite intimate, with a random crowd? Certainly I started our blog to share our adventures in Australia as newlyweds with family and friends, but as life has evolved so has this blog. So now, what is it and why do I blog?

I started with the process of elimination.

I am not a fashionista (although I can't pretend that I don't often wish I was....oh vanity how I need to work on you!), this is not a fashion blog.

While I almost daily show people that I love them by feeding them healthy and delicious food, I do not take pictures of beautifully sliced, carefully measured, and gloriously presented dishes ergo this is not a food blog.

I am not a business woman, nor an intellectual, and my blog is seldom a place where I share business ideas or intellectual thoughts. (I think I am too much of a coward, I cringe and get stomach aches reading debates on social media that I am not even a part of). While I am in charge of the business of our home and I certainly think about many perplexing issues, due to my intense fear of conflict this is not a business or a philosophy blog.

 Am I a mommy blogger? I don't think so. My blog is pieced together, with no fancy tabs, awesome headers, give-aways, or sponsors. My children are certainly not dressed in amazing trendy etsy purchased clothing and I do not throw incredible to die for parties on an intensely low budget....thank you Mommy bloggers for inspiring me in so many ways!

This isn't a Catholic blog either, for while I often share bits and pieces of our faith life I am by no means a model of Catholic motherhood, education, tradition, or understanding. I am still learning and discovering. 

So then why, oh why, do I blog?

When I really get to the heart of it, I think there are two main reasons. 

The first is that I blog for my husband and our children. I honestly hope that one day my children will read my words and know, without a doubt, that they are loved. I hope they will smile at their silly mama who gushed over them and fussed over them and tried so hard to love them well. I hope they will be reminded of joy in the little moments, even the hard ones.  I hope that my husband is proud as he reads my words and knows that his wife adores him, even when she is too consumed with the little moments of life to say it enough. Of course, this extends then to our relatives far away who don't get to witness the little moments of joy and struggle. This is an easy way for me to share our lives with them, and one that is natural to me.

However, I also blog because I hope that in some small way my stories touch hearts. I try to take this gift to put thoughts into words and write in such a way that someone reading them can identify with the human experience and be touched and left happier or better. I've always loved to write, and I question often how I can, from my little house with my little loves, do some good for those around me and our world. Perhaps blogging is one of those ways.

Our life is far from perfect, and I don't want to give the impression that it is. I just want to be real and above all to write from a place of love, joy, and hope! If, in some small way I can convey a message of love, joy, and hope to another soul, I will be a happy woman.

Blessings on this snowy winter night!

xoxo

Judah David Turns One

I woke up this morning and glanced over at the little person next to me. With his round face, curly blond hair, long eyelashes, and cheeks flushed with sleep he looked so precious. I wanted to pull him into me and cover his little face with kisses. I remembered the morning, just one year ago, waking up to the tiny swaddled bundle next to me and having the same sentiment of overwhelming love. How is it, handsome son of ours, that you are already one year old?

"Um Mama, there is a problem here, and it is that I am not in your arms!"

We celebrated your birthday last night with a simple but fun family dinner. Big sister and I had such a fun time decorating the house in dinosaurs and scurrying about trying to get everything clean. We kept saying to you, "this is how much we love you, Judah!" as we mopped the floor and dusted everywhere. Of course, you were in your favourite place, my arms, as I scrubbed. You've mastered the art of clinging to me and lifting your legs high off the ground if I try to set you down. It sure is exhausting toting you around, but it makes my heart so full having your little self stuck to me.

 We had such a happy night celebrating your life. Looking around the room at all of the joy filled faces, it became so apparent to me (yet again) that even though the first year of your life was a very helpless year, the gift you gave to those around you by your very presence was above and beyond what we were able to give you. You made our hearts stretch and grow, you challenged our generosity, loved unconditionally, forgave instantly, infused joy into every circumstance despite how difficult it was. You, Judah David, are such a gift to us and to the world. Thank you!

"This is totally not as fun as you told me it'd be, mama!"

A perfect new toy from Grandad and Lolli!

Eyes of love for Lolli

There are so many things I want to remember about you this year. I just can't get enough of your beautiful little self - your incredible facial expressions, the way you start dancing anytime music hits your ears, how you absolutely adore your big sister, your ravenous appetite, the way you curl up close to us when you are sleeping and don't let go, and your intense need to hold onto anything that looks like a stick.

"What in heavens name is happening here?" 

"Oh, this is what all that hubbub was about...ok, very worth it!"

You are, in every way, so loveable and so loved. Thank you, dearest son, for everything that you are. We are so excited to see the ways in which you grow this year! You can already, among other things, say mama, dada, Liliana, and alleluia (who would have thought!). You are so very close to walking, and you stand at the window several times each day screeching to be let loose outside. You absolutely love putting straws in lids, caps on containers, blocks on top of each other. You are such a joy, Judah, we love you so much!

We are humbled and grateful that we have been entrusted the gift of beautiful little you to teach, protect, and guide towards heaven. Happy Birthday, Critter.

Love always Mama, Daddy, and Liliana

Remembering....

Remembering, with a slightly achy but joyfully overflowing heart....

- feverishly keeping our home clean as we waited with baited breath for our son. A nightly vacuum and mop, scrubbed counters, clutter gone, towels piled and the pool blown up downstairs, a teensy hat set aside

- holding my sweet daughter a little closer knowing that soon she would be a big sister and that the simplicity of our days as a family of three would be changed

- talking to our unborn baby every night telling him how we couldn't wait to meet him

- looking at my big belly in the mirror and dreaming of the teeny person inside, not knowing what he looked like or who he would be, and wondering if I'd ever look or feel like myself again (if I'm being entirely honest!)

- the first flutters of excitement in my heart when I thought "today might be the day!"

- sending L out the door to her grandparents and wishing I could snatch her up and hold her forever

- dancing in the dark kitchen through contractions, telling our boy I loved him and that he was very safe

- feeling utterly and perfectly connected to my handsome husband as we awaited our babe together and he anticipated my every need

- a flurry of excitement when our midwives arrived, midnight, snow falling, baby coming SOON

- the intense, utter, gut wrenching, life changing love I had for our son the moment I scooped him up out of the water and held him in my arms

- the sweet sounds newborn Judah made - no crying or screaming, just darling little 'bleating' noises

- being unable to sleep that night....tucked in bed by our midwives after a glass of champagne and piece of banana bread....he's mine? he's ours? how is this possible? how are we so blessed?

"Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of love.” (Maureen Hawkins)

I can't believe our sweet Judah is 1 year old in just two days. Where has the year gone? 

xoxo

Enough

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.' I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9

We have had an interesting first four years of marriage. Jetting off to Australia with 5000 dollars cash to our name and a hotel for 5 days, a daughter born there, a return to Canada only to live in my parent's basement as Joe waited for status, working for a start up company...by no means are we the poster family for "be established and secure before getting married and starting a family."

For sure throughout the course of our marriage I have often wondered "will there be enough?". On its most basic level this has had to do with enough money to get by. However, as a wife and mother I often ask the same question with regards to time, energy, patience, LOVE. "Will there be enough?"

It has been astounding to me that, if we are doing our utmost to love always and do the right thing, the answer is always YES. The most startling thing about our life, as I look back over these years, is that if we dare to love greatly, BEYOND OUR MEANS, we are never left wanting.

In Australia, soon after moving there and yet feeling called to be open to a new life in the midst of all, we found ourselves expecting a baby and wondering what the next step was. I wondered, have we risked too much? Was our openness reckless? Do we have enough to get by? Within weeks we had been given a gorgeous granny-flat for next to no rent in one of the most desirable locations. Of course, we still had to work hard to make ends meet but we were so secure and cared for. Not only this, but my prenatal care was entirely covered by the Australian government. We experienced incredible midwife care and a birth centre birth. There was far more than enough, there was an abundance.

For most of our married life we've had very little as far as savings and income goes. There have been a few moments where I felt legitimate fear over how to make our next grocery shop happen and started sorting through our belongings to sell those things that we don't need (a very healthy exercise by the way!). Oftentimes in those moments we have also felt called to certain acts of simple generosity; whether it be hosting friends for dinner, providing a meal for someone sick or in need, buying a gift, travelling to see family because we knew how much it would mean to them, or lending money to someone who could not get by without. Sometimes we've wondered, in retrospect, whether these decisions were most prudent. Without question, each time we have acted in generosity beyond our means, we have somehow come upon money or groceries in abundance.

This blog post is not an ad for reckless spending or imprudent lending, but it is a reflection on our efforts to live abundantly in generous love. I can so easily apply these lessons to how I love my husband and how we love our children. SO many days I wake exhausted and wondering where the energy will come from to love deeply, to read, sing, play, dance....and then to do all of the normal things like cook, clean, bathe, or I don't know, think? Those days where I ruminate and pity my self are the days where the energy is limited and the patience seems short. Those days where I dig deep and seek abundant living are the days where there is enough! 

With this comes the important and humbling realization that I am weak and I need grace to be the wife, mother, and friend I am called to be. On my own, I really can't do it, but if I forge ahead with love, Love Himself will make much out of my little.

I have experienced this lesson over and over, and yet still I doubt. Still there are days where fear and anxiety propel me, consequently restricting my ability to love those around me with generosity and selflessness. Yet on those days when hope, peace, and TRUST motivate me, when I accept that alone I can do nothing, when I place my trust in a good God who supplies my every need and calms my every fear, those are the days when there is enough.

Onwards and upwards, right little Judah?
There is certainly enough cuteness to go around these days!!

xoxo