Mt.Tabor and Mt. Calvary

"We need to desire Mt Calvary as much as Mt Tabor. Only then will this hardest of all lessons - that earth isn't heaven and never will be, that the path to abundant meaning and happiness passes through a daily cross, that unless we are willing to sacrifice our personal preferences and worldly desires we will never reach the goal for which we were created - only then will this lesson be able to seep down into our hearts and spread into every corner of our minds." - The Better Part # 181

Dearest Ones, here I am on this lovely Thursday! Our sweet little one is playing on the floor beside me while Joe gets ready to head off for a business call. I'm so lucky!

(OK, I'm posting this 6 days later...'sigh'!)

We are doing very well here in the Packard household, the most interesting development lately being a clear emergence of strong willfulness on the part of our growing bambino. Manifestation? A piercing shriek whenever mama or daddy try to take away anything the miniature person has gotten her hands on. Oh yes, a shriek and a serious wrestling match. I smile and shake my head. I knew it was coming.

Our sweet little person and her mardi gras feather hat...Shrove Tuesday!

Anyhow, why the above quote? Well, because it is the much anticipated season of Lent for us Catholics. Ahhh Lent :) Boy do I need it this year!

I have been excited about Lent for a long time, have you?

I'm amazed (although I shouldn't be), at the omniscience of our great God. He is the ultimate psychologist. He knows that we want to achieve the beauty of heaven on Mt Tabor yet would like to take the fast track and skip the suffering of Mt Calvary. Sad things is, it takes harder work than we like to think to be ready for our heavenly home. This is because life is beautiful and it is so easy to forget that earth is not heaven and we were only made to pass through! Or, on the flip side we are so mired in suffering that we lose our ability to hope for something better or find meaning in our toils. So, here is Lent, and we have the opportunity to remember our Lord's sacrifice on calvary while working to shed those attachments that make us not quite ready to experience the beatific vision.

Anyhow, I struggle in both regards...so captivated by the beauty of our new life that I can't fathom ever leaving this world and its mystery behind, but so mired in the day to day struggles that I forget to seek out meaning and hope. Thus, here I am, at the beginning of these 40 days, with my arms outstretched and a hopeful heart...praying that I can reorient my life to it's Rock and Foundation, and maybe curb the sugar addiction while I'm at it :)

And in these moments where I have a sugar withdrawal headache or it seems too hard to "fit in" mass and frequent prayer time, I just need to remember that our Lord knows what it is to suffer. He showed us the way, he imbued meaning into the mundane through becoming Man.

Love and prayers for you all, near or far away. We will write again soon, we pray for you every day!

XOXO

Old Fashioned Update Time

Well well well .... we have survived the beast called sickness and have arrived relatively unscathed on the other side. PHEW! Our poor little person came down with a bad cold almost two weeks ago now...which meant of course that Mama and Daddy took turns holding the sweet babe up so that she could breath....which meant of course that we both got sick because neither of us were sleeping. However, we kicked that cold in the butt and we are all the better for it :)

Thank God we had our dino pjs from Daddy to wear while we were sick!!!

In my last post I promised a good old fashioned update, so this is what you will find here...none of my regular philosophizing or musing. However, lots of good things are happening for us! In fact, I've been hesitant to share because I don't want to count our chickens before they hatch...so I'll start with the "for sures."

Joe has started working on a continuing education certificate (one that he can add onto his undergrad in business/marketing). It is a course on marketing for social media. He is LOVING it. He is so very excited and motivated. It warms my heart to see his blossoming passion and his confidence.

I seem to have emerged out of the new mommy haze that I allowed myself to be in while we adjusted to life back in North America. All of a sudden I feel able to do more and extend myself a little bit further! I've started blogging again, have taken up a little side job doing some private cooking for a family (I get to bring Lyla to work and grow strong muscles as I cook with her strapped to me most of the day), and have even agreed to do some modelling through a company here in town called Sophia Models. They seem eager to have me and I am more than eager to bring in a little bit of supplemental income! I've also started meeting with a great group of mom's weekly to explore our faith and how we can become more holy and happy in our vocations as wives and mothers. It is wonderful

Joe and I are beyond blessed to be part of an exciting new project called "Digital Humanity" or DIGHU (di-joo). What started as a dream of my dads now seems to be moving towards fruition. We really had to pray about how involved we wanted to be on the project, and for now it seems that our hearts have been moved to help in any way we can. For Joe, this means serious utilization of his recent course work..and for both of us this means sitting in on some very exciting strategy sessions. Will this be Joe's full time employment? I'm not sure...he has his resume in elsewhere. But for us it is currently something that we are willing to dig in deep and work hard to see through. You can check out the facebook page here if you'd like. The new website will be coming soon!

Our sweet baby is growing more and more each day. She is 6.5 months old now, 17 or 18 pounds, two bottom teeth, and in that stage where all she wants to do is CRAWL. She tends to get slightly frustrated lately because she wants everything but can't quite get there. I wish I'd caught her on camera when she did a face plant into the tile floor and gave herself her first black eye :s. Wow did I ever feel like I deserved to be called "worst mother of the year." Here is a little video of Lyla in all of her glory...

On a mushier note :) Valentines Day was the 3rd Anniversary of our first date!! Wow, if anyone had told me just how much would happen in the three years since we met I would have told them they were off their rocker! I remember so clearly the way I felt when Joe pulled his big grey truck out and hopped out looking so handsome and so nervous. I remember knowing, even though I probably couldn't have articulated it, that he was my forever and I'd never have another first date. It seems like yesterday and yet it seems like a lifetime ago because Joe is so absolutely my one and only that I can barely fathom there was a time when he wasn't there. He of course surprised me with his romantic valentines day love. Everytime I opened a new drawer or closet there was a little gift tucked away. He even braved the arctic chill to write me a very public snow message...



How blessed am I?

Well I will leave it that for now. Thank you for your love and prayers. We feel them through the distance, we can see grace working in our lives and our hearts each day as we are challenged more and more to be selfless and to live authentically. We love you and miss you!!

PS: A SPECIAL HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO GREAT GRANDPA WILLIAM PACKARD. WE LOVE YOU!!!!

xoxo



I Am That Woman!

Hello our Dearest Ones! Here I am again, writing to all of you who we love and miss so very much. I was just out on a walk with our wee one, all bundled up in her teddy bear suit with her cold-nipped cheeks and nose peeking out as we walked along. It was glorious! Of course, it was also time for lots of thinking :)

I was recalling a few weeks prior to my departure for University of Dallas, saying a very difficult goodbye to a dear and much loved friend. He said, with horror..."you are just going to meet a guy, get married, and have babies!." Knowing that I was heading to a Catholic university he felt sincerely afraid for me that I was going to throw my life and youth away on such "things."

I remember thinking at the time that I would do no such thing! Not that there was anything wrong with it but because (in my own mind) I was strong, independent, intellectual, and certainly not looking for love. Ok, if I was completely honest with myself and others I would have admitted that I wouldn't have minded if love found me, and quickly!

That was only 4 years ago!

However, I realized today with a grin and a sigh that I am that woman! Yes, I am strong, independent, and intellectual. But those things don't have to be exclusive of everything else I am....

I am that woman that lost her heart in one instant to a man with kind eyes because I still believe in true love, the fairy tale kind.

I am that woman that dreamt and waited and hoped for a Prince Charming that dreamt, waited, and hoped for me...and I found him!

I am that woman who believes that my heart was made for something in particular...and I call it my vocation.

I am that woman who would rather wash dishes in the sink and be married to the love of my life than wait to be able to afford a dishwasher and be "established' before saying "I DO." Dishwashers will come!

I am that woman who is passionately and unapolagetically religious in a world that's gone "spiritual," a woman who believes in TRUTH in a world that believes in "your truth and my truth."

I am that woman who would move with my husband across the world, with only a bank account and hotel for 5 days, just to chase a dream with him.

I am that woman who, while there, would feel strongly the call to be open to new life in our marriage despite all of the uncertainties and would say FIAT.

I am that woman who was so in love with my unborn child that I talkedto , sang to, rubbed, read to, and played with her all pregnancy. So convinced was I of her inherent right to life and love that proudly accepted a mother's day flower when she was not yet born...despite many telling me I wasn't a mama yet. WHAT?!?

I am that woman who is all for baby-wearing, co-sleeping, cuddling and snuggling and playing! Ok, I'll admit it...sometimes I take hold of our sweet sleeping little bundle and pull her into bed with us for one last cuddle. There's never enough time in our waking hours to marvel over her preciousness.

I am that woman who is all for more babies even though some days I am so pooped on, tired, disenchanted, lonely, and anxious that I wonder if I was cut out for this wife and motherhood stuff! 

I am that woman who is deeply joyful and content.

Yes, I am that woman who found a man, got married, and had a baby. BUT, a few years ago I felt as though that would have been failing. As though somehow being content loving my husband and children with all my might would make me less worthy. Of what? Worthy of acclaim? Puulease! I've found much more self-worth than worldly acclaim could ever give me!

You know what? I have never felt more whole. Yes, I am strong, independent and intellectual. I am also a wife and mother who has good days and days of major struggle. With the love of my life and our sweet baby girl I am a dreamer and an idealist. I am full of hopes and prayers. I am truly alive and striving. I am excited to be all that I was created to be.

Thank you, Lord, for making me that woman.

Tomorrow (or the next day!) I owe you a real update on life. Exciting things are happening for us!!

We miss you and love you all, we pray for you every day!

Love always, XO