Our beautiful
baby boy’s birthday began the morning of November 14th. It became
very clear to me, after many days of anxiety, that I couldn’t tell him that it
we were ready to meet him until I let go of my fears, insecurities and need for
control/perfection. With our first baby, I truly believe that her peaceful
entry into the world had tons to do with allowing my body and my baby to work
together, without injecting fear or tension into the process with my
over-active brain! I knew that this would be the key to a beautiful birthday
for Judah, and so, over and over that morning I listened to Audrey Assad’s “I
Shall Not Want.” My sweet 2 year old and I had such a happy morning together, and peacefully I lay down for a
nap telling Judah that we were ready and excited to meet him.
I didn’t sleep
well because I was having light contractions, which really meant nothing to me
due to the fact that I’d had weeks of light contractions! We happily just played around
the home as I tidied just in case and kept an eye on consistency of the
contractions. They were coming regularly and started coming closer together but
no more intensely! Around 4 pm I decided to have a bath and half glass of wine,
knowing that if this was false labor it would stop! When it didn’t stop
them I allowed myself to feel a small twinge of excitement and continued on.
Around 5:30 I
called my midwives just to give them a heads up that contractions were around 5
minutes apart just in case they had 3 other ladies in labor too (they didn't)! I could talk
through them, though and had no sense of needing to be “checked.”
We started getting Liliana ready to
go to her grandparents, just in case. Oh, my heart felt slightly broken sending
her out the door. She was so excited to go to Lolli
and Grandads and innocently asked, “you not coming Mama?” "No sweetie, I’m not,
I will see you soon though!" I packed her away with birthday cake makings for
her baby brother. She made an absolutely beautiful mess of a cake and we’ve
enjoyed it since J
7:30 pm I called
the midwives again as contractions were 3 -5 minutes apart but totally
manageable….again I told them no need to come check! I will never forget how
pleasant it was, being with just my love in the comfort of our own home. He was
working away on his computer and I was quietly moving about the home telling
myself to “open, open, open,” with every contraction. In contrast to my first
labor, where all I wanted was quiet and stillness….I had the sense that this
baby needed movement. Thus it was that I danced, quietly in our kitchen, for
hours. I had to stop and breath through contractions but I didn’t want anyone’s
help. It was just Judah and I, working together towards his birth, with my
darling husband there in case I needed him! I will always remember what it was
like swaying there, imagining his little face and wanting to meet him soooo
badly!
Just before 11
pm my mom called and advised me to lay down and try to sleep. In her wisdom she
knew that if this little boy was coming nothing would stop him but that if I
needed to rest I could. I felt discouraged that maybe he wasn’t coming even
though it had been hours of moderate work J However, I whispered a prayer of surrender and I lay down
Immediately I
was hit by 2 doozies, and I mean doozies! I was there trying to gain some semblance of the peace and control I had maintained until I finally willed myself out of my bed to alert Joe. He called my mom and
the midwives and they were all on their way. Thank goodness he had already set
up the pool in our living room and had the hose all ready to go to fill it up!
I was shaking with adrenaline, and needed Joe for counter pressure. He warmed
up the rice bag for my abdomen and put nice strong counter pressure on my back.
All I could do during each contraction was tell baby Judah that I loved him,
over and over and over. Joe whispered “peace” to me.
With the arrival
of my mom, sisters, and midwives came a flurry of activity, especially when I
told them that I was feeling some pressure. Joe quickly started filling the
pool and for the first time I was checked. 7-8 cms and baby was right there,
our midwife told me. I asked her if she could feel if he had hair. She laughed
and said no, and then hustled off to set up all of their equipment. Everything
you could possibly need, medically, was there waiting just in case. There is
something so hopeful about that moment in labor when you see the little hats
and blankets warming there….knowing that soon they will be on YOUR baby! My
sisters were on hot water duty, filling and refilling pots to add to the pool.
They were invaluable!!
The intensity of
the pressure and contractions was overwhelming. I kept telling Judah I loved
him as each contraction brought me to my knees, and I imagined myself climbing
a mountain knowing that the peak meant I could come down and rest. I labor
silently, just breathing, and so Joe watched intently knowing immediately when
I needed him and continuing with counter pressure. My mom held the warm rice
bag on my abdomen so I could just focus.
Finally I could
get in the water and OH it felt sooooo good. It was so soothing and made the
contractions so much less intense! I only had a few contractions in the pool
until I started feeling pushy. It was such a distinct change. I still had to
climb the mountain but then on the way down it really was like descending down
because my body just started bearing down! I was chanting to myself (in my
head) “down down and out like a slide.” I was imagining little man just sliding
down and out, willing my body to be open for him. I just stayed in the position
that felt good, which was on my hands and knees with my head resting on the
side of the pool. The first real pushing contraction my water broke and it was
such relief. The second pushing contraction his head was born (ouch!) and our
amazing midwife told me to just rest and next contraction we would have a baby!
I felt his little shoulders, arms, and legs slither out as she passed him
straight through my legs and into my arms. My arms were the first to ever hold
him, and I will never forget that moment. “Hi baby, hi baby, hi baby!!!.” My
heart was bursting with love!
We just sat
there, as he made hardly a peep and we kept him warm with the lovely water
(which was basically guck free! I was happy about that). The cord pulsed for a
long time as I basked in the total happiness of holding my little prize and
everyone oooing and ahhhing and praising. Once it stopped pulsing Godmama
Jocelyn cut it, and I was helped out of the tub, still holding little man to my
chest. Taken to my own bed, I was checked for tears (none!) and then just
tucked in. How glorious!! The whole time my sweet son never left my chest, and
we all just admired him. The amazing midwives checked Judah out, his apgars
were 9 and 10, and then cleaned up! They even put laundry in. What a gift! They
had arrived just before midnight, baby was born at 1:05 am, and after a
champagne toast and slice of banana bread they were gone by 3:30. Joe and I
were left to admire our beautiful new baby and go to sleep. What a birthday,
what a memory, how blessed we are!!
Judah David Packard
6 lbs 10 ounces
20.25 inches
November 15, 2013
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