Happy May! These first few days of May have been filled with sunshine, and we feel so blessed. Waking up in the morning and sipping our coffee with the new day's sun streaming in through the kitchen windows.....'sigh' it is so refreshing and invigorating. It is also a very real reminder to me of how filthy our windows are after the winter :) The sun is slightly dappled as it flows through the spotted windows. It is on the to-do list for this upcoming week.
I keep reliving a night two weekends ago in my mind. First, a little background (which in itself serves as further update!). One of the things that has kept us busy and blessed has been an intense relationship with my grandparents here in Calgary. Papa was diagnosed with Alzheimer's before Joe and I were even married, but when we moved back to Canada and Joe had to spend almost a year unemployed, he spent at least a couple of days per week with Papa. Now, we still see them a couple of times a week (at least) for dinners, mass, breakfast, visits, etc. Although we have a large extended family in town we have been blessed with the capacity to be available for Nanny and Papa in a special way. We have learned so much and been so edified by Nanny's example in this suffering.
Alzheimer's is an ugly disease. The Papa that I remember so well....generous, loving, powerful, fun, strong....in many ways has already gone away. The truth is that most of the time now he is just cranky and rude, and he has lost the ability to filter like someone without the disease can. It takes self-control to not snap back at him or try to correct him. Nanny is so brave and strong by committing in love to spend all day and every night with this man who in so many ways no longer resembles the man she loved, married, and raised a family with.
Two weeks ago Nanny invited us over for a dance party. She had just replaced her old record player and she pulled out their records from many years ago. After dinner, with the stunning voice of Harry Belafonte and the upbeat strains of Fleetwood Mac playing loudly from the record player....we danced. Nanny smiled and laughed. Papa's face relaxed, his arms started moving, and there with his 6 layers on, his pockets stuffed full of all of the treasure he collects, he smiled and laughed. My mom swept Liliana up and they twirled and cuddled, Anna danced in her shy preteen way. The atmosphere changed, we forgot the challenges and fears that living with Alzheimer's constantly presents us with. I don't have any pictures of that night, but here are a few of Nanny and Papa, as well as Liliana and I, dancing at Mary and Keith's wedding a few months ago. I LOVE the happy smile on Papa's face.
What a lesson for me. I tend to live with an anxious and preoccupied view of our world. It is just who I am naturally, but at the same time I waste so many moments worrying needlessly in a way that doesn't allow me to live fully and truly ALIVE in the moment I've been blessed with. It was a reminder that sometimes we just need to have the courage to dance, and our hearts will be filled with the joy and hope that will bolster us for the next challenging moment.
I have such happy memories of my childhood...Sunday mornings or special evenings when my dad would crank up the Neil Diamond and whisk my mom around the kitchen. My little heart would soar. Now, most evenings when I am cooking Joe will pick Liliana up and they will twirl through our house as I get dinner prepared. Whenever we go to my parent's house Liliana's first request is to dance with grandad. I hope she never loses her love for dancing. I hope we are never too busy to step back from the everyday and find joy in the dance.
I'll leave it at that for now. I hope your first few days of May are just as beautiful and sunshine-filled as ours have been.
We love you!
xoxo
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