The Heroic Hour

These days, especially 6 months pregnant, it is quite astonishing at just how deep I have to dig to end the day well for our children. They say that the heroic hour is when the alarm goes off. I experience that it takes very little heroism on my part to roll out of bed towards the first sip of coffee and some quiet prayer time before the day. On the other hand, it takes some serious guts to tuck my darlings in having accomplished clean teeth and bodies, sincere prayer, quality reading, and loving caresses with whispered affirmations of their beauty, value, and worth in the eyes of God their Father and me their mama.

Judah also finds bedtime the heroic hour, ergo his arsenal carefully tucked into his pullup :)

I firmly desire that, no matter how difficult little or big moments of the day are, my children drift to sleep having just heard that they are precious, worthy, and so treasured by myself and their Daddy.

A few days ago I sat beside their bed holding little hands in one hand and my head in the other. We had battled to get through the day, and I felt like I had nothing left to give. I could tell, by looking over at Joe, that he also had given almost everything he had to give to his intense day of work and tired demanding children at the end of it.

I could not help it as tears of weariness ran down my cheeks and onto my lap. Oh how I love them, oh how full of needs they are, oh how lacking I am. 

As I sat there quietly sniffling and not trying to alert my sensitive darlings to the fact that Mommy was crying (which to them is like the world ending!), I realized yet again the gift of parenthood. It is deeply humbling and reminds me so frequently that on my own I am not sufficient. Grace, grace, grace....but for the grace of God. 

Perhaps we all have a heroic hour? That one part of our day where we have to dig deepest and cry out most fervently for grace and strength. For me it is most certainly the bed time hour. Yet, just one short hour later as I sneak in  to kiss little cheeks one more time and tuck blankets around little bodies my heart cannot help but break with love and thanksgiving.

Sometimes sister is the best solution for a pillow and a rest. I can't wait to see one more little person in that snuggle! 

May you find the grace and strength you need for your own heroic hour!

Snowy Fun

I've always thought that the key to surviving wintery weather is to have fun IN it! Budgetary constraints have meant that so far skiing is not an option, but this Christmas we had the best time learning to skate! We also tried out a sledding hill scouted by Uncle Steven that was the shortest but steepest hill the kids have ever tobagganed on. It was so steep, in fact, that Liliana only had to slide on her bum to go at warp speed. A few videos for the memory bank!

With love,

Christmas Joy

If you know me, you know that Christmas is one of my absolute favorite times of the year! It takes all of my discipline to hold off on Christmas-ing until the appropriate time, but I do spend time and energy planning and scheming early. As Catholics, we have the gift of Advent, a liturgical season of preparation and waiting. It is important to me to convey this to our children, that Christmas is not here until baby Jesus is born, so the rest of December is spent earnestly anticipating, preparing, and waiting. 

Because of all of this, it felt hard that Christmas this year was up in the air. My sister is stuck indefinitely in the USA awaiting her green card, but we had hoped that she would be free to leave by Christmas. Last minute, however, we realized this was not to be so and due to the generosity of dear family friends, relocated our family Christmas celebration to Montana. 

As it always seems to be, in the act of surrendering both my "perfect" plans and the security of knowing exactly what to expect, this Christmas was infused with joy, laughter, and a deep sense of the season's true meaning. 

Our children waited and counted and prayed. We attended Christmas Eve mass and sang happy birthday to Baby Jesus as we finally placed Him in the manger. It was so wonderful to see Judah and Liliana finally open their gifts on Christmas morning, gifts that they knew were theirs because Jesus loves them so much He wants them to have presents on His birthday. Their joy was palpable. The time we spent in carefree play with our children in the days sorrounding Christmas was balm for our souls. We woke up each morning to the snow quietly falling. It is incredible how quiet the world is when it is a snow globe. The deer passed peacefully past our windows or across the lake. Liliana learned to skate and her beautiful red cheeks after hours of skating each day thrilled me! Joe took several intentional days off of work, and Judah got to spend hours each day with his idol, doing "manly" things all day long until he just couldn't keep his eyes open. It was beautiful to watch. I never want to forget this Christmas. 

Christmas morning, baby boy in utero 22 weeks

All he wanted for Christmas this year was a penny whistle and a microphone. St. Nicholas delivered on both!

Christmas Eve excitement. Carrots for the reindeer and cookies with milk for Santa.

Christmas morning visitors, they could sense that this day was special among days!

Playing "hockey". Judah's face here as he plays with his daddy just melts me

Sweet rose-bud lipped cousin Sophia Rose. 

Her first day on the ice! by day 3 she was doing unassisted laps. Such a determined little girl!

Checking on the ice fishing rods. Joe is patient and devoted among fathers, he will spend all day exploring the natural world with his children and teaching them new skills

All of a sudden so slender and so grown up!

Judah and Grandad shoveling the ice, what a special memory!

I pray that your Christmas was joy-filled in it's own beautiful way!

Who Are You, Tiny Baby?

On December 5th we had our ultrasound to check on Tiny Baby's growth. I wait and yearn for these ultrasounds, as due to some personal fears about the safety of repeated exposure to ultrasound for a growing baby I do not have an initial or 12 week ultrasound. It is always such a joy to see out beautiful growing baby on that screen. I marvelled over his big toe that looked just like his daddy's, his sweet little arms and fists by his nose. His long legs that then on the report measured in millimeteres were moving and kicking. It was wonderful and so consoling to know that he is well.

Our tradition with revealing baby's gender has been to get the ultrasound tech to write it down, and then to take the sealed envelope to a special dinner in order to open it. We video tape ourselves opening it to show to the baby once they are old enough to understand. This time was especially wonderful because our children were old enough to partcipate and be excited! We shopped for and prepared a special tapas tray, some non-alchoholic wine for all, and opened the envelope together.

Liliana waiting with unbelievable excitement for daddy to be done work 

so we could find out!!

Liliana had her heart set on a sister, and we were all quite convinced that a baby girl was on the way due to the fact that I was craving eggs and candy! She took a few minutes to get over the fact that there is actually a baby brother coming, but now we can't imagine it any other way!

Now the big question is what to name him! Who are you, our tiny baby boy?

Liliana's Favorite Colour

I've been so neglectful of this wonderful little space! Since September life has been moving at an absolutely furious pace, probably exacerbated in my experience by the necessary life adjustments that come with school being a part of our reality!

Anyhow, over the next few days I am hoping to take some time and jot down memories from advent and Christmas, in the hopes of capturing them, in all of their fleeting beauty and sweetness, for the sake of my children. 

We spent an impromptu Christmas with extended family in the Montana woods, and my, was it marvelous! I will spend time in another post sharing precious memories. This little post is dedicated to Liliana's answer to a dinner-time question on our last night. 

As we all sat around together eating dinner, the question of "What is your favorite colour, and why?" was asked.

Our sweet, determined, introverted girl, who very much knows her own mind, volunteered to go first.

"My favorite colour is red." Immediately I was surprised as I always thought her favorite colour was pink! "Because it is the colour of my heart and my heart is where God is."

Joe and I exchanged glances behind her back. That is the sort of moment where you don't want to see your child reacting, because you want them to be free to say that sort of thing without looking for applause or affirmation. Of course we exclaimed that it was a lovely answer and a great colour to be your favorite.

I still don't know whether red truly is her favorite colour. If I were to offer her an item of clothing in pink or red I think she would pick pink! However, I think her answer gave much insight into who our lovely little lady is growing to be and how we can help her. Perhaps part of her answer is because she knew it was a good answer. Perhaps part of her answer is because she knew it was the ideal, or she had some perception that the question was deeper than it seemed. Most certainly it affirms her emotional sensitivity and intelligence, and it inspires me to protect and foster her EQ as we help her through this first year of kindergarten, in which her introversion and shyness have been at times considered problematic. It definitely affirms for me that our efforts to make our home and life God-centered are not lost, even in the midst of the little temper tantrums and feisty five year old behaviors.

Yes, my darling, you do have God in your heart. A beautiful, life-giving, grace-infusing presence of our heavenly King who loved you into existence. May your daddy and I continue to show you and teach you just how loved you are!

Our sweet grown up girl on Christmas Eve!

May your 2017 be starting with much joy and light!