These Days of Littles

Picture this - 7:58 pm Saturday night. Joe is away at a basketball tournament, the children are snoozing peacefully, and I sit on the couch cozy as can be with a glass of red wine and bowl of popcorn. This is bliss! 

I was browsing an instagram account this week, one that was about healthy pregnancy/natural birth/breastfeeding. A ways down I saw a post that caught my eye. On it she raved about finally getting her IUD out, and that her husband gave her the greatest gift of their married life by getting a vasectomy. She continued to rave that she could live out the remainder of her cycling years in peace and unity with her body's natural rhythm. 

It never ceases to amaze me when natural minded people speak like this. Believe me, I write this with no condemnation but I read the post with such sadness, because there is an incredibly natural way to track your fertility that doesn't involve harm to one or both members of the relationship. 

Truly, the post struck me to the core so deeply and I realized how grateful I am for these days, in all of their weariness and wonderful-ness, and so I share a little bit of my heart here.

I will miss these days of little children everywhere. I have them, my friends have them, my sister has one. If one of us is not pregnant another is. There is always a reason to be making a meal, saying a prayer, going through boxes to share maternity and baby clothes, gripe over breastfeeding struggles or sex after baby questions. There is always talk of hopes and dreams for future children. There is always someone who is frazzled, overwhelmed, lonely, ecstatic, suffering, rejoicing. These are the days!

I know undoubtedly, melancholic as I am, I will be tempted to mourn deeply on the day that I know pregnancy is no longer an option for us. I think that even my friends who have had several babies in a few years would say this also. It is invigorating in every way, this knowledge that we, my husband and I, could create a new life when we are intimate. It is invigorating to have to sacrifice and abstain when we have discerned that a baby is not right for our family at the moment. It is also invigorating to know that, despite what we have discerned, we could be blessed anyhow and we would always praise God for that surprise gift!

Pregnant in Australia with our Liliana

I am excited for many more years of Joe excited over baby news :)

I simply could never hasten the end of these fertile years, in all of their exhausting and glorious aspects. I want to be in these days, truly in them, even in the moments where I have to deliberately find something to whisper thanksgiving over so as to change my bad mood, justified or not.

I mean, seriously, how precious is this? A brand new daddy with his firstborn daughter. 

I will miss these days. I whisper a prayer of thanks that I know this now as opposed to realizing it too late.

May the rest of your weekend be blessed and joyfilled!