Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Nothing's New

I tiptoe out of our children's bedroom, wincing as the ever squeaking doors break the silence,  I am half asleep thanks to the lulling effect of prayer time and snuggle time. I trip over a dump-truck in the hall way and sigh as I collect odds and sods from Liliana's creative play draped here there and everywhere. Depending on the night I settle next to Joe to watch the news or maybe The Voice and fold copious amounts of laundry, leaving it for the next day to put away. Chances are it will wait 2 or 3 days.

...

I stare out of our window as I watch our children shriek and play, my hands immersed in the soapy dishwater, a perfect vantage point. I wince as one of them falls or one of them screams at the other, pausing a moment to see if I have to make my way to them or if they can dust themselves off. My heart thrills to watch them, their sweet little bodies and blonde heads. My mind wanders to more babies and maybe a trampoline for the backyard if we can find an affordable one.

...

I find something new that is desperately in need of a clean. The inside of the microwave, the baseboards, the fridge, the bathroom. It never ends. I think how nice it would be if the day came that for just one hour everything was perfectly clean and I did not feel constant pressure for one more thing and one more thing. I know undoubtedly that if I prioritize an at-home workout the dust bunnies will taunt me from underneath the furniture.
...

Joe and I are busy and tired, we kiss each other softly as we wake to the quiet of the morning and sit beside each other as we say our prayers or do some reading. Each of our days has a rhythm and rhyme that is it's own and yet intertwined with the other, and every so often the day is capped off with a date. We love each other deeply and flirt through the day, and every so often we feel a little annoyed with each other. Yet we never ever go to bed angry, and I always find deep peace as we fall asleep, reaching over and putting my hand in his.

It was fun being the coaches wife! Busy, but truly fun!
...

I chip way at bad habits. Sometimes I stare at the ceiling in the middle of the night trying to make peace with the moments I lost my temper and berated a child, or gave Joe the cold shoulder, or should have denied myself that extra glass of wine and did not, or was lazy.

Truly, how could I ever be angry at these two goofs, right? I have no idea what game they were playing here!
...

We make lists, we dream, we scheme for simple family vacations. We peel back our layers and expose our wounds and faults, we work together for growth. Our children grow and thrive, 3/4 of the time we marvel at just how amazing they are and 1/4 of the time we wonder if our little blessings will send us to the loony bin and I feverishly seek out a parenting book for advice. 100 percent of the time, though, we cannot imagine our life without them. We pay bills, chip away at debt, do house repairs, pray cars last but a little longer, go to church, teach, clean, feed, kiss,  stress, learn, pray REPEAT.

Tender daily moments, sometimes a little one
just needs to be snuggled to sleep!
Daddy helping Liliana soar!

Important life lessons being learned every day :)
Nothing's new, the weeks and days blend into each other, each scenario I just described is a scenario on repeat in our house.

In the past I've felt odd when someone asks me , "how are things with you?" or "what's new?" and I have absolutely nothing to report other than, "things are really good, busy but happy, nothing new to report!"

Until it occurred to me that nothing new is a blessed reality. It seems we are conditioned to think that life is more meaningful when it is dramatic, so much so that we go out of our way to create drama for ourselves. At least for me, social media is a contributor to this because I see bits and pieces of everybody's charmed life without seeing any of the messy bits. I am guilty of this myself.

And yet, all around me there are families met by tragedy....sick children, sick mamas, daddy's with out work, deceased spouses, natural disaster, mental illness, marital problems....the list goes on and on. For these people there is lots of drama, and I'm sure they would give almost anything to have it turn back to the boring old of nothing new.

Mysteriously and beautifully, when I resign myself to the fact that nothing new is a blessed reality, my eyes opened to see the little miracles that make each day new and each moment fresh. Sure, we play in our back yard every day but my children's minds are growing and expanding so rapidly that they are always discovering something magical.  The mess is steady but seasons have changed and now instead of muddy bootprints we have dirty hand prints on the wall from digging in the garden in search of lady bugs.

Seeking little gratitudes and little miracles opens my eyes to the two little robins flirting in the yard, the books my husband is finishing that are contributing so greatly to his maturation and manly strength, a new workout conquered each day that helps me feel stronger and more confident, a new vocabulary word for one of our children. Each day, in all of its mundane, is filled with new miracles, little miracles, miracles entirely lacking drama yet contributing beautifully to our family's story.

And so nothing is new, and yet everything is.

May your day be full of little miracles,

xoxo










Saturday, April 16, 2016

SIblings, Flowers, Gardens, Road Trips

A couple of weeks ago, defying all the careful, methodical, and cautious aspects of my temperament I hopped in the car with Judah and my sister Anna to make the 8 hour road trip to Spokane. I had felt entirely torn about the whole thing, because Judah had been sick with the flu, Liliana currently had it, money was short, and Joe was busy with work. It just felt like the wrong time, but then is there ever a right time to put life on hold?



It strikes me that perhaps that is what makes these sorts of adventures so wonderful. Because we have intentionally put life on hold we can be truly in the moment while real life outside of our happy bubble spins, waiting for us to enter back in (maybe a little dizzy from the re-entry).

We met my sisters Jocelyn and Eve, and Eve's babe Sophia for a simple happy weekend of sistering....slow mornings over coffee in pyjamas, walks, dark chocolate, vino, sappy movies, face masks. FUN!















"Sisters are different flowers from the same garden."

This anonymous and slightly cheesy quote kept bouncing around in my head as we spent the weekend together. We are so similar, and we are so different. Our differences help us balance each other out, give objective perspective, supply support and encouragement. Our similarities as sisters mean that we know each other in a unique way, different than anyone else (even a spouse!) could. We just get it - even when we don't quite understand why someone behaves with their special little neuroses (kidding not kidding), we still get them and oh how we still love them to the moon and back.

I want to thank my parents over and over for having a big family. Siblings are such a gift!!!  Here I am though, in the early stages of a young family and I see that they are also hard work! To be open to new life, aware of how it changes everything in these tunnel years, is admittedly frightening.

A new baby means new routines (or lack there-of), new physical/mental/emotional struggles, new expenses, new challenges, new behaviors, new fears for the future. It means more humility, more mess, more poop, more mouths, more exhaustion, more insecurity. YET the new JOY outweighs anything else. The new HOPE for this little person's life is palpable. The inexplicable LOVE AND INCREASE OF SPACE IN OUR HEARTS drowns out any of the other challenges.  The gift of a sibling to siblings is immeasurable and irreplaceable. And, as the siblings grow and blossom into adulthood, the friendships cannot be compared to anything else. Not to mention, who doesn't love their very own cheer leading squad as they navigate these murky waters of young adulthood?

So, here is to you - Jocelyn, Eve, Luke, Vincent, and Anna. Your lives are gifts, I'm so glad you exist. Thank you for being uniquely you in our family. I love you!

XOXO