I Am That Woman!

Hello our Dearest Ones! Here I am again, writing to all of you who we love and miss so very much. I was just out on a walk with our wee one, all bundled up in her teddy bear suit with her cold-nipped cheeks and nose peeking out as we walked along. It was glorious! Of course, it was also time for lots of thinking :)

I was recalling a few weeks prior to my departure for University of Dallas, saying a very difficult goodbye to a dear and much loved friend. He said, with horror..."you are just going to meet a guy, get married, and have babies!." Knowing that I was heading to a Catholic university he felt sincerely afraid for me that I was going to throw my life and youth away on such "things."

I remember thinking at the time that I would do no such thing! Not that there was anything wrong with it but because (in my own mind) I was strong, independent, intellectual, and certainly not looking for love. Ok, if I was completely honest with myself and others I would have admitted that I wouldn't have minded if love found me, and quickly!

That was only 4 years ago!

However, I realized today with a grin and a sigh that I am that woman! Yes, I am strong, independent, and intellectual. But those things don't have to be exclusive of everything else I am....

I am that woman that lost her heart in one instant to a man with kind eyes because I still believe in true love, the fairy tale kind.

I am that woman that dreamt and waited and hoped for a Prince Charming that dreamt, waited, and hoped for me...and I found him!

I am that woman who believes that my heart was made for something in particular...and I call it my vocation.

I am that woman who would rather wash dishes in the sink and be married to the love of my life than wait to be able to afford a dishwasher and be "established' before saying "I DO." Dishwashers will come!

I am that woman who is passionately and unapolagetically religious in a world that's gone "spiritual," a woman who believes in TRUTH in a world that believes in "your truth and my truth."

I am that woman who would move with my husband across the world, with only a bank account and hotel for 5 days, just to chase a dream with him.

I am that woman who, while there, would feel strongly the call to be open to new life in our marriage despite all of the uncertainties and would say FIAT.

I am that woman who was so in love with my unborn child that I talkedto , sang to, rubbed, read to, and played with her all pregnancy. So convinced was I of her inherent right to life and love that proudly accepted a mother's day flower when she was not yet born...despite many telling me I wasn't a mama yet. WHAT?!?

I am that woman who is all for baby-wearing, co-sleeping, cuddling and snuggling and playing! Ok, I'll admit it...sometimes I take hold of our sweet sleeping little bundle and pull her into bed with us for one last cuddle. There's never enough time in our waking hours to marvel over her preciousness.

I am that woman who is all for more babies even though some days I am so pooped on, tired, disenchanted, lonely, and anxious that I wonder if I was cut out for this wife and motherhood stuff! 

I am that woman who is deeply joyful and content.

Yes, I am that woman who found a man, got married, and had a baby. BUT, a few years ago I felt as though that would have been failing. As though somehow being content loving my husband and children with all my might would make me less worthy. Of what? Worthy of acclaim? Puulease! I've found much more self-worth than worldly acclaim could ever give me!

You know what? I have never felt more whole. Yes, I am strong, independent and intellectual. I am also a wife and mother who has good days and days of major struggle. With the love of my life and our sweet baby girl I am a dreamer and an idealist. I am full of hopes and prayers. I am truly alive and striving. I am excited to be all that I was created to be.

Thank you, Lord, for making me that woman.

Tomorrow (or the next day!) I owe you a real update on life. Exciting things are happening for us!!

We miss you and love you all, we pray for you every day!

Love always, XO