Taming the Wild Things

A warm hello to you on this beautiful sunny Sunday. Our weekend has been filled with playtime, popsicles, new flowers, ladybugs, and many many baths. I pray yours has been just as wonderful!

I hope you like the new look and title of our blog! Entering into a new decade of life and a new half-decade of marriage, it just seemed like time for a little update. Lions and Lilies are symbolic and meaningful to our lives in many ways. Hopefully this will continue to be an uplifting space for any who wish to read these simple chronicles.

Oh sweet spring, you make our hearts happy!

As I read Where the Wild Things Are to my two sweeties yesterday it occurred to me what an appropriate and powerful analogy the story is to how I view discipline's role and the journey to emotional maturity. Almost certainly the author had no intention of conveying the message I received. Yet, here I go....

Max puts on his wolf suit and makes mischief of every kind until his mom sends him to his room. When I ask Liliana to remove herself to a quiet place (and believe me, Judah soon), it is not because I want her to suffer. It is because I want to provide her with an environment where she can quiet herself. With her, it works for me to tell her that when she is ready to join us again and speak/act with love she is welcome. As my children grow I'm sure there will be times where an action befits a more harsh sentence of time alone, but for now this works. I send her to her room to seek peace

Max meets the wild things. Wild things! Is that not what our untamed emotions are? Deep within us, these wild creatures who gnash their terrible teeth and roar and stomp? They want to be in charge, these wild things. They want to be the kings of us, of our minds and our behaviour - untamed and without any hierarchy of authority within us.

Mischief makers? I say yes!

Max stares into their eyes and becomes king of the wild things. This is the key, isn't it? When I discipline I don't want to disregard my children's very real feelings. Is it not true that some of the biggest problems people face in their adult lives are due to being untapped into their emotions or believing that their feelings should simply be squelched? What I want to teach (and model in my own behaviour) is the whole "feel and deal" scenario. These are the questions I want to help them ask..."Yes, what I am feeling is powerful and real, but why?" and "I feel like acting this way because I feel that way, but is it appropriate or constructive?" and "what can I do that is appropriate and constructive to deal with this?". (Of course the language is far simpler with wee ones!)

Max has a wild rumpus. It seems to me that Max does feel and deal. He has a rumpus with the wild things. Even though he is king of them he still parties with them. In my analogy this rumpus is like that moment of inner questioning and resolving, maybe even wrestling. I think that people also have wild rumpuses where they are not the kings of the wild things. In my toddlers this looks like body flinging, toy throwing, high-pitched-screaming. In adults it may look like something entirely different! For me, it may involve (non-constructive) sulking :)

I think most of our daytime play would qualify as a "wild rumpus"

But he gets lonely and wants to go back to the place where he is loved most of all. Isn't this the beautiful thing? The journey to emotional maturity frees us to choose love and uplifting relationships. It allows us to open ourselves to being loved and to loving.  Some of the hardest people to connect with as an adult are those who are controlled by their feelings. I suppose we would call these people who are lacking emotional maturity. They are so up-down-and-all-around that connection is evasive and going deeper (which love demands) just can't happen. I see it very clearly when my Liliana has calmed herself and is ready to speak or act with love. She comes out to our arms, always, to give and get some lovin'.

And his dinner was still hot. Because this is the key to discipline, is it not? A non-reactive heart of tenderness and generosity? For me, reactive discipline (yelling and berating) would be  is easier, but so much less effective in the grand scheme of nurturing and teaching.

So there you have it, discipline modelled on Max and his journey to the land of wild things.

I would love to know what some of your philosophies on discipline are or what tactics you have for helping your children "feel and deal." How do you find the balance between firm and tender?

I should leave it at that because I have some crazies of my own to feed dinner to, and hopefully during dinner we don't have to tame too many wild things :)

"Sigh" life is good!

With love,